Growing old disgracefully…

Posted on March 30, 2019 by Sue Vincent

Yesterday, I shared a poem about my great grandmother. Today would have been her two hundred and fifty fourth birthday and her cake would be a fire hazard. She would have been a hundred and twenty seven years old… and if that seems to make little sense there is a simple explanation. Like the Queen, she had two birthdays. Unlike the Queen, my great grandmother’s situation was due to a clerical error, her birth having been recorded as ‘the 30th, the last day of March.’

She didn’t quite make her century, thus missing out on the royal greetings for the second time in her life. She had never forgiven my great grandfather for dying when he did for that same reason… he had quite inconsiderately chosen to shuffle off this mortal coil shortly before their 60th wedding anniversary, thus denying her the privilege of a message from the monarch.

She was an outspoken old lady, a product of the Victorian era. My sons were lucky enough to know their great-great grandma for a few years and I was even luckier, growing up with her as an integral part of my life.

My sons called her ‘the very old grandma’. I always thought of her that way too, though, doing the maths, she was not much older than I am now when I was born. But age has many faces and she always said that even at ninety-nine, she still felt eighteen inside. These days, I know what she meant.

While the body appears to age, the inner being has a mind of its own and doesn’t necessarily age beyond whatever is its personal optimum.  Somehow the ageing process seems shaped less by the passing of years and more by our own attitude so that we see people who are old by the time they hit thirty and youngsters of ninety still up for all kinds of mischief… like Great Aunt Annie-Beatrice who still wore heels and shocking pink as an octogenarian. Because she could.

If you had asked me thirty years or so ago I would have probably imagined myself by now being very much like my Great Aunt Gwen… a ramrod backed, well-upholstered Yorkshirewoman, wielding Methodist severity like a sergeant-major with a rolling pin. Yet instead I am developing a penchant for mischief and a desire to ‘misbehave’; to act, should I so choose, against the accepted convention that requires older generations to become more staid and less flamboyant. I think of Great Aunt Annie-Beatrice in her shocking pink coat. Or my own Grandma who, in her 60s, wanted to learn to water-ski, but was forbidden because she would ‘look ridiculous’.

I have noticed the body language changing… instead of holding myself primly upright it has become more expansive over the years. I hug more, open to that exchange of warmth and energy… more ready to let people in that I once was. My gestures are wider; there is a physical freedom that was missing when I was younger.

It is not that I lacked the desire to defy convention before… it is just that I would have simply wanted to do things and lacked the courage, fearing disapprobation. Now, I don’t really care a jot whether I am looked upon with disapproving eyes or whether those eyes choose to slide off my unruly presence, dismissing me from consciousness, glad that I am  “Somebody Else’s Problem.”

“An SEP is something we can’t see, or don’t see, or our brain doesn’t let us see, because we think that it’s somebody else’s problem…. The brain just edits it out, it’s like a blind spot. If you look at it directly you won’t see it unless you know precisely what it is. Your only hope is to catch it by surprise out of the corner of your eye……This is because it relies on people’s natural predisposition not to see anything they don’t want to, weren’t expecting, or can’t explain”. Douglas Adams. “Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy”.

The ageing process appears to bring an inner confidence and relaxing of the constraints that held us, tied to the apron strings of our own reflection in the eyes of the world. Our need for approval changes and perhaps we let go of the fears that have held us back and find approval, instead, in our own eyes. They say that age brings wisdom… I don’t think that is a coincidence somehow.

Nor do I think it coincidence that as we work with the levels of Being in the Silent Eye, I am growing into my own. There is something in what we do that feeds the soul in a curious manner and opens many doors within. Life has taken on vivid hues and while there is undoubtedly both a need and a time for silence and for dignity, the inner bubble of joy seldom subsides and little by little I am learning to let go and just surf the tide of life … and hope I can find the freedom to grow old disgracefully.

Unknown's avatar

About Sue Vincent

Sue Vincent was a Yorkshire born writer, esoteric teacher and a Director of The Silent Eye. She was immersed in the Mysteries all her life. Sue maintained a popular blog and is co-author of The Mystical Hexagram with Dr G.M.Vasey. Sue lived in Buckinghamshire, having been stranded there due to an accident with a blindfold, a pin and a map. She had a lasting love-affair with the landscape of Albion, the hidden country of the heart. Sue  passed into spirit at the end of March 2021.
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69 Responses to Growing old disgracefully…

  1. Susan Scott's avatar Susan Scott says:
    March 30, 2019 at 06:08

    Lovely Sue – definitely a time for no regrets and doing and being all who you are😊

    Liked by 1 person

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  2. mbrazfieldm's avatar mbrazfieldm says:
    March 30, 2019 at 06:17

    Comforting offering. I’m in love with it! Thank you ☺

    Liked by 1 person

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  3. robertawrites235681907's avatar robertawrites235681907 says:
    March 30, 2019 at 06:18

    I am not following the trends for either my age or my profession either, Sue. Lady chartered accountants were staid skirt suits and conservative blouses. I like to wear pink and flowers. Lucky for me, I get away with it because of my brain. Ha, it just shows you that you can be different. Well done to you.

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  4. Robert Kirkendall's avatar Robert Kirkendall says:
    March 30, 2019 at 06:57

    You can do it! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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  5. Ennle Madresan's avatar Ennle Madresan says:
    March 30, 2019 at 07:20

    Lots to smile about in this post, Sue! It’s so true that “inside” we may not be the same age as we are biologically…in my dreams I’m still in my thirties, I’d guess–and I wake up shocked at the transition, as moments ago I was thin and firm and looked like Natalie Wood. But as you’ve noted, getting older has some wonderful benefits to psyche–freedom from a lot of ridiculous constraints, if we so desire it; and a more relaxed sense of …well, almost everything, I’m finding. I loved this post 🙂 ❤

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  6. beth's avatar ksbeth says:
    March 30, 2019 at 08:21

    She sounds Luke a wonderful character. And like you, I find the freedom and joy in aging. This is so well said, sue.

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  8. Jaye Marie & Anita Dawes's avatar jenanita01 says:
    March 30, 2019 at 09:09

    I have no intention of growing old, or disgracefully come to that. I have always been as mad as a hatter and happy to be so, in fact, it may be getting worse (or better, whichever way you look at it) as time passes. I love the fact that we can be who we are these days, with no need to hide our feelings…

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  9. Stevie Turner's avatar Stevie Turner says:
    March 30, 2019 at 09:45

    We’re ‘invisible’ and not judged on our appearance anymore. Invisible people can do just what they want to do!

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  10. quiall's avatar quiall says:
    March 30, 2019 at 11:18

    I think you are the best version of you!

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  11. joylennick's avatar joylennick says:
    March 30, 2019 at 11:41

    Beautifully expressed, as usual, Sue! And, if may, I’d like to borrow the phrase: “Surf the turf of life.” (love it.) I am appreciating all the freedoms of being ancient, despite the odd inconveniences… (on which I won’t elaborate…) So what that it takes a while to ‘reassemble’ myself in the mornings…the joys of life are multiple and treasured. xx

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  13. Mary Smith's avatar Mary Smith says:
    March 30, 2019 at 12:42

    Great post, Sue. My mother’s fear of what the neighbours might say/think turned me into someone equally fearful – until in recent years when it dawned on me the neighbours couldn’t give a toss. I intend to spend the next few years becoming more ‘disgraceful’. And a lovely thing I’ve discovered is that my son (as he’s got older, not when he was a kid) loves it when his mum doesn’t conform.

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    • Sue Vincent's avatar Sue Vincent says:
      March 31, 2019 at 21:31

      I gave my sons a choice when they were at school… they could have a mumsy Mum who conformed… and I would have done it so they did not feel uncomfortable… or they could have the weirdo. They made their choice and they are stuck with it now 😉

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  14. Pingback: Growing old disgracefully… | Sue Vincent’s Daily Echo | Campbells World

  15. V.M.Sang's avatar V.M.Sang says:
    March 30, 2019 at 14:29

    It is said that Grandparents and Grandchildren have a special bond. I think its because children, and teenagers, have this ‘explore the world and its possibilites just like their grandparents. One is an exploration born of a desire to find out for their future life, the other, to find out before it’s too late.
    We should all aim to grow old disgracefully. Never give in to what you think of as ‘unsuitable at my age.’ Ask ‘Why is it unsuitable?’ You’ll usually find the answer is that it isn’t/

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    • Sue Vincent's avatar Sue Vincent says:
      March 31, 2019 at 21:33

      The tenets of good taste apply at all ages… other than that, I have no intention of allowing anyone or anything to dictate ‘suitability’. I spent far too much time with teenage angst on that score… for far longer thna my teenage years. Not any more 😉

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  16. Jordy's avatar Jordy says:
    March 30, 2019 at 14:55

    Love this post! I always feel 16!! Especially enjoyed, “Yet instead I am developing a penchant for mischief and a desire to ‘misbehave’; to act, should I so choose,”
    Right on!!❤️

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  17. colonialist's avatar colonialist says:
    March 30, 2019 at 19:27

    Oh ye!
    I get really irritated when my body doesn’t manage to do all the things my mind insists it should still be capable of!

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  18. Widdershins's avatar Widdershins says:
    March 30, 2019 at 22:14

    Occasionally I fall into the pit of fears that surround the knowledge that I have been alive for more years than I will be alive, but it doesn’t last long and I’m back to my usual self. Mrs Widds is a tad more conservative than me and I do manage to flummox her at least bi-monthly. 🙂

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  19. Eliza Waters's avatar Eliza Waters says:
    March 31, 2019 at 02:13

    I like the idea of growing old ‘disgracefully!’ 😉

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  20. OIKOS™- Art, Books & more's avatar OIKOS™-Publishing says:
    March 31, 2019 at 02:55

    That is a really famous story. Thank you for sharing, Sue! Hope you will have a nice Sunday with the just started summer time. 🙂 Michael

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  21. Jennie's avatar Jennie says:
    March 31, 2019 at 13:13

    You go, girl! With age comes inner bravery and a sense of what’s important, caring more about what you think and less what others think. Awesome post, Sue!

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  22. Pingback: The Versatile Blogger Award # 2, 3, and 4 – Keep it alive

  23. dgkaye's avatar dgkaye says:
    March 31, 2019 at 20:20

    Oh wow Sue, I can so identify with so much of what you write. I know I’ve certainly found myself this past year, more contemplating and reassessing life. Thanks for that insight on SEP. Learning to let go is so freeing. ❤

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  24. Colleen Chesebro's avatar Colleen Chesebro says:
    March 31, 2019 at 20:44

    An excellent piece of inspiration for those of us growing older. My grandmother 2as 99 years old when she passed. She took care of me after my mother died and until my dad remarried again. Her wisdom and love are still with me. I feel like I’m growing more like her every day… and, that’s all right with me. ❤

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  25. willowdot21's avatar willowdot21 says:
    April 1, 2019 at 22:46

    Honesty above all honesty 💜💜🌹🌹

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