This memoir touches on various aspects of situations that occur and change as the years went by in my marriage to a man 21 years my senior. I wrote the book around the title as opposed to writing a book and then wondering what it should be titled. And in the book, readers will soon learn why I chose the title.
Even going into marriage knowing that down the road there will inevitably be obstacles to endure and hopefully overcome, my eyes were wide open and heart full, enough to make me accept whatever challenges would come our way as the years ensued . . . and they did. And in this book, I bring to light some of the things that I encountered and how I dealt with them and how my marriage still managed to thrive with keeping with the foundations the marriage was built on and never taking any of those elements for granted – love, communication, compassion and laughter.
Excerpt from Twenty Years: After “I Do” by D.G. Kaye
To the Moon with Laughter
What would life be without laughter? I don’t think I’d even want to know the answer to that question, because only with laughter have I been able to get through many of life’s challenges. I could quote off a list of clichés about laughter, such as “Laughter is the best medicine”—but the fact is that it’s true. Laughter is good medicine. Every good belly laugh allows our bodies to take in more oxygen and creates endorphins, which prompt the enjoyment we receive from humor and lift our entire wellbeing. Besides being a great health benefit to our souls, lungs, and state of mind, laughter can provide comic relief in those moments that sometimes aren’t so humorous.
Based on all my relationships, I can attest to the fact that injecting humor in conversation when appropriate can take the edge off more serious circumstances. A healthy relationship will always contain humor, because laughter between two people creates a comfort bond, and comfort bonds maintain relationships through rockier times.
Although I don’t profess to be a comedienne, I’m quite adept at bringing out the funny side of a situation when warranted. I can say with honesty that what first attracted me to my husband was his ability to make me laugh. Throughout my lifetime, I always felt I had to entertain and make others laugh, and until I met Gordon, I’d never been in a relationship with someone who could do the same for me. Gordon and I laughed a lot together as we got to know more about each other, and the pattern has remained a main ingredient throughout our life together. We found common ground on many things we valued and connected with, and I think the key was that we never lost our sense of humor no matter what each day brought.
I’ve witnessed many relationships head south when the initial attraction fades. Sure, people change opinions, preferences, or attitudes on certain issues as time passes, but if our core values or personality change, or if the common elements of enjoyment once shared between two people dissipate, we question our happiness. If we’re not happy about our partner’s personality change or views, a little bit of laughter dies within us. It becomes difficult to feel comfortable with our partner when inner unrest grows. The new discomfort curtails our ability to remain happy and feel the familiar freedom to laugh when our partner no longer shares the same humor. Note that I’m not referring to changes such as complacency or laziness that may set in due to declining energy levels. Age will sometimes alter our agility and even certain desires, but it doesn’t have to affect our senses of humor. Age creeping into a good marriage shouldn’t be a relationship killer.
About the author
Debby Gies is a Canadian nonfiction/memoir author who writes under the pen name of D.G. Kaye. She was born, raised, and resides in Toronto, Canada. Kaye writes about her life experiences, matters of the heart and women’s issues.
D.G. writes to inspire others. Her writing encompasses stories taken from events she encountered in her own life, and she shares the lessons taken from them. Her sunny outlook on life developed from learning to overcome challenges in her life, and finding the upside from those situations, while practicing gratitude for all the positives.
When Kaye isn’t writing intimate memoirs, she brings her natural sense of humor into her other works. She loves to laugh and self- medicate with a daily dose of humor.
Why I Write
I love to tell stories that have lessons in them, and hope to empower others by sharing my own experiences. I write raw and honest about my own experiences, hoping through my writing, that others can relate and find that there is always a choice to move from a negative space, and look for the positive.
“Live Laugh Love . . . And Don’t Forget to Breathe!”
“For every kindness, there should be kindness in return.
Wouldn’t that just make the world right?”
When I’m not writing, I’m reading or quite possibly looking after some mundane thing in life. It’s also possible I may be on a secret getaway trip, as that is my passion—traveling.
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Books by D. G. Kaye
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A NEW book by D. G. Kaye
In this personal accounting, D.G. Kaye shares the insights and wisdom she has accrued through twenty years of keeping her marriage strong and thriving despite the everyday changes and challenges of aging. Kaye reveals how a little creative planning, acceptance, and unconditional love can create a bond no obstacle will break. Kaye’s stories are informative, inspiring, and a testament to love eclipsing all when two people understand, respect, and honor their vows. She adds that a daily sprinkling of laughter is a staple in nourishing a healthy marriage.
Twenty years began with a promise. As Kaye recounts what transpired within that time, she shows that true love has no limits, even when one spouse ages ahead of the other.
Read Carol Balawyder’s review of Twenty Years After here.
A Lifetime of guilt — What does it take to finally break free?
“Somehow I believed it was my obligation to try to do the right thing by her because she had given birth to me.”
Burdened with constant worry for her father and the guilt caused by her mother’s narcissism, D.G. Kaye had a short childhood. When she moved away from home at age eighteen, she began to grow into herself, overcoming her lack of guidance and her insecurities. Her life experiences became her teachers, and she learned from the mistakes and choices she made along the way, plagued by the guilt she carried for her mother.
Conflicted Hearts is a heartfelt journey of self-discovery and acceptance, an exploration of the quest for solace from emotional guilt.
Read Stevie Turner’s review of Conflicted Hearts here.
“I often found myself drifting from a state of normal in a sudden twist of bitchiness.”
From PMS to menopause to what the hell?
D.G. adds a touch of humor to a tale about a not-so-humorous time. While bidding farewell to her dearly departing estrogen, D.G. struggles to tame her raging hormones of fire, relentless dryness, flooding and droughts and other unflattering symptoms.
Join D.G. on her meno-journey to slay the dragons of menopause as she tries to hold on to her sanity, memory, hair, and so much more!
Read Tina Frisco’s review of Meno-What? here.
“I have been a great critic of myself for most of my life, and I was darned good at it, deflating my own ego without the help of anyone else.”
What do our shopping habits, high-heeled shoes, and big hair have to do with how we perceive ourselves? Do the slights we endured when we were young affect how we choose our relationships now?
D.G. takes us on a journey, unlocking the hurts of the past by identifying situations that hindered her own self-esteem. Her anecdotes and confessions demonstrate how the hurtful events in our lives linger and set the tone for how we value our own self-worth.
Words We Carry is a raw, personal accounting of how the author overcame the demons of low self-esteem with the determination to learn to love herself.
Read Judith Barrow’s review of Words We Carry here.
D.G. Kaye is back, and as she reflects on some of her more memorable vacations and travel snags, she finds herself constantly struggling to keep one step ahead of the ever-changing guidelines of the airlines–with her overweight luggage in tow. Her stories alert us to some of the pitfalls of being an obsessive shopper, especially when it comes time for D.G. to bring her treasures home, and remind us of the simpler days when traveling was a breeze.
In her quest to keep from tipping the scales, D.G. strives to devise new tricks to fit everything in her suitcases on each trip. Why is she consistently a target for Canada customs on her return journeys?
D.G.’s witty tales take us from airports, to travel escapades with best friends, to reflections on how time can change the places we hold dear in our hearts. Her memories will entertain and have you reminiscing about some of your own most treasured journeys–and perhaps make you contemplate revamping your packing strategies.
Read Christoph Fischer’s review of Have Bags Will Travel here.
“I hurt for her. She wasn’t much of a mother, but she was still my mother.”
Confronted with resurfacing feelings of guilt, D.G. Kaye is tormented by her decision to remain estranged from her dying emotionally abusive mother after resolving to banish her years ago, an event she has shared in her book Conflicted Hearts. In P.S. I Forgive You, Kaye takes us on a compelling heartfelt journey as she seeks to understand the roots of her mother’s narcissism, let go of past hurts, and find forgiveness for both her mother and herself.
After struggling for decades to break free, Kaye has severed the unhealthy ties that bound her to her dominating mother—but now Kaye battles new confliction, as the guilt she harbors over her decision only increases as the end of her mother’s life draws near. Kaye once again struggles with her conscience and her feelings of being obligated to return to a painful past she thought she left behind.
Read Deborah Jay’s review of P.S. I Forgive You here.