The small dog is not amused…

My two-legs is a meanie
And she manages to con me,
‘Cause when I think she’s being nice
She visits hell upon me.

Just take today, for instance,
I’m all snuggled up in bed
To wait for her to finish work…
But she comes back instead.

She’s back home way too early
And as if that’s not a joy,
She hasn’t come back all alone…
She’s come back with my boy!

I have to jump upon him,
It’s expected, don’t you see,
And then I snuggle up a bit
So he can cuddle me.

I share his toasted cheesey stuff,
Amuse him with the ball…
But meanwhile sneaky two-legs Mum
Has wandered down the hall.

I didn’t even notice while
He gave my back a rub…
My rotten sneaky two-legs
Had gone off to fill the tub…

They caught me good and proper,
And he held me on the lead
While she applied the soapy stuff
I swear I did not need!

I got them back on exit
When I shook my dripping fur…
(I didn’t get my boy too much,
But aimed it all at her.)

I got the walls and ceiling
And put hair upon her floor,
Then headed for her sofa
When she cracked the bathroom door.

To add insult to injury…
All guilt upon her head…
When I went off to sulk a bit
I found she’d washed my bed!

So everything was flowery,
She’d done her planning well…
But no amount of perfume
Covers up that wet dog smell 😊

All well and good for her to say
Baths stop the moulting itch,
I say, between the two of us,
I’m not the only bitch…

About Sue Vincent

Sue Vincent is a Yorkshire-born writer and one of the Directors of The Silent Eye, a modern Mystery School. She writes alone and with Stuart France, exploring ancient myths, the mysterious landscape of Albion and the inner journey of the soul. Find out more at France and Vincent. She is owned by a small dog who also blogs. Follow her at and on Twitter @SCVincent. Find her books on Goodreads and follow her on Amazon worldwide to find out about new releases and offers. Email:
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76 Responses to The small dog is not amused…

  1. OMG! This is beyond adorable and funny as all sin. Such a lovely little Maggie being tortured by bath. LOL! 😁

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Ritu says:

    Oh you poor fur baby Ani!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Another gem Sue. Poor Ani!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Darlene says:

    My human parents do this terrible thing to me too. I feel for you, Ani. Your friend, Dot.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Eliza Waters says:

    😀 Oh, this is too good, Sue!
    Sorry, Ani, I know it’s not fun, but must be done!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Mary Smith says:

    Oh, Ani, I’m really sorry but I did laugh out loud, especially at the bit where you discovered she’d washed your bed. Don’t worry, I’m sure it’ll be a while before you need to go through the torture again – and there are always treats afterwards.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Great poem, love the rhymes!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. barbtaub says:

    Okay, I loved those last two lines! Read them out loud to Peri, who wants Ani to know she has all her sympathy, and thanks for the warning.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. I’m glad I at least found you in the Reader. i keep trying to get my email level down, but instead of cutting down, I cut them out and now I’m totally lost. Is it me? Give Ani and big hug for me. I miss her beautiful eyes.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Great planning, Sue. You’ll have to give her a treat.


  11. jenanita01 says:

    It could be worse, Ani. you could be hosed down outside!


  12. scifihammy says:

    Aw I’m sure that’s just what ‘the small dog’ was saying! 😀
    But I do love a freshly washed fluffy dog. 🙂


  13. willowdot21 says:

    Oh! Ani I totally agree those two legs can be so mean but they don’t mean to be , I think they are only trying to help. My Two legs is not herself “just what that means I don’t know?” so I can have my say without her catching me. Love from Ruby 💜💜


  14. Adele Marie says:

    My sympathies, Ani, they got me good and proper at the groomers and I have to take some white pill to stop licking my paws. They is sore and something in the grass keeps itching. Much paw love, Dante Dawg. xxx


    • Sue Vincent says:

      Ow… not good, Dante! And I think they’ve given me a cold with bathing me. And they can say what they like about the heating making it feel like a sauna in here till I dried… 😉 xx


  15. Love this… I, well I should say my dogs totally relate to this. ❤️


  16. dgkaye says:

    Lol Ani, you are a little testy today to your 2 Leggses aren’t you? Lol 🙂 xx


  17. TamrahJo says:

    Um… sorry Ani, but your poets soul does so warm, cheer me, make me laugh and fill with joy, all while I try to smother the laugh, be appropriately compassionate over your trials and tribulations – TamrahJo.

    Dear Ani – when those two-leggeds get the urge to do grooming/bath stuff watch out – for me? So far, between roll in the leaves/twigs and dust I’m demolting, with occassional ‘hand rakes’ from mine and she has softened the blow by having the winter stock pot cranked up, full of yummy bones for going on two weeks now – I figure, she’s worried about me catching cold with our recent winter temps, so I might be in the clear with just groomings and sprays of essential oils from now till next March! – Oakley


  18. noelleg44 says:

    Your two-legged is really sneaky Ani, but look, you must feel light and clean and you have a clean bed – I know lots of doggies at our local pound who would switch places with you in a cold minute.
    Count your blessings, lassie!


  19. Widdershins says:

    Entrapment! Diabolical!


  20. writershilpa says:

    I have fallen in love with your canine-love poems, Sue! Loved this one, too! ❤


  21. The last line is fantastic, Ani! So true too. LoL Honestly on the picture you are looking very angry too. Whats about leaving the UK and settle over to Germany? 😉 Best wishes, Michael


  22. Denis1950 says:

    You are becoming a very creative duo. Stick to your rights Ani


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