Dalby Udder’s school days had been memorable in one respect. He had failed to do much forward planning. Even choosing a pudding before he had eaten his main course proved an intellectual challenge too far. So it was no surprise that his interview with the career’s master proved to be one of frustration for the master. ‘You’ve never even considered life after school?’ Mr Plinth couldn’t hide his incredulity. ‘Pop star? Footballer? Prime Minister? Vacuous Reality Star?’

‘No sir.’ Dalby’s ability to remain impervious to sarcasm was already highly developed, albeit in an instinctive rather than deliberate fashion.

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