I am offended.
I was always told it wasn’t nice to laugh at another’s misfortune. ‘Specially when they are s’pposed to be your best friend.
I always knew my two-legs needed more training.
Anyway, I’ll tell you about it and you can make your own mind up.
We woke up this morning to a frozen world. Everything was white and even the muddy lawn was crispy. She stood shivering on the doorstep while I went out to explore, but as it was still dark, I didn’t keep her there too long.
By the time I’d had my breakfast, though, the sun was just starting to come up and the sky was all pretty and pink. I thought she would like to stand at the door with me… but no, she just opened it and went in again to put another jumper on.
I do find that a bit confusing… You two-legses seem to spend a lot of time shaving your fur off, then complain when you get cold…
But anyway, back to my story.
I’d done my morning patrol around the garden and, as I’d just had breakfast, I thought I should have a nice drink of water.
Now, I always have water inside, where she keeps my bowls, but she also leaves me a big bowl of water just outside the big window-door, so I can have a drink wherever I am. And I like that water better… don’t know why, I just do.
So I stuck out my tongue for really good drink… and the water bit me!
Not just that… it was hard and my tongue stuck to it!
I looked in through the window a her… sort of hoping she’d come and rescue me. She had already seen what was happening and was laughing fit to burst!
I ask you, is that nice?
I’m just glad the camera thingy wasn’t anywhere close by… else it would probably have taken her even longer to come to my aid. Mind you, I’d unstuck by then and tapped the water with my paw to see what was going on.
“You daft dog, it’s only ice,” says she. Only ice? Isn’t it her duty to sort it out before it attacks me?
I had another couple of licks, and sure enough, it was just ice… though I have to say, it doesn’t taste as nice without the cream bit.
“It’s winter,” says she. Well, you know, I had noticed that…
“Never mind, girlie,” she says as she’s thawing out my bowl, ” you might have snow soon.”
That’s the one good thing I have to say about her… she always sees the bright side. But then she tells me she’s had snow already!
Honest, how mean can you get?
So, I may just ignore her for a bit.
Unless she brings home anything nice to eat.
P.S. Don’t forget to send me your
letters to Santa for my Advent Calendar!
Ani, the inimitable Small Dog, told of the trials of training her two-legs in ‘Notes from a Small Dog: Four Legs on Two‘. Their poetic adventures continued in ‘Laughter Lines: Life from the Tail End’. You can read Robbie Cheadle’s review of Doggerel HERE.
Doggerel: Life with the Small Dog
Available now in paperback and for Kindle
In her latest collection of poems, their daily life together takes centre stage. From the perfidy of humans who insist on bathing dogs, to the unpunctuality of writers at mealtimes, the relationship between two legs and four is explored in verse.
The Small Dog reveals her continuing fascination with chicken, tennis balls and the compulsion to re-write Shakespeare, while exposing her two legs’ misdemeanours to the world.