The unhappy hobbit…

Cartoon: Speed Bump by Dave Coverly
Cartoon: Speed Bump by Dave Coverly

The alarm clock was way too loud. The first alarm is supposed to be a gentle trill, just enough to disturb me. The next two grow increasingly insistent. This one seemed to be what I could only call strident… far too loud for six in the morning. It took what seemed an eternity to realise that it was, in fact, the fire alarm… and, unless the dog had taken it upon herself to cook breakfast and burned the bacon, I should probably investigate.

I threw off the covers and swung my feet to the floor carefully. My back had been giving me hell the day before as a result of all the pond-stuff we’ve been doing lately. I hadn’t slept much, which probably explains the fuzzy thinking. I was expecting to be as stiff as the proverbial board and was pleasantly surprised to find I could move freely.

The alarm stopped and was replaced by a screech… and I found myself contemplating the dust-bunnies under the bed. This was a novel perspective considering I had planned on being upright, not in an undignified heap on the floor. Unexpected pain had shot through my leg and taken it out from under me. It is not the first time it has happened, so I sighed and reached for the dressing gown, only to realise that it was the wrong leg.

The right one has been through the wars over the years and occasionally makes its presence known. It suffered a series of ridiculous accidents during my youth, being first broken on the safety mat of a trampoline. On the way home from getting that cast off, I fell off the platform of the number 77 bus and  went straight back for another cast. As soon as that healed, I fell off the platform shoes that were all the rage, running in a power cut.  I spent much of that year in casts or bandages… and that was just the ankle. Mind you, it is really good at predicting rain these days.

The knee got it when I slipped on a stray grape in a supermarket aisle. It isn’t as if I am accident prone or anything. Copious amounts of morphine, several needles and a couple of surgeries later, it finally healed. Sort of. The hip that gets me sometimes is mainly down to the lack of any cushioning between the vertebrae and at least I can’t be blamed for that.

But this was not the right leg at all, it was the left… the one I trust. The one that doesn’t hurt (discounting a too-frequently squashed toe). There was nothing to see. I hadn’t done anything to deserve it… but my squeals rivalled the smoke alarm that had just started again as I hobbled out to waft a tea-towel in its general direction.

The alarm does have a button to shut it up if it goes off without cause, but being hobbit-sized, I need to stand on a chair to reach it. This did not seem like a good idea. The day was not starting well as it was… And all that I could think of was Scotland. I can’t have a duff knee with a fifteen hundred mile drive and with hills to climb in the middle of it. Why is it always when we are going to Scotland?

My son was already outside in his dressing gown watching the fish when I arrived at eight. He questioned the groans, squeals and pronounced limp, but only with a view to establishing whether I’d be able to deal with the pond plants that were due to arrive. He let me clean out the hot-tub instead, which was kind of him. By the time I’d done that, refilled it while I did his housework, ran out to the farm for his milk and cooked his lunch, his smoke alarm was going off for no reason too, which was a bit weird.

When I finally got home, the left knee looked no different from the right one…which was less reassuring than you might think considering the surgery had left the right one rather misshapen. I would soak it for a while, I thought, then put my foot up.

Forbidding my son to phone me for at least half an hour, I threw a handful of Epsom salts and some herbs in the bath and filled it with steaming water. I haven’t had a bath for I don’t know how long… it is generally a shower these days… so I’d make a ‘moment’ of it. Take a book in there and relax, I thought. It would do all my aching muscles the world of good, I thought. I sank into the steaming tub with a sigh… and shot out again like a scalded cat. What I hadn’t thought of was the effect of hot water on all that burned skin I’d acquired doing the dratted pond….

There are days when getting out of bed at all is just the wrong move.

About Sue Vincent

Sue Vincent is a Yorkshire-born writer and one of the Directors of The Silent Eye, a modern Mystery School. She writes alone and with Stuart France, exploring ancient myths, the mysterious landscape of Albion and the inner journey of the soul. Find out more at France and Vincent. She is owned by a small dog who also blogs. Follow her at scvincent.com and on Twitter @SCVincent. Find her books on Goodreads and follow her on Amazon worldwide to find out about new releases and offers. Email: findme@scvincent.com.
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65 Responses to The unhappy hobbit…

  1. You said it – and pull the covers over your head for good measure! Hope you don’t have another day like that one anytime soon…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. willowdot21 says:

    Oh! Sue, how is the knee now! Your entire day sounds like a total nightmare 💜 I do hope things are improving today 💜

    Liked by 1 person

  3. jenanita01 says:

    Really sorry to hear of your latest disastrous day, Sue. Have you ever wondered if someone has a wax doll that looks like you? Sending over as many blessings as that carrier pigeon can carry, take care in the meantime…

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I thought this was a work of fiction at first! This is an uncomfortable way to start a day! Hope things get better.

    Like

  5. Mary Smith says:

    Ouch, ouch and ouch! I live with someone who has problems (putting it mildly) with knees and ankles so you have my sympathy. The hot water and the sunburn was just adding insult to injury.

    Like

  6. Ugh! I’d be an unhappy hobbit too!

    Like

  7. Sadje says:

    A very happening day, for all the wrong reasons.

    Like

  8. Oh no! Get back in bed and try getting out of the other side. Your post made me even more tired than I already am, Sue. Let’s hope today is effortless. ❤

    Like

  9. Adele Marie says:

    Oh no, Sue, what a rum do. Hoping you are feeling better and what is with the smoke alarms? xxx

    Like

  10. Alli Templeton says:

    Oh, Sue, you have been in the wars, what a day! It started off badly and got steadily worse. I’m so sorry, and I hope the knees, legs and sunburn are better today. At least it’s cloudy as I write. Maybe you could stay in bed tomorrow to make up for it, or failing that on Saturday to avoid the hideous high temperatures the weather forecasters are threatening. Please take care and feel better soon. 🙂

    Like

    • Sue Vincent says:

      It has been much better today… just as well, as I don’t get a day off to stay in bed 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      • Alli Templeton says:

        I feared you might say that. It’s not fair. I’m sending you all my good wishes, and I’m glad to hear it’s been better today. Fingers crossed it continues to be. You’re a star. 🙂

        Like

        • Sue Vincent says:

          Apparently, I’m hoovering my son’s pond this weekend… so keep those fingers crossed 😉

          Liked by 1 person

          • Alli Templeton says:

            Oh goodness, Sue. Don’t do it on Saturday – you’ll fry! Unless it’s early in the morning, as you have to be up early anyway, or (I’ve just checked the BBC weather forecast for your area) Sunday after around 2.00pm, when it’s supposed to be cloudy and slightly cooler. If it can wait until next week it’ll be cooler still. How can you hoover a pond, anyway? 🙂

            Like

            • Sue Vincent says:

              Just like you hoover a carpet… getting all the sldge from the bottom. Not a pleasant job. I need to get it out of the way,though as I have the kitchen and bathroom to clear out before demolition work starts in there for my son next week… and before the garden gets ripped up at about the same time. Not looking forward to the next few months… 😉

              Liked by 1 person

  11. petespringerauthor says:

    Ahhh, the joys of aging. There’s nothing quite like that feeling when our bodies ache for no apparent reason. A couple of decades ago, I tore something in my knee when painting my house. At least give me a decent excuse to be in pain—no more I pulled a muscle grocery shopping.

    Like

    • Sue Vincent says:

      I don’t mind etting older at all… except that there is still so much I would like to do… but I am not so keen on the aches and pains that keep manifesting 😉

      Like

  12. Ouch! Oh, for the love of a soothing hot bath with bubbles and a great book to read… Must skip the sun burn, but still yearning for that great comfort I can no longer enjoy. It’s showers only these days. Enjoyed the post and hope you get luxuriate in a bath when the skin has soothed! ❤

    Like

  13. Eliza Waters says:

    One thing right after another, not your best day! Hope you have recovered. x

    Like

  14. dgkaye says:

    Sue! I think it’s time for an exorcist lol ❤

    Like

  15. Widdershins says:

    Oh dear … I was reading along with your troubles, all sympathetic and everything, until I got to that last sentence … I must now confess I laughed out loud, very sympathetically of course. 😀 … I’ve had days like that where I’m simply glad to have survived ’em by the time I get into bed. Good to hear you are feeling better today … that trip to Scotland will be just the thing for you to relax and unwind into. 🙂

    Like

  16. I was just wondering how you’d get out of the TUB. The last time I did that, getting in? Easy. Gravity did the job. Out? I had no idea. And the tub was slippery and I slid around and finally, eel-like more or less slid out of the tub onto the floor, then ponder how I was going to get up from there.

    We no long HAVE a tub.

    Like

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