Spare a thought for the vampire in summer,
For, while everyone else seeks the sun,
He must hide in the darkness and shadow
And from errant sunbeams must run.
While the sunbathers tan to perfection.
Going golden and brown as a bun,
He must cover his skin with protection
And remain looking pale…underdone.
So, while others may cast off their clothing,
And bathe in the rays of the light,
He hides in a curtain-closed coffin
And twiddles his thumbs until night.
He’ll never don Speedos and frolic,
Or swim in the sea like an eel.
No wonder when he sees bikinis
His only thought is his next meal!
I must say that I’d never considered
The plight of the vampire before.
I assumed, as he lay in his coffin,
He’d probably just sleep and snore.
But with these new pills I’ve been given
My sympathies took a new turn…
‘Cause unless I behave like the vampire
In sunlight I’ll blister and burn.
Which is typical now we’ve a heatwave,
With sunshine and grass to be mown,
And while everyone’s loving the weather
I’m stuck in the dark on my own.
I’ve another two weeks of this torture,
And meanwhile the daylight I’ll shun,
I’ve got between sunset and sunrise
To take the dog out for her run.
I do wonder sometimes at treatments
We’re offered to make us feel well;
While they might cure the more acute problem,
Too often they’ll put us through hell.
But I will not be drowning my sorrows
Though a nice glass of red would be good…
‘Cause the wine glass was also forbidden…
I am not at all pleased… I want blood!