It’s about time. She does hog this thing, doesn’t she? It is ages since she’s let me write anything. Mind you, it has been waaay to hot to do anything except flop, chase balls and keep the garden free of cows and pigeons.
You’d think that would be a good thing, being summer and all, but you try this heat wearing a fur coat… and a black one at that! And that’s not all… something ate my garden!
She doesn’t like letting me play out in it any more. Not that she keeps me in exactly…which is just as well ’cause the cool concrete about midnight is the only place to sleep…but the ball-throwing is now limited to the pathway… that’s the only thing that hasn’t been eaten. Apparently, it is natural… but I’m not so sure…
The sun ate my grass.
At first, I thought we’d had a stray cow hop over the fence, but ‘no,’ she said, ‘it was the sun.’ Then I thought we must have giant moles. We’ve had little ones before, but they only leave small holes and soft hills. These holes are humungous! I was getting a bit worried that I might have to tackle them… but, needs must, you know. If she needs protecting from mutant moles, then what is a dog to do? I can only do my duty, whatever it takes.
She says she doesn’t need guarding, but honestly…these two-legses have no idea how hard we work. With the heat, all the flies have come in and you wouldn’t believe how many I have to defend her from every day! And that’s without the feathered fiends she calls pigeons, the hot air balloons and the helicopters! And the cows. Let’s not forget the cows.
But how am I supposed to guard her from the sun? Honest, my grass looks like a broken pot, all crazed and split into bits. And some of the big bits wobble when you walk on them! That threw me a bit. You sort of expect the earth to be reliable, but no… it’s wiggling under my feet. I had a good sniff and a bit of a dig, but I couldn’t figure out why. ‘It’s the sun‘ she says… as if that is supposed to make me feel better!
There’s holes in it now big enough to swallow a small dog, let alone my ball… and they are getting bigger every day. ‘We need a bit of rain,‘, she says. We need more than that! Anyone have a phone number for Noah? She keeps checking the sky and the weather, and grumbling about living in a place where the hills move the clouds away from us. Mind you, you should have heard her when the water went off last weekend!
It had been off a few days before, but she hadn’t noticed. But when she comes in as red as a lobster and wants a shower… and nothing comes out of the tap… panic stations. She did have some water in the fridge… but most of that had to be mine. I must say, it seems to be full of water now… just in case, she says.
I did find a few silver linings, though. She’s been threatening me with a bath, but she hasn’t been able to follow up on that. Even though the water is back, she says she’s not risking me getting stuck with shampoo in my fur. I can go with that!
Not only that, but one of my boys is coming over every day to use her shower, ’cause his bathroom is bust and needs all fixing. And that means he can throw my ball! Sometimes he comes over on his wheely thing after she’s been down to get him organised…and then we all get to go for walks in the fields!
And sometimes, she brings him and his lunch… and he eats good stuff, like prawns! Not that I beg or anything. I wouldn’t dream of being so impolite! I just keep him company while he eats… and is it my fault if prawns make my mouth water?
He does share though, which is good, though we did have a bit of an incident. I sort of forgot myself… and when he tossed me a prawn, I ‘headed’ it back, like I do with the ball. It was an accident. I didn’t mean it to go back into his lunch… but for some reason he didn’t seem to fancy the rest of it, ’cause he didn’t know which prawn was mine.
I thought that was really kind of him… not wanting to eat my prawn… and as he didn’t want the rest of his, I thought I’d better give him a little help. She doesn’t like food going to waste… says it’s not respectful of the lives that have filled our plates… and she doesn’t care whether that’s a prawn or a lettuce.
So, I’ve been doing my duty and being a really good girl. I sort of needed to after going for a walk the other day. Nothing wrong with that… but she is of the opinion that I should take her with me. So I was in the doghouse for while…
Hopefully, I’ve redeemed myself.
And hopefully, my boy will fancy prawns again…