It’s been a while, what with one thing and another. First she blew up the computer, then the interwebby thing stopped working… and now, well… I can’t keep track of her. She’s in and out like a yo-yo.
You wouldn’t believe what she gets up to either! She seems to forget that being a dog, I have a Nose. I am a specialist detector. You two-legses think you are pretty good at smelling stuff out, but you really can’t beat a dog. Those receptor thingys in our noses? We have fifty times more of them than you…and they count ’em in millions! And, ‘pparently, the bit of our brain stuff that works them is forty times as big as yours. We can make a pretty accurate picture of what you’ve been up to, you know. So if she thinks she can fool me, she’s very much mistaken. I know she’s been playing with cats.
Just think about it… here’s me, all alone with the fish and my toy box… and let me tell you, the fish are no good at playing. At least, not with me. “Won’t be long, girlie,” she says. “Just off to work…” And what’s she doing? Playing with cats.
It was bad enough when there was just the one to worry about. But I have a Nose that tells me there are at least another two of them! She finally admitted to it too… Strays, she says, or somebody else’s cats who just come for cuddles and food… A likely story.! Would she be pointing that camera thingy at strays? Then she tells me it isn’t her fault… it’s one of my boys who’s been acquiring cats! Where did I go wrong? Didn’t I raise him right? Why would he want to go over to the dark side? It’s depressing.
I mean, I’m still not over the whole lost ball fiasco. She’s tried really hard… Fair’s fair, she’s done her best. She’s thrown every single ball she can find… She’s tried them one at a time. She’s tried a few…and a lot… but I can’t seem to find one that works, you know? I’ve done my best, and chased a few, but now I’m feeling bad for her. She’s only a two-legs, after all, she doesn’t really understand. She thinks that if it bounces, it does work. But there is more to choosing a new ball than that. Maybe when the ball guy comes again, I’ll be able to choose. I am trying…honest.
So, between cats and balls and all this gadding about that she’s doing, I was feeling a bit down. In need of some comfort. And just when she should be settling down for cuddles, she puts the pink thing on and says goodnight. Not that she can escape that easily… If the puppy eyes don’t work, there’s always the teeth.
A bit of gentle tugging gets her back on the sofa, and her hands in my ears where they belong. Finally, I’m getting her attention properly. For a couple of days she was really attentive. She even gave me her macaroni cheese! Well, technically ‘give’ is the wrong word. But she wouldn’t really have wanted it back one she’d dropped it , would she? So I thought I’d help by cleaning up. And how does she thank me for that? She disappears again and comes back smelling of something even more dangerous than cats… puppies. A two-legs grand-puppy. So while one of my boys has got waylaid by cats, the other one is having puppies. No wonder she is never still!
So I’ve got my own puppy out of the toy box to keep me company. Trouble is, there’s no fun squeaking it when she’s not around to hear…
And it’s been raining for ages…
I hope things get back to normal soon…