Borrowed Wings… again

In 2009, after my son had been stabbed through the brain and left for dead in a coma, I was writing daily updates for all those around the world who were sending their love and prayers for his recovery. There was one particular day that I remember very well… I could feel every single thought for him, every prayer, every ounce of love that was being sent our way…

“Yesterday was a heart aching day in many ways, but many of the hardest moments were moments of great beauty.

My son should not be there, should not be in this state. Another human being did this to him, for no reason we can understand.. Nick wasn’t even robbed, which wouldn’t make it right but would at least, give a reason to it. Yet, we are overjoyed that he is fighting back so hard. It is difficult to reconcile that hope and joy in his stubborn progress with the fact that he is still helpless, and for now at least, very much trapped and afraid.

When Alex and I went to his bedside, into his field of vision and said hello to Nick, his stomach heaved, his face contorted and he wept. He recognised us, and wept immediately. That broke my heart, and Alex’s, yet holds so much hope and love.

They had Nick sedated yesterday. They had wanted to remove the ventilator but his throat is so swollen with it they were unable to do so. One can see he desperately wants it gone. It must be so scary for him, coughing and choking on plastic. So they tried to get him to sleep, but he wouldn’t have it. They have told him he slept for weeks, maybe he is afraid to do so again. The sedation wasn’t too heavy, and they turned it off after a while. It was wonderful to see him sleep naturally once it had worn off. Wonderful to feel him peaceful, and to see him yawn.

When Nick woke later, his eyes were clear. The drain is gone and that is a lot of tubing and paraphernalia off his head for him. Alex, who is a tall, lovely, warm young man, has always loved his big brother deeply. I watched him yesterday watching over Nick, watched the joy and pain in his eyes as he held Nick’s hand and Nick clung to him with his eyes. I have never, ever seen anything more beautiful than Alex’s expression of absolute love and the communion of those two bright souls. The tenderness and compassion of the Mother looked out through my son’s eyes.

Nick has always felt that few people love him or care about him, and had wrapped the soft, caring centre in a brittle shell of self confidence. The shell has gone and the vulnerability is there for all to see. I hope he can understand now how much he is loved… so many of his friends adore him, and are true Friends. They are going to extraordinary lengths to be with him. And that is without the vast outpouring of love and compassion around the world.

I felt that yesterday. After a call from D., driving to Southampton on auto-pilot while Alex and a friend of Nick’s, slept in the car, I could feel a tingling around my shoulder blades that felt like vast wings spreading out behind me. They were borrowed wings, and I felt them spreading infinitely wide, holding between them a triangle of power, myself nothing, just the apex, the focussing point, of a vast well of love and healing. I felt like the dam with all the waters of life behind me, poured in by so many wonderful souls as a gift, and holding it ready for him, or like a regulating valve through which that power could pass, where I could ‘take the strain’ and pass it to Nick in gentler quantities so it didn’t overload him. It was an incredible feeling, and is still there. My gratitude has no words.”

That was then… this is now.

So much has happened since I wrote that update eleven years ago… Miracles happened and Nick has gone on to make a remarkable, near-miraculous, though far from full recovery and achieve wonderful things for himself and for others.

Today is the morning I finally get to speak with the oncologist and learn what the future has in store for me… and indeed, how much, or how little, future I can now hope for.

The past few weeks have been difficult and incredible… and, like the horrendous months dealing with the fallout from the attack on my son,  held more love and beauty than anyone could imagine.

By phone, in person, by email, message, text, post and comment, so many people from across the world have said and done so much… in all the small and beautiful ways that make life worth living and loving.

I go to the hospital this morning. I could be going afraid and worried, but instead, I am once more wearing borrowed wings, and every strand of every feather feels filled with love.

Thank you.

About Sue Vincent

Sue Vincent is a Yorkshire-born writer and one of the Directors of The Silent Eye, a modern Mystery School. She writes alone and with Stuart France, exploring ancient myths, the mysterious landscape of Albion and the inner journey of the soul. Find out more at France and Vincent. She is owned by a small dog who also blogs. Follow her at scvincent.com and on Twitter @SCVincent. Find her books on Goodreads and follow her on Amazon worldwide to find out about new releases and offers. Email: findme@scvincent.com.
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79 Responses to Borrowed Wings… again

  1. Jen Goldie says:

    😌💕🌹💖

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Ritu says:

    Wishing you so much luck. My prayers are with you, Sue 💜🙏🏽

    Liked by 2 people

  3. barbtaub says:

    Sending all my love—and a feather or two for those wings.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Sadje says:

    Sending you love and hugs.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. joylennick says:

    My healing thoughts are with and for you, dear Sue. Spread your wings. Peace and love. xx

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Sending prayers and thoughts your way today, Sue. A beautiful post that will stay with me today. Hugs.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. TanGental says:

    Here’s to those wings carrying you to a happier place, though mind that hair of yours doesn’t get blown into your eyes – I’ve often imagined the complications it might cause in a high wind. And can I add a feather of my own love to them for you Sue. Here’s to soaring….

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Darlene says:

    A heartfelt post. May I add my love and a feather or two as well? You will be on my mind and in my heart all day. 💖

    Liked by 2 people

  9. willowdot21 says:

    You are so right Sue every feather bis full of love, hope and caring. Again you will will be in an overcrowded room with the Dr, because we are all with you 💜💜💜💜

    Liked by 1 person

  10. jenanita01 says:

    May those same beautiful wings bring you home with good news today, Sue… XX

    Like

  11. beth says:

    And we are right there with you, wings and all❤️

    Like

  12. Helen Jones says:

    Good luck today, Sue – sending all the good wishes, and another feather or two for those wings xx

    Like

  13. V.M.Sang says:

    Sending love and healing thoughts, Sue.
    Healing may not be what we think it is. A couple of my acquaintance had a daughter who suffered from cerebral palsey. They took her to Lourdes to pray for her healing. When they returned, they told people ‘She wasn’t healed, but we were.’
    They had gained an acceptance of their daughter’s condition. Not only that, they went on to foster many children with disabilities. They visited one of the African countries on holiday and were shocked at the children begging in the streets, so they raised money and built a school.
    So healing comes in many ways. I hope and pray it comes in the traditional sense, Sue, but if it doesn’t, it will come in a way we don’t expect.

    Like

  14. I hadn’t heard about the senseless attack on your son. What a horrible thing to do to another human being. Glad your family got through that. And I know you’ll find the courage to face whatever comes next.

    Like

  15. quiall says:

    I will hold you gently in my prayers and weep tears of hope.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. trentpmcd says:

    That post from eleven years ago was very touching. Sending my thoughts, and hopefully a feather or two, your way.

    Like

  17. memadtwo says:

    As always, sending feathers fir those wings (k)

    Like

  18. gmvasey says:

    Any bit of lift I can give is yours…..

    Liked by 1 person

  19. May those wings hold hope and envelope you with all that is needed today. Thoughts are with you Sue. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  20. I’ve been praying for you daily and have asked a few of my friends to do so, as well. I’m so glad you have real support from so many wonderful people!

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Jules says:

    I had not found out until quite recently that collecting feathers in my country is illegal – especially of migratory birds. One can be fined. Though, I don’t think feather collecting is high on any official radar at the moment. I have collected feathers for years – I have many that perhaps I should not have – And I would gift them all to you, each with a prayer of healing and hope. May you continue to absorb the strength of those who care from all over the globe.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Jean Reiland says:

    Sending hugs Sue.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Soar. Be lifted by wings of feathers sent from far and wide. May the landing be as soft and comforting as the thoughts all here are sending. Soar.

    Like

  24. With bated breath I wait to find out. This is the hardest part of the process — the waiting and wondering. Even when you get answers, they may or may not be the right answers. My heart is with you this day of days.

    Like

  25. I am sorry, for beeing late again, Sue! Sending best wishes and prayers too. Be blessed!! I am sure all will become a good ending. Michael

    Like

  26. Beautiful, Sue. Accompanying you in spirit and marveling at your wings. ❤

    Like

  27. Jim Borden says:

    you’ve got a beautiful way with words. I had not read that about Nick. I can’t imagine how painful that must have been for everyone. I’m glad he is doing so much better today. I hope your visit went well with the oncologist…

    Like

  28. Widdershins says:

    It’s the middle of the night for you now and the day is done, as days are wont to do, will we or nil we : ) … so I know you’ve probably been chewing over all that was said, and what your options are for a while now. I hope you’ve had lots of space to think, and lots of people, physical and virtual, drop by to fill up that space for a while.
    You are loved and beloved, around the world.
    I wish the peace of the night to ease your heart for the times when you feel your skin, (metaphorical but maybe physical too) is too tight and you are filled with too much of, everything … and the right choices will make themselves known, of that I have no doubt. : )

    Like

  29. Robert says:

    Sending you loving light and virtual hugs, Sue ❤️

    Like

  30. Wow – the reminiscing in this post is so strong, so beautiful, so perfect. Your insight into nature, humanity, and feeling is always so good – hence why you make such good posts! You find new ways to share wisdom even in these trying times. Thank you, and I appreciate your candor and good will.

    Like

  31. Sue, I wish our paths had crossed sooner here on WP. Your writing is beautiful — it speaks to me on many levels. This one brought tears.
    I’ll be joining with others and hold you in my thoughts. 💕

    Like

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