Cassandra Apostrophe thought geography field trips with year 10 were like being consigned to one of the seven halls of hell, alongside dinner with her Aunt Joanne where she was expected to plead for her inheritance and her annual checkup with the halitosisian dentist Wellington Parchment. This year’s sojourn, to the Cornish Coast, was living down to expectations. Mr Mumbles was in hospital with suspected ruptured grommorods, Ms Jollijapes had retired to her room with a bout of repetitive vapours and even the usual resilient Colin Plasterboard had developed an alarming list to the left that meant he had to sit out today’s descent down Mandeville’s Bosom to Carmichael’s Coffin.

‘Come on, you lot.’ Cassandra might be petite but she refused to be daunted by physical challenges. ‘There are some interesting rock formations and…’

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