Well, it happened. My sofa… it’s gone. I tried to protect it as best I could… occupied the high ground like it says in all the military books. Trouble is, she must have read them too, ’cause while I was busy digging in for my forlorn hope, she had up to date intelligence and a secret weapon… and managed to outflank me.
Knowing that today was the day, I had myself firmly entrenched on the back of the sofa, with the fish guarding the rear. I had a wall at my back and 180 degree visuals. No way she could creep up on me unawares. No way she could move the thing with me sat on it. Ha.
Then the phone rang. “In fifteen?” she said. It is usually my boy, so I thought no more of it when she started pottering. Then, after a while, she wandered into the kitchen and started rattling things in the cupboard… I was sort of obliged to go and see. I could smell my favourite treats…and sure enough, she’s stood there with a whole new pack of them in her hand.
Instead of giving me one when I held up my paw to say ‘please’, she just tucked a few round the kitchen for me to find. I like that game, so I thought I’d humour her.
It was an ambush!
Quick as a flash, she whips out of the kitchen and closes the door behind her. I was trapped, blockaded! Then… there was a knock on the door… loads of banging… and I never saw my sofa again.
Now, okay, she’s put a bigger one with a really strange smell in its place. It is all slidy and slippery, but I can sprawl on it just the same. And if she thinks that it is going to be hers, she can think again. After the she had the temerity to attack my dignity with those antlers, I wonder she dares even think of sitting on my sofa! Yeah, I know, but a sofa in my room is better than a sofa in a van somewhere…
Mind you, she needn’t think she’s getting away with it, you know. I have my methods and, if she can be sneaky, so can I. Muddy pawprints, eh? I’ll give her muddy pawprints!
“I thought I’d closed that door,” she says, closing the garden doors.
“I was sure I’d closed that door,” she says two minutes later when she closed them again.
“I know I closed the doo….ANI!”
Heh… and she still hasn’t worked out how I’m doing it. 🙂
Now, Santa, let’s get this straight. I know revenge is not a good thing and you just have to accept and let go…she’s told me about this ‘non-attachment’ thing… and I can go with that, seeing as how I still have a sofa, even if I don’t have my sofa. I can let it go ( ‘specially seeing as it has already gone…)
So… I’m not being bad by letting myself out every two minutes. I’m being kind. Giving her lots of fresh air, mental stimulation and exercise. Isn’t that what we are supposed to do? 🙂
So, I don’t reckon you need to tick the naughty box on your delivery list… do you?