Friends, including my nerdy boss and whacky baker buddy from Callie’s Cakes, claim I’m totally addicted to coffee. Although I’m not as dependent on the drink as they claim – I love a chocolate cupcake smothered in buttercream frosting goodness as much as the next person – I definitely have a committed relationship with the brown liquid of the gods. Recently in fact, I’ve discovered coffee – unlike men – is something you can always count on in life. Here’s what I’m talking about:

Coffee is always hot. You can depend on that black liquid goodness to be exactly how you want it – nice and warm! Unlike men. Hot, cold, hot again. And they say women can’t make up their minds! Maybe we can’t make up our minds because men can’t figure out if they want to be all warm and cuddly or overprotective jerks.

Coffee isn’t complicated. Oh sure, we humans can make coffee complicated. Can you say half caf soy latte? But at its essence, coffee is simple. Coffee beans provided by Mother Nature ground together and added to hot water. That’s it. There doesn’t have to be anything more to it. People, on the other hand, can be complicated as all get out. They act like they’re one thing – a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear. And then it turns out that they are completely something different – a person out for vengeance. Talk about complicated!

Coffee isn’t confusing. I admit to not having much experience with men. Who has the time? Between grad school and two jobs, I’m lucky I manage to see the sun at all let alone take time to date men. But then some guy you’ve just met comes barreling into your life and declares he’s your man. Huh? Is this how dating really works? *Scratches head in confusion*

Coffee gives you a pick me up. Okay, technically it’s the caffeine that gives you a pick-up, but you get what I’m saying. Take a few sips of coffee and pretty soon you find yourself having energy you thought had long gone to bed. Human beings, on the other hand, are exhausting. Although they may literally pick you up if you are a pink-haired pixie dating an alpha cop, giving you energy is not in their purview. They complicate things, confuse you, and generally make your head spin. Not a great combo for a midday pick me up.

See? Coffee is more dependable than people. Sure, coffee can’t keep you warm at night and cause butterflies to explode in your stomach for that matter, but it also doesn’t make you want to scream and shout while stomping your foot. Not that I would ever stomp my foot or anything.

Self-Serve Murder

D. E. Haggerty

Book 3 in the Death by Cupcake series. Can be read as a standalone.

“Listen to me – using words like ruse. I need to watch it before I follow in Lucy and Ethel’s footsteps and start saying words like sitrep and run around thinking I’m some super private investigator solving crimes.”

Kristie is kind with a capital K, so it’s quite the surprise when she wakes up next to a dead man with no recollection of the previous night. Even worse? She’s naked. Kristie may be a sweetheart out to save the world, but sticking her nose into an investigation of rapes across campus makes her the target of a murderer. Before she knows it, Kristie is smack dab in the middle of a murder investigation with her colleagues Callie and Anna. If that’s not enough to drive a sane person up the wall, a friend has decided he’s going to keep her safe whether she wants him to or not. And, oh yeah, he’s her man and that’s that.

Come join us at Callie’s Cakes, where murder investigations are on the menu. You are most welcome, but you may need to serve yourself as our barista Kristie is busy trying to save the world.

Warning: Although there are plenty of moments that will make you shake your head and laugh at the antics of the ladies of Callie’s Cakes, the subject matter – rape on college campuses – is very real and somewhat darker than your usual cozy mystery.

An Excerpt from Self-Serve Murder

I assumed that as soon as we got back to my apartment, everyone would take off and I’d be left alone to contemplate what happened. Contemplate. I snort to myself. Freak out’s more like it. Unfortunately, when I open the door and turn around to thank everyone, the men push their way in before sauntering over to my sofa and collapsing on it. My sofa, heck my apartment, was not made to house the two oversized detectives.

I don’t shut the door but stand at the entrance with my mouth opening and closing in my best imitation of a fish. Think, think, think. Oh yeah, I have the perfect excuse for keeping them out. “Should you be in here? Doesn’t CSI or whatever it’s called in real life need to do their thing? Find clues or fingerprints or something?” There! That sounded reasonable. Not at all like I’m trying to kick everyone out.

Logan snorts. “You watch too much TV.”

Luckily, Ben takes pity on me and explains. “They’ve already come and gone. And even if they hadn’t, it wouldn’t matter.” The confusion must show on my face. The big detective smiles. “We were all here this morning.” Duh. I nod my head in understanding but don’t move away from the door.

Anna sits on Logan’s lap and I cringe as my sofa creaks. “You might as well shut the door and come in here.” Oh great, the troublemaker is on the case. Looks like I don’t have a choice. I shut the door and walk the short distance to my living room. I collapse in the chair across from my friends and close my eyes. Let the questions begin.

“So why were you in that bar anyway? You don’t drink. Or at least the few times we’ve gone out, we nearly had to force-feed you beer.” Callie’s voice sounds genuinely hurt.

I shrug and try to evade giving away the real reason for my visit to the bar. “Am I not allowed to go to a bar on a Friday night?”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it,” Callie immediately snaps. Darn it! I suck at the secret spy mission stuff.

“Sorry, I’m not feeling well.” There, that’s not a lie.

“We just need you to answer a few questions and then we’ll leave you alone,” Ben insists in a gentle but firm voice. Obviously, I’m not getting out of answering some questions and considering I woke up naked next to a dead man, I should probably be grateful I’m getting grilled by my friends instead of cuddling up to some jailbird named Bertha.

Read on for a second excerpt…

Buy links:

Amazon   Smashwords  Barnes and Noble  Kobo

About D. E. Haggerty:

I grew up reading everything I could get my hands on from my mom’s Harlequin romances to Nancy Drew to Little Women. When I wasn’t flipping pages in a library book, I was penning horrendous poems, writing songs no one should ever sing, or drafting stories which have thankfully been destroyed. College and a stint in the U.S. Army came along, robbing me of free time to write and read, although I did manage, every once in a while, to sneak a book into my rucksack between rolled up socks, MRIs, t-shirts, and cold weather gear. After surviving the army experience, I went back to school and got my law degree. I jumped ship and joined the hubby in the Netherlands before the graduation ceremony could even begin. A few years into my legal career, I was exhausted, fed up, and just plain done. I quit my job and sat down to write a manuscript, which I promptly hid in the attic after returning to the law. But being a lawyer really wasn’t my thing, so I quit (again!) and went off to Germany to start a B&B. Turns out being a B&B owner wasn’t my thing either. I decided to follow the husband to Istanbul for a few years where I managed to churn out book after book. But ten years was too many to stay away from ‘home’. I packed up again and moved to The Hague where I’m currently working on my next book. I hope I’ll always be working on my next book.

Author links:

Website   Blog   Facebook   Twitter:@denaehaggerty    Google+

Pinterest   Goodreads   Amazon author page

Email: dena@dehaggerty.com

An second Excerpt from Self-Serve Murder

I’m wiping down the counters when I get ambushed by Callie and Anna. Callie grabs my arm and together with Anna she pushes me into the corner furthest from the students. “What in the world of coffee beans are you guys up to now?” I cross my arms over my chest to make it perfectly clear that I’m not okay with whatever cockamamie scheme they’ve cooked up now.

Anna looks at me and smiles in an obvious but unsuccessful attempt to look innocent. “It’s just that we think it’s time we see the Youth Center where you spend all your time.”

Yeah, right. I roll my eyes at her. “You don’t really expect me to believe that you want to see the Youth Center to check out my life’s work.”

Callie bobs her head. “We’ve been meaning to go down there for ages.”

“Yeah,” Anna jumps in. “Logan always makes it sound like the first circle of hell.”

I raise an eyebrow at the troublemaking pixie. Of course, she would want to jump into the first circle of hell. “Most people try to avoid Dante’s Inferno.” I don’t know why I bother trying to dissuade her. She obviously has no fear of things ‘normal’ people avoid like gangs and violence and such. She even admits to starting to fall for Logan before she realized he was an undercover cop.

“We just need to make sure we can eliminate anyone from the Youth Center as possible suspects. You know – up close and personally – then we need to find this rapist before he strikes again. The dead guy in your bed was some kind of warning. It’s time to get to the bottom of this.” Callie makes an impassioned speech. I look down but, to my surprise, no soap box has magically appeared under her feet.

Unfortunately, Callie is right – as usual. The rapist needs to be found. And this whole thing just got personal. I might have backed off before Friday night since I wasn’t making any progress anyway and my whole knowledge of the rapes was based on rumors. But now that I’ve been roofied and found out about the ten other girls who weren’t as lucky as me? No way I’m bowing out of this investigation now.

“I thought you guys promised not to go to the Youth Center.” I make one last ditch effort to keep Callie and Anna safely away from this investigation.

“I promised to not go running around. I will definitely not be doing any running.” Anna shakes her head and points at her feet. As if those high-heeled boots would ever stop her from running head-on into turmoil.

Callie shrugs. “I never actually said the words ‘I promise’. There’s definitely some kind of loophole there.”

“Fine!” I throw my hands in the air in defeat. “We’ll head over in my car after the bakery closes this afternoon.”

The dynamic duo immediately jumps up and down before rushing back into the kitchen giggling. And I’m the young one?