“I will send you for X-rays,” the nice doctor said,
“And for physio too while we wait.
I’ll just make the appointment and get you booked in…
Would you rather have early or late?”
Which is why, as the dawn started painting the sky,
I was driving the backroads to Thame.
I was feeling quite well, but I hadn’t much hope
I’d survive without coming home lame.
“Hi, I’m Sam,” said the physio, flashing a smile
And extending a hand, “Follow me.”
He was fine on the eyes, I would have to admit,
But I wondered how bad it would be.
“And how are you today?” he had just had to ask,
“Well, I feel like a fraud, ‘cause I’m great!
I don’t hurt at all and I’m just not in pain.”
I should know that you never tempt Fate…
He asked all the questions and got me to move,
Touching toes, bending down, stretching wide,
Bending forward and backwards and this way and that
Until normally, I would have cried.
“And how are you feeling?” “I’m good,” I felt bad
As I answered his query shamefaced.
Although the pain generally makes itself felt,
It would seem his concern was misplaced.
“Just lay yourself down on the bed, here,” said Sam
With a cold, steely look in his eye.
“We are used to this happening,” grabbing my leg,
“There are still a few things we can try…”
I was not aware human beings could bend,
Without breaking, to such odd proportions,
I soon learned my error, as bits of me turned,
Twisted by some appalling contortions.
“And how are we feeling?” “Not bad,” I replied,
I admit there had been the odd twinge,
But I still felt a fraud as he booked our next date,
Feeling so bad I felt I could cringe.
But the half hour drive did what Sam could not do,
I could barely get out of the car.
“And how are you feeling?” my son thought to ask,
“I don’t think I can walk very far.”
I had gone to the physio feeling okay,
I had left him still feeling quite well,
But within a few miles it was all upside down
And I got to work feeling like hell.
I managed to get all the work done somehow,
To a soundtrack of squealing and screams,
“You had better go home,” said my son, “While you can…”
Did I feel okay now? In your dreams!
No, tonight I can’t move, I can’t even stand up,
And I certainly can’t sit with ease.
I am painkillered up, but I’m going down fast,
So… just cancel the physio, please!