Dear Santa, I’ve a bone to pick,
Perhaps a bone or two…
I saw another Santa Claus…
She says there are a few!
I’d been flopped out, just lazing
On the sofa for the night
When suddenly, I heard a noise
And saw a growing light…
I went off to investigate…
It is my job, of course,
(Though after the deliveries,
I’m getting a bit hoarse…)
I heard it then, angelic hosts…
I thought it a bit odd,
‘Cause, normally on village streets
We don’t hear much from God.
Yet I could hear the angels
Singing of a Silent Night…
And realised the song was coming
From the eldritch light.
Remembering the tale she’d told
Of how wise men had spied
A new star rising, I was scared
And thought I ought to hide.
But no, she puts the leash on then
And opens up the door..
Not carol singing children this time,
No, this time, there’s more…
I’ve seen some things at Christmas time
But this must top the lot…
A whole house driving down the lane’
Complete with chimney pot!
And who is in the chimney pot
There, right before my eyes?
Another bogus Santa Claus!
Do you run a franchise???
But no, she says, it’s something good,
To help the folks in need,
And spread a little Christmas love
Instead of festive greed.
A Christmas Elf came over then
And shook a yellow bin,
Then shared a ‘Merry Christmas’
With the folks who put stuff in.
I thought it was a good idea
And offered them a bone…
They said it wouldn’t travel…
I should keep it for my own.
I thought they might have taken it,
To help a dog or two…
But no, dear Santa, so I still
Have bones to pick with you.
You will look after all the creatures
Out there in the dark?
The ones who scrape a living,
Like the pigeons in the park?
‘Cause I don’t really need a lot,
Just somewhere warm and dry,
A bowl of food and water down
And cuddles, by and by.
So if you’re packing presents up
And find some that are mine
And need to share the love a bit?
Just help yourself, that’s fine.
‘Cause she says that it’s not about
The food or gifts in piles…
She says that it should really be
About the Christmas smiles.