Sir Reginald Farquharson, late, (very late, at least two hundred years late) of this parish was well aware what day it was. The children of the house had been busy this afternoon. They had put a white lacey shift under his armour and covered him in cobwebs!

Now he had learned over the recent years that these were what were called fake. These cobwebs and had nothing to do with spiders. No these ones came out of what was called an aerosol with a load pisssssh! The first time they had sprayed him with cobwebs had been twenty years ago …..he had thought it the work of the devil. He had got used to it now.

He had found it embarrassing at first when it had been oil to stop him squeaking and grating. Then it was polish to keep him shining and finally it was cobwebs.

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