I journey within –
For so many nights now I have been dreaming of old tired places, thoughts and experiences I have no wish to revisit but which lurk in the dim recesses of my mind. It is as if all the debris of my psyche lies in wait for me to sleep so that it come come out and haunt me – night after night. Every sorry story I have ever been part of is choosing this current time frame to revisit me in fragmentary nightmarish scraps. It is as if I have become a voyeur surveying all those moments in my life when I was less than perfect or failed to achieve some goal.
Often these dreams are so disturbing they wake me up. Invariably this waking occurs at strange times – 02:02, 3:33, 4:44 etc. For a long time I thought the dreams were pointing out deep psychological dramas I needed to resolve. I would lie in bed, tossing and turning as I wrestled with my demons.
After a while it came to me that these dreams were showing me things that happened a long time ago. They were often about events that had been resolved with time or they retold stories of incidental moments that I could nothing about now. It was if my mind was somehow stained with these things – that those unpleasant occurrences had left behind a residue that still coloured my subconscious.
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