Time for change…

Image: Pixabay

I was given a clock for Christmas, a clock framed by pictures of my grandchildren. I hung it on the wall, marvelling at how quickly life can change. I, who was a young woman not two minutes ago, or so it seems, have grandchildren.

My eldest granddaughter had made me a card too and written it herself…with a little help from her father. I had to smile at the design the pair of them had chosen, a single red candle with holly leaves and berries… a design I had made from sugarpaste, every year, to decorate the family Christmas cake when the boys were young. My eldest granddaughter had made me a card too and written it herself…with a little help from her father. I had to smile at the design the pair of them had chosen, a single red candle with holly leaves and berries… a design I had made from sugarpaste, every year, to decorate the family Christmas cake when the boys were young. Christmas is a time for tradition and memory. My granddaughter has recently changed from being an only child to being a big sister. She is trying to work out relationships and needed to check if her Daddy had been in grandma’s tummy, once upon a time. Her father raised his eyebrows and grinned… we shared a glance that was not only between mother and son but between two adults who are parents and who understand the odd things small children can say. In one sentence, little Hollie had summed up a lifetime of changes.

I have seen so many changes, both natural and unnaturally brusque, over the years. When life creates change, we have little choice but to accept them. We do not always find it easy to create change for ourselves… even n the small things.

I yawn at the computer, finish my coffee and stand at the back door in the freezing night air to wake myself up. It’s only eight o’clock. Way too early for bed.

Or is it, really? Why?

Let’s think about this. I’ve been up since five…there’s no one here now but Ani and me, no requirements at this time of night to do anything, only the choice to work, wallow in a bathtub or put my feet up with a film. Granted, I can’t go to bed too early or I’ll have a desperate dog climbing the walls by morning, but she is asleep for the evening so this is a reasonable time as far as she is concerned. Especially given than ‘early to bed, early to rise’ will kick in if I sleep soon. It would do me good to stop tapping away, and relax for a while. So, what stops me?

Guilt. Years of habit, that’s what. Eight o’clock isn’t bedtime, it is the start of the evening in a busy household when everyone is at work all day. This is the time when cooking and dishes are done, time to sit down and relax with the family.

This no longer applies. My household has gone minimalist, just me and the dog, my official working day starts early and my unofficial working day finishes at whatever time I choose to stop writing. Still, the habit of being awake all evening is a hard one to break.

I’m working on it, taking the odd hour or two out to watch a film or read for a while. Because I can. That was a hard one. I can. Me. Selfishly, indulgently.

I hadn’t actually realised the conditioning, the programming, I had both accepted and imposed upon myself over the years; habits and routines that have inadvertently dominated the decades. It is only when that old saying kicks in that you start to notice; ‘you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone’… and it works both ways.

Continue reading at The Silent Eye

About Sue Vincent

Sue Vincent is a Yorkshire-born writer and one of the Directors of The Silent Eye, a modern Mystery School. She has written a number of books, both alone and with Stuart France, exploring ancient myths, the mysterious landscape of Albion and the inner journey of the soul. She is owned by a small dog who also blogs. Follow her at scvincent.com and on Twitter @SCVincent Find her books on Goodreads and follow her on Amazon worldwide to find out about new releases and offers. Email: findme@scvincent.com
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11 Responses to Time for change…

  1. very beautiful post sue, life is so about changes! wish you a blessed 2018!

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  2. I can’t go to bet too early because I only have so many hours of sleep in me and I hate waking in the middle of the night, then waiting until morning. I was always an early rise until recently. Garry always sleeps late and finally, I realized there was no reason on earth that I couldn’t live the same hours. It took a while for me to turn my hours around.

    These days, around 7 in the morning, the dogs decide I need to get up and give them a snack. They will not shut up until they get one, either. Garry can’t hear them, so they know it will be me coming out. They stand there, grinning. Waiting.

    THEN I go back to sleep for another hour or two.

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    • Sue Vincent says:

      I don’t mind how early I wake…providing the alarm clock isn’t responsible. I ;ove the quiet of early mornings and can get a lot done. One thing I cannot do, regardless of Ani’s needs, is lie in bed once I’m awake. Ten minutes is my max… So early to bed is probably a good idea.

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  3. Erik says:

    A wonderful and contextual illustration that we “always have a choice,” even while acknowledging that we don’t have every choice we wish we had (such as the ability to control the passage of time). Too many exert more of their energies trying to control what we can’t (through regret, worry, undirected anger, etc.) than making the choices we can make toward enjoying life in the now.

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    • Sue Vincent says:

      I agree, Erik, even when the only choice we appear to have is how to face the moment… we still have that one, at least.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Erik says:

        I’ve found that when I spend more of my energies making good choices regarding “the moment,” I wind up with little by way of regret, worry, etc. in the first place. Focus on those unchangeable things in life tends only toward bitterness and despair. I know that you yourself have come through horrific life circumstances with joy intact because you’ve found a way to face countless individual “now-moments” rather than dumping the majority of your resources into the things that were beyond the realm of your own immediate choice and which could not be undone.

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        • Sue Vincent says:

          You cannot always change things, but you can always choose how you live them, Sometimes that choice is a conscious one, sometimes it comes from having lived with a articular outlook for so long that it seems unconscious… and that can worth in both a positive or negative manner.We are creatures of habit, given half a chance… but we can build those habits to serve rather than hinder us.

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  4. Widdershins says:

    An interesting thing happens when we break the word, ‘selfish’ down … ‘self’ and ‘ish’ … when we say we’re feeling down-ish we tend to mean we’re feeling ‘down’ but not too down, just down around the edges. Perhaps a truer meaning for ‘selfish’ is that we are focused on the Self, even if it is just a bit around the edges. 🙂 … and focusing on the Self is never a bad thing. 😀

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