I got a letter. From Mylo. “Gorgeous little brunette?” eh? Well, that’s my Christmas wish sorted… and I might have to leave an extra mince pie out for Santa. Who needs mistletoe?
Mind, he does seem a bit accident prone… I’m sort of used to that with her…she can manage some weird accidents… so I can handle that. And look at those eyes…
I think I’d better go lie down for a while…
Mylo’s Letter to Santa
(Mylo’s Two-Legs is Geoff Le Pard)
We have been here before, haven’t we?
I mean I’ve tried the letter thing – and yes ok I know I got a bit overexcited with the address. How was I to know that Lapland was a country and not some sort of a huge bowl of milk and honey? The little overexcited tinkle at the thought that turned the letter into a papier-mâché nose snood as I tried to save it wasn’t funny if it was inevitable, wasn’t it?
And the list up the chimney? It’s not that I don’t understand physics. I’ve watched on the entry video at home as the Amazon delivery man backtracks from the doorbell at exactly the same speed as I approach the door to greet him – if that’s not the epitome of every action evokes an equal and opposite reaction then I don’t know what is. But I must have missed the sound wave lesson because no one expected the bark with which I sent the list on its way to generate just the right harmonic to dislodge the soot and for my two-legges to be checking on the list’s flight just at that moment.
I’d rather given up hope, in all honesty, until that gorgeous little brunette suggested using her anti-antler campaign as a vehicle for my bowl list (*editor’s note: the two legges obsession with bucket lists is a new phenomenon and a clear appropriation of its long standing canine equivalent).
Now that I have a way it’s rather important that I don’t waste the chance. I mean Christmas hasn’t been a great success tbh. For the last two years I’ve ended up at the emergency vet what with eating the two-legges advent calendar. Apparently chocolate is bad for me. Who knew? All I thought was they’d had their bit on day one so the other 24 little windows had to be mine. At least last year they had this chocolate:weight ratio chart to use which I passed by the odd gram; two years ago they chemically induced a vomit. Waste of chemicals if you ask me. Couple of blades of grass and I can upchuck like a shitzu on speed.
Anyhoo this year, after a lot of thought this is my list
1. More walks
2. Snuggles in the beanbag
And if I only get one choice then, well, sorry two-legges but it has to be the chicken.
Happy Christmas, Ani my paw-friend. One day our two-legges will let us share a sniff or two. That’s my real wish….
Mylo aka Dog on the Blog
About the author
Geoff Le Pard started writing to entertain in 2006. He hasn’t left his keyboard since. When he’s not churning out novels he writes some maudlin self-indulgent poetry, short fiction and blogs at geofflepard.com. He walks the dog for mutual inspiration and most of his best ideas come out of these strolls. He also cooks with passion if not precision.
Find and follow Geoff
Life in a Flash
Life is fast, life is short. In a series of short fiction pieces, most under 500 words, we explore the world, its inhabitants and their trials and tribulations, their ups and downs and sideways shifts, all with humour and decent grammar. You’ll find something to amuse and intrigue here and if, unlikely as it is, one piece isn’t for you, well, turn the page and start again.
My Father and Other Liars is a thriller set in the near future and takes its heroes, Maurice and Lori-Ann on a helter-skelter chase across continents.
Dead Flies and Sherry Trifle is a coming of age story. Set in 1976 the hero Harry Spittle is home from university for the holidays. He has three goals: to keep away from his family, earn money and hopefully have sex. Inevitably his summer turns out to be very different to that anticipated.
Life in a Grain of Sand is a 30 story anthology that covers many genres: fantasy, romance, humour, thriller, espionage, conspiracy theories, MG and indeed something for everyone. All the stories were written during Nano 2015
Salisbury Square is a dark thriller set in present day London where a homeless woman and a Polish man, escaping the police at home, form an unlikely alliance to save themselves.
Buster & Moo is about about two couples and the dog whose ownership passes from one to the other. When the couples meet, via the dog, the previously hidden cracks in their relationships surface and events begin to spiral out of control. If the relationships are to survive there is room for only one hero but who will that be?
This will be available here from 15th July
Antlers are for Reindeer!
If you would like to help save Ani from a fate (she says) worse than death, send your Letters to Santa, festive memories, short stories, flash fiction or poems to the Small Dog. She will post them every day through December until Christmas.
She would especially like to hear from her four-legged or feathered friends (she has a special place very close to her heart for turkeys)… but she says that two-legs are better than none, so she will accept submissions from humans too.
To get in touch, please use the form on the contact page or you can email Ani at email@example.com