I had to clean the fish tank out
Although it’s hot and steamy…
The fish were swimming to the glass
And couldn’t really see me.
There’s one in there, a monster fish…
There’s smaller sold for cooking…
And he is such a character
You know when he is looking.
“Ahem,” said Fish as I approached,
“You’re slacking on the cleaning.
A water change would be quite nice…
If you could take my meaning….”
I took the hint, took off the lid
And started on the bailing,
It’s not a big or complex job,
It ought to be plain sailing.
The little fish all disappeared,
The big fish wasn’t moving,
He just lay on the gravel bed
And watched me, disapproving.
He wants the water clean and bright,
The filter washed and clear,
But he’s not happy when
The fish tank cleaner comes too near…
A flick of that almighty tail
He launches from the water…
And lands with such a splash
He drenches me, the dog, the mortar…
There’s fishy rivers on the wall
And splashes on the ceiling,
The dog shoots underneath the desk
And glares at me with feeling.
And me? I’m soaked from heat to foot,
My clothes will all need wringing,
And meanwhile, as I stand and drip,
The ruddy phone starts pinging…
“We have a problem, mother,
Could you bob down to my house?
I put a pint glass over it…”
The cat has caught a mouse.
“It’s squeaking, and I’ve trapped its tail,”
His phone moved so I’d hear it.
“What should I do, ’cause if I move
The cat will get too near it?”
I bit back quite discretely
All the words I’d like to say,
She’d had a frog that morning,
She kills something every day…
I love my furred and scaly friends,
But some days I could wish
I’d not got an aquarium
And had no cats or fish.