We’ve sort of established that human two-legses are weird, right? Well, what about this whole mince pie thing they do every Christmas?
“I’ll have to make some mince pies,” she says. My ears pricked up at that!In my eyes, a mince pie is full of mince… that ground up beef stuff… with gravy and pastry. That makes them fair game for small dogs, as far as I’m concerned.
But… “No,” she says, “not allowed,” she says. “Raisins,” she says.
So… the mince pies are really raisin pies? “They used to be mince-meat,” she says, as if ‘used to’ is going to help. “With raisins.” So, let me get this straight… they took the good stuff out and shoved more sugar in instead? No wonder they dive around like mad things this time of year and don’t know how to chill!
‘Cause they eat a lot of ’em. She says she is supposed to eat one for every month of the year. To bring her good luck. I think it is more likely to feel like bad luck when she gets fat and her teeth drop out, but what do I know? It wouldn’t happen with proper mince, now, would it? No… that’s protein…and she could share with me and eat less.
Speaking of getting fat… how come you don’t burst?
It seems a bit odd, you know. You ride about on the sleigh all night eating mince pies and never get any fatter. And there’s poor Rudolph and his mates doing all the sleigh-pulling, right round the world and all they get is a low-calorie carrot? Seems a bit unfair to me.
About as unfair as talking about mince to a small dog, then telling her she can’t have any…
You wouldn’t be able to fit some in your sack, would you?
Think I’ll go dig the sofa up.
P.S. If she stays up all night again, will you still be able to get in?