Since we began to build the Silent Eye School I have been on a journey. I suppose I always have. The life I have lived, the choices I have made in face of events, the books I have read and the Teachers I have been privileged to know, all have had a part to play in shaping the person who now serves the School. And she is a work in progress.
I’m no-one special. Just a very ordinary little woman, a middle-aged Mum. You would pass me in the supermarket without a second glance. Yet I have lived through some extraordinary events, been given unusual opportunities to experience life and love, laughter, grief and fear. I have made mistakes, large and small, all too frequently. I have ignored life lessons until they have come round and bitten me so hard that they could no longer be ignored. I have squirmed in my boots at what people might think of me, feared everything from soggy earthworms to freedom, conformed to the images others have expected of me and tied myself in knots to be what I thought they wanted me to be, agonising over their opinions without ever admitting that to myself. Much like most of us I suspect.
Then events took a hand and I had to call a halt to the way I had been and start living to some purpose. That or be a perpetual victim of my own moral cowardice.
Parts of my life, through no choice of my own, became public domain. The violent stabbing of my son spread our names across the papers and TV screens. Not all reports were accurate, some were devastatingly wrong. Details of our situation were reported on the internet as we fought for my son’s life and then for his recovery. Details that would have shamed a proud Yorkshire lass to have made public had anyone asked. Even recently there were calls from the Press, though this time there was triumph at my son’s achievements.
In one fell swoop I was asked to deal with both the social fears common to most of us and the deepest rooted terrors of any parent. And in doing so, I found myself with little fear left. I cannot say that there are not things in my past I would prefer remain decently interred. We all have skeletons of some kind in our personal closets, even if some of them, as I read once, turn out to be only the skeleton of a mouse. But the events of the past brought me here, to who and what and where I am and are the foundation of my future. Mistakes that could make me cringe in retrospective shame were part of the learning and the journey and many turned out to be positive experiences in the end.
A friend and I were talking about this a little while ago. “Is there anything, in this world or the next that you are afraid of? Really?” She went on to suggest that we play at fear, because we are so used to it, because it adds a frisson… And the more I thought about it, the more I saw she had a point. Because once you accept that all things are part of the learning curve of the journey, they suddenly seem to have potential and purpose, often beyond that which we can see. And really, the only thing we need to fear is our own blind reaction, our own fear. If we live with awareness of what we do and take the responsibility for our choices, accepting ourselves for who we truly are, what is there to fear?
And you know, that is a really comfortable place to be.
That is not to say there are not the usual fears of everyday! Come at me with a rain-soaked worm or a piece of raw tripe and believe me, I’ll squeal and run with the best of them. Or the greater fears most of us harbour to deal with… but with the altered perspective they really don’t matter so much in the bigger picture. We will either be called upon to face them or not. If we do have to face them, then they are no longer a vague fear but a solid reality to be handled and it is we ourselves who define how we choose to act, not the fear… unless we let it. If we don’t have to face them, then what were we worrying for?
Especially if we can move forward in the trust and knowledge that one way or another, everything can have a purpose if we care to find it and all experience can be seen as full of potential and opportunity.
For Colleen’s Writer’s Quote Wednesday and Ronovan’s BeWoW
Sue Vincent's Daily Echo 
What a beautifully-written, inspiring story. Thanks for sharing. I have always believed that everything happens for a reason. Just sometimes it takes a while for us to figure it out. But when we do, as you have, WOW!
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I feel there is always reason or purpose to be found in anything… even if, as you say, we take a while to work it out 🙂
Mind.. though I have every respect for the humble earthworm and have no problem meeting it in its proper milieu.. I still have yet to figure out their purpose when they are strewn pale, flaccid and wet across the path in numbers I do not wish to even contemplate….;-)
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Me either. Yuck! 🙂
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*chuckles*
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This was a particularly wonderful post. 🙂
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Thank you 🙂
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That was a really insightful post Sue. Thanks for putting things into perspective. I am a born worrier, but I have realised that it is a pointless exercise! 🙂
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Me too .. But there are probably better things to use our energy on 🙂
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Not all understand such path for many that I know has never been through such event in life. Such people who has been through the worse knew what hidden beyond the mystery of life and yet to face the fear is sometimes the worse of what we parents do or did. But life is life – we all have to face certain circumstances and it is up to us to know which path we choose. To hold the faith or just to let go, and walk forward …
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It is, I feel, enough to choose our path forwards at any moment and follow it with a whole heart.
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Absolutely true, Sue! You have such a beautiful way with words. ☺
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Thank you, Florence x
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Gosh, reading your post has made me feel so much better! I seem to be scared of so many things these days. Im sure I was never so scared when I was younger. Now things have come to a head in something major, but I dont know how to tackle it. Just realising it makes me feel better though. And the way will come to me, I’m sure, when the time is right. Your post made me realise that I am not weaker or more pathetic than anyone else, just human. 😊
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I’d say that you are a very strong woman, Ali. Fearing things doesn’t show weakness… Fear can be useful too… It is how we bring ourselves to face them. Facing fear is not weakness but courage. X
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Very articulate and inspiring. You are a strong woman. Keep writing and moving people with the power of your words. Best wishes. 🙂
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Thank you so much 🙂
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Reblogged this on graemecummingdotnet and commented:
It’s true. We all have fears that are irrational, but often borne from our experiences. But we also have the capacity to overcome them – especially if we’re forced to. Though I still think a fear of snakes is a perfectly rational thing…
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Wet worms also.. Perfectly logical… 😉 thanks for reblogging. Graeme.
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I could write a post about how much I love this one, Sue. Why is it that folks who have never dealt with tragedy are the ones who worry the most ? Facing and dealing with life challenges serves to prepare us for whatever comes next. In the words of Winston Churchill…”“When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened”. ☺
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That is a brilliant quote… and true for many of us, I feel, Van 🙂
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Thank you for such an inspiring and comforting post. It was just what I needed to read. 🙂
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Thank you… I really appreciate that 🙂
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I can definitely empathise with your thoughts. You seem like a very strong person and survivor with much wisdom to give to others due to your experiences. Thank you for sharing.
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I don’t know that I am either except by necessity… which is perhaps the same for all of us. Thank you.
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Beautiful post, Sue. I too find that most fears are little mouse skeletons when they’re finally revealed. I think about all the fears I’ve lived through and how the presence of “fear” didn’t add anything to the experience or change the situation for the better. Getting older, for me, has come with a great deal of acceptance, and much of it through an appreciation of the poignant journey that brought me here. The little mice bare their teeth and I sweep them out the door.
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The fear is so often worse than the experience… But it holds us back from diving in..
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Lovely post, Sue. We are all on an ever-expanding journey. Recently, I was reminded of the bigger picture when an event from my past that was deemed traumatic turned out to help me in a positive way in the the present. It may take a while, but eventually you’ll find the silver lining in everything.
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I think that is the way to move forward x
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Great quote. The Dali Lama does have a way with words, doesn’t he? 😀
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He does… A wise old man.
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Sue what a beautiful and very inspirational post. I think The quote by the Dalai Lama sums it all up. You have been on a difficult journey, for sure, but you have come out shining.
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Still getting there, Michelle 🙂
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Lovely post, very encouraging. Thank you for this ❤
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Thanks, I’m glad you enjoyed it.
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You have really made me think today. Thank you.
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Thanks, Linda.
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