Charles has just released his new book, The Mercenary Prince… the latest in his popular Windemere fantasy series. I wonder how many of these he is relating from personal experience…?
A big thank you to Sue Vincent for allowing me to be a little silly and a little informative on her blog today. Being a fantasy author, I don’t spend all of my time in reality and the lines can blur from time to time. Are there signs that your fantasy writing friends are gradually losing their mind? Of course and they can be fairly amusing as long as you keep them away from sharp objects, short sticks, reptiles, anything flammable, and busy streets. So here are some signs and advice on how to help them . . . or just have fun at their expense.
1. If a fantasy author’s arms are moving like they are in the midst of a swordfight then they might be going crazy. Location is everything though. Doing this while writing is fine. Pretending to battle a heavily armored knight while waiting on line to purchase groceries means the impulse buy rack is about to hit the floor.
2. If a fantasy author is staring at something and mumbling gibberish, they might have forgotten that they don’t really have magic. Never ask what they are trying to cast because you could find yourself trapped in an instruction on the basics of arcana. A flick to the head should fix this, but back out of the room if whatever they’re staring at moves or catches fire.
3. If a fantasy author is speaking in ‘Noble Tongue’ and sounds like an extra from Lord of the Rings, they’re probably stuck in dialogue mode. Do not go along with it unless your plan is to use their situation to make a bigger splash at the local Renaissance Faire. Most importantly, DO NOT let them record answering machine and incoming voicemail messages. Skype is fine though.
4. If a fantasy author announces he or she is going on a quest, try to keep them inside until that urge disappears. This may require duct tape or handcuffs because the desire to go on an adventure is strong. Be warned that they may have contacted other authors to join them on their quest. If those don’t have caring and prepared friends like you then expect people wearing pots on their heads at your door.
5. If a fantasy author enters a bar and declares that all the mead is their treat . . . go along with it because free drinks don’t happen every day. Try to get some nachos out of them too by saying they’re a type of Dwarven Salad.
6. If a fantasy author keeps trying to put his or her hand in your pocket, they probably think they’re a thief. You didn’t notice because they always wear dark clothes, stay up late, and speak as if they have secrets. This clumsy attempt at robbery is the final clue that they are getting too into their morally ambiguous anti-hero. Though the trick is really on them because your wallet is in your other pocket and now they have to explain why they are fingering your keys.
7. If a fantasy author suddenly mistakes modern technology for monsters or has no idea how they work then they may have gone too far down their internal rabbit hole. You can do two things here. One is that you stuff them in a car even though they swear it’s a man-eating dragon. Keep them inside with the radio playing until they calm down, but don’t expect them to pay for damages. Authors don’t have money, you know. The other option is to point out that they’re still checking their iPhone every few minutes and you’re tired of these outbursts for attention.
Check out my newest book
LEGENDS OF WINDEMERE: THE MERCENARY PRINCE
And visit me at
LEGENDS OF WINDEMERE
@cyallowitz
Cover art by Jason Pedersen
About the Author:
Charles Yallowitz was born and raised on Long Island, NY, but he has spent most of his life wandering his own imagination in a blissful haze. Occasionally, he would return from this world for the necessities such as food, showers, and Saturday morning cartoons. One day he returned from his imagination and decided he would share his stories with the world. After his wife decided that she was tired of hearing the same stories repeatedly, she convinced him that it would make more sense to follow his dream of being a fantasy author. So, locked within the house under orders to shut up and get to work, Charles brings you Legends of Windemere. He looks forward to sharing all of his stories with you, and his wife is happy he finally has someone else to play with.
Sue Vincent's Daily Echo 
Reblogged this on Legends of Windemere and commented:
A fun guest post about fantasy authors and going crazy.
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See… there are good reasons why I read fantasy )
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I just like the shiny swords. 😀
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LOL…great post. You kept me laughing. I don’t see these things in you, Charles, but I don’t live with you either.
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#1 has happened when I’m figuring out an action scene. Only time in public was when I tried writing at the public library. Thought the guy talking to his upside down newspaper would draw attention away from me.
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If you wish to add Charles Yallowitz to my post I wrote today (12/30/15) with Sue’s name (with a list of her books) and other fellow writers, Please add a link! 🙂
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Thanks. What link would you need? Or is this something Sue needs to do?
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Very true, Charles. I’m particularly susceptible to 3, 4, and 5. I babysat for a neighbor’s goats recently and was paid in mead. A fun post 🙂
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😀
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That’s actually pretty cool. I haven’t had actual mead since my wedding 10 years ago. One of the groomsmen spent the morning touring the local wineries and bought a bottle that was kept behind the bar for me. Can’t find the stuff around here. Glad you enjoyed the post. 🙂
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The farm where I do chores makes it themselves. Sometimes I pretend I live in the middle ages, Charles 🙂
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Awesome. Have to admit I’m rather jealous of that. 😉
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Pingback: 7 Signs a fantasy author is going crazy – a guest post from Charles E. Yallowitz | oshriradhekrishnabole
Loved this post and can relate to just a few so I guess I am safe for my friends. Keep writing and broadening horizons 🙂
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🙂
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Ah ah ah, the smile when you are not sure what to say 😀
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Well I thought I’d leave Charles to answer this one 🙂
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Right, how thoughtful of you. Then again all your writing and what you do with your blog as far as I have discovered depicts that very image 🙂
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I shall go and blush quietly… Thank you Geetha
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Welcome 🙂
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Thanks. Keep writing yourself and hopefully you don’t hit all 7. If you do then blame it on gnomes. 😀
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Ah ah ah. I’ll blame it on the blobs
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I always feel sorry for blobs. Just oozing around without a brain. Poor things.
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Don’t, they feed on empathy and may just swallow you whole 😀
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Honestly, the slimes I have in Windemere are simple creatures that feed off carrion. One type is used by gnomes as garbage disposals.
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🙂
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Charles is fantastic! I shall forever call nachos Dwarven salad now!
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Don’t forget the dressing (melted cheese), which is weird coming from me because I don’t like melted cheese.
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😀
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Reblogged this on Kate McClelland.
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Thanks for the reblog.
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Beautiful Charles…gave me my first smile of the day. You did however forget one. Referring to the family dog as Draug and then proceeding to finish all of your commands in Elvish. Then getting angry when the draug pretends he doesn’t understand you at all. The draug must be removed before you banish him or he bites you.
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🙂
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Good one. Honestly, I never had a dog or cat, so pets kind of slip my mind. Now I’m tempted to one day get a dog and purposely name him Draug. 😀
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🙂
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Reblogged this on CrazyEnoughToWrite and commented:
A perfect example of things for our better half to watch for…
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Thanks for the reblog. What if our better half is crazy too?
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Pity the neighbors…
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Eh, they knew the risks when they moved in. 😀
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Bravo. My big laugh of the day.
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*takes a bow* Happy to supply the guffaws.
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LOL
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Great stuff Charles. Makes me want to drive to our local co-op for a bottle of mead and a Dwarven salad.
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Meal of champions. 🙂 Closest I have is popcorn and a Mike’s Hard Lemonade with Deadpool on the can.
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Hilarious, Charles. I can see how those actions might concern people. Not other authors of course, but some people. Thanks, Sue for having Charles do this guest post. 😀 — Suzanne
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Glad you enjoyed it. Maybe the more reality-focused authors will get thrown off. I’ve confused a few of those before. 🙂
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What a great post, I was chuckling recognising some of the traits in myself. lol loved it.
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Glad to hear it. Also to hear that other people have some of these traits.
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LOL! That’s very educational 😉
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Thanks 🙂
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Reblogged this on The BiaLog and commented:
Great post! I’ve been close to a couple of these at times. LOL
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🙂
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Thanks for the reblog. Some days it’s fun to be close to those. At least in the safety of one’s own home.
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🙂
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You’re welcome. 🙂 Definitely. It’s fun to act a little crazy every now and then. My wife just shakes her head anymore. lol
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Crazy keeps the world spinning most days. 😀
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Yes it does. 😀
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Nachos aren’t a dwarven salad? My whole life is a lie.
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🙂
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