Thrust naked into an unknown world, fear must be our first instinctive emotion. It follows us through childhood with night terrors, monsters under the bed and spiders that stalk us in the shower. It attends our first day at school, our first solo bike ride, mingled perhaps with other, more exotic emotions like anticipation and excitement. But it is present nonetheless.
If we are honest with ourselves, fear intrudes just as much upon our days as adults. It may be disguised as worry… will you make the appointment on time, get the job, or have enough food in the cupboard to last till the end of the month? It can be deeper, and often is, rooted in other emotions… the fear of failure or rejection, the fear of loss and sorrow, the fear of … well, the list, of course, is endless and as varied as thought and feeling.
We tend to think of fear as a negative emotion. Yet it can also be a valuable tool. Fear can help us gain control of our actions. It is a thrust block against which we can get a purchase, and can impel us to act.
More importantly, perhaps, it can be a measure of oneself.
Life has a habit of going round in circles when there are lessons to be learned. Have you ever stopped to look at the challenges with which you are presented? They may take a myriad shapes but there will be a consistent thread running through them in many cases. You go round and round coming back to face the same underlying problem dressed in many guises. It is only by stopping and taking the time out to look that you will notice. And only by turning around to face your fear, dealing with it and moving on that you can break out of the circle and begin another arc of the upward spiral of learning.
It won’t stop the challenges… the truer the blade, the hotter the forge will need to be and life has a habit of stoking the furnace. But one can move on to a new challenge, another opportunity for the inner self to learn and grow.
In this respect fear becomes an ally, if we allow it to be. It permits us to test and measure ourselves and our courage, gives us opportunities for a personal, quiet heroism… even if it is only dealing with the spider oneself rather than cowering behind the shower curtain.
Like the spider, our fears are often magnified by our perception and the reality not quite as monstrous as it seems. The anticipation is generally far worse than the event. By turning to face them we regain control of our choices to act in accordance with the will and not react in simple terror.
It can be far easier said than done, of course, when one is caught in the mesh of emotion, where one fear piles on top of another into a compound morass of emotion. But it can be done. Sometimes it is as easy as acting ‘as if’.
There is an oft quoted teaching from Ignatius Loyola about putting oneself in the attitude of prayer. It suggests that by assuming the correct outward appearance, the prayerful state will follow. This is true in everyday life too. Pretend for long enough that the dentist holds no fear for you, so that the children do not grow into your own fear, and one day you realise the fear you think you feel is just a habit and is not really there. Evict enough spiders bravely from the bathroom and they gradually become simply the minute creatures they are. Present a confident face to the world and that confidence seeps in and becomes real.
Fear is too often a habit we cling to because of its familiarity.
Once upon a time a very young mother would tie the door handles together and check the wardrobes before bed… and I mention no names here at all…and you can stop laughing now…Yet now I sit all alone in the house, even when the dog has deserted me to stay with a friend for the night, with the back door wide open to the night, letting the fresh, cold air stream in.
So… are you going to wait for help or turn and deal with the eight legged monster in the shower yourself?
Originally posted 2012
Sue Vincent's Daily Echo 
Shades of Anthony Perkins!
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🙂
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Hmmm, Sue, still not able to deal with the eight legged monster if there’s a web involved. But I’m pretty sure my otherworld kin will put an end to that excuse within the year. 🙂 Beautiful post, my friend. You know, I face challenges all the time– manifest ones, like trying to travel somewhere without sight, many spiritual ones. What you say is true, beautifully said. Fear helps me measure how important overcoming a challenge is going to be to growing. If I’m panicked about it, even when I know I’ll be safe, I’m even more determined to show up and meet it. When I have not been safe, the challenge for me has been to learn to set boundaries and leave, of which I am grateful. I’m always grateful even if sometimes that takes time to happen. It’s not having no fear at all, but learning how to let it pass through you and stay open to the learning in the lessons of life, hold out your hands, accept, live, find the peace always holding you within itself afterward. Surrender, actively. A spiritual teacher I know, named Martha Beck, says, “Cave early.” Fantastic advice. 🙂 And at this point, I appreciate the adventure of participating in those kinds of challenges, because what would life or the world be like if we ever got to some point where there was no more room to grow? I’d rather keep growing! We never have to meet our challenges in life alone, though. Sometimes it is courageous to let someone help you. Receiving is often more terrifying than giving. And in the world beyond, we always belong, there is no separation. I believe that’s why letting go works, why it’s so needed, you meet the challenge and find the divine light shining through you. It’s always yours, but it’s the door to everywhen, to come home beyond yourself. On some level self-sufficiency is impossible, we live by and for and because of, even sometimes through each other. We don’t exist apart from each other, even as individuals. Sometimes this truth is the only reason I have faced a challenge and somewhere in the middle of it taking all I have, I stopped being afraid and started to heal.
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Yes, the thread of life binds us all at some level, Eilis.
Do you know the Litany against Fear from Frank Herbert’s Dune books?
I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
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Spiders are scary. Snakes even scarier. They bit and kill. I don’t know if fear is instinctive or something we learn. Maybe a combination of both. It is wise to be aware of what to be fearful of, if that makes sense. Maybe not since man is suppose to rule the earth.
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Many fears are thought to be genetic… modes of safety to keep us from harm. Others we learn… and some we don’t really need to. Some fears have their uses, it is true. Others we allow to rule our lives and that, I feel, is where the problem lies.
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Wise words about fear, Sue; it is certainly a destructive habit I cling to endlessly. xxx
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The habot of fear is perhaps the hardest to let go of, I feel. xxx
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Good post. Can’t remember if it was Truman or Roosevelt that said, the only thing to fear is fear itself. And that is very true. if we allow fear to rule us, we lose so very much.
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Whoever said it first was absolutely right in mu opinion, Kanzen.
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I really enjoyed this post, Sue, but it made me think long and hard about fear. I have always made a point of never accepting fear in any form, but maybe I have, under another name. Does this make me less brave than I thought I was?
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Brave isn’t about not being afraid… it is about being scared and doing things anyway. Or so said my granny, a very wise lady 🙂
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Reblogged this on Anita & Jaye Dawes and commented:
by any other name ?
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EEEEK!
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Great post….fear takes so many shapes and will rule us if we let it.
Facing it can be terrifying and liberating.
It has been peeled away from me layer by painful layer….to the point that not too much scares me any more, as I trust myself, and the world…..but it has not been easy
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I recognise that Seonaid. Few things truly scare me these days… though the habit of being scared of things can be as hard to crack as the fear.
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Luckily for me, I learned early on to face my fears and in doing so learned that they are generally A LOT smaller that you think. Instead of a raging lion on the other side of the door, you open it to find a mewling kitten. The only fear/worry that can still get me is where my adult sons are involved and I have no control one way or the other! I must always turn it over to their guardian angels and trust in the best outcome.
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Letting go of the fear for your children is always a big one… mine seem determined to desensitise me to that fear by throwing goodness knows what at it 🙂
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😀
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Fear is a powerful emotion. Your post reminded me of an article I read recent;y about memory and fear. Some scientist have been able to implant a memory in a mouse and have it react to a stimulus when in fact they had never experienced that memory – and it was fear!
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Fear seems to be the most insidious emotion… and finds all sorts of strange ways into our minds and behaviour.
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I’m terrified of spiders. The bigger, the more terrifying.
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Used to be… but not any more 🙂
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EEEEeeeeK!!!!
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🙂
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I hate that Im scared of spiders. I’m scared of other things, too, things that never even entered my head when I was young. Isnt that the wrong way around?!!
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No… I think we can become more scared as we get older and understand the implications 😉
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Yes thats it. I always consider what would happen to the kids if anything happened to me. Thats just worrying though. And it makes me plan ahead, and take more care.
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Yep… I think most parents can relate to that.
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ARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!! 😉
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🙂
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I have seen some huge hairy spiders this year. Far more than I remember in previous years. I don’t think I am shrinking quite yet so it must be them getting bigger 🙂
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It does seem to have been a year for them this year!
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I read all of your wonderful, empowering post and it was amazing! But… somehow, I know that I still won’t be going after the spider. And don’t even get me started on clowns…
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Ah, but clowns are strange creatures… 🙂
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