Katie’s account of the birth of the Silent Eye

As I left Wales for Derbyshire that sunny Friday morning and made my way through vast mountains and valleys, market towns, villages and dark forests, I had no particular expectations of what might be in store that weekend. Admittedly I was a bit apprehensive – I barely knew anyone, felt under-experienced and the Ritual Workbook had got me in something of a tizz. Whilst Steve had kindly reassured me, I was still like a ‘rabbit in headlights’ over some of the lines, moves and layouts but of course he was right – it all worked perfectly on the day. The drive was so beautiful – full of anticipation, sunshine, lambs, red kites, buzzards and rocky outcrops – all against a sprouting backdrop of the Lady’s verdant spring gown. Oh – and blue, blue skies… I was scooting along, happy and free, ‘life is good’ I thought – ‘life is bloody good’!

The Ritual workbook however had provided another concern – I was horrified to find that the role I had been given was that of a rather aggressive Circus owner with a penchant for capturing and training big wild cats – shudders! As something of a free spirit myself and and an animal rights advocate, her attitude and some of her script had my toes curling! I felt I couldn’t possibly represent this woman with any conviction. However as my 7 hour drive to Derbyshire progressed I found myself getting more and more assertive and .. dare I say it, more like her in some respects. As the weekend and story unfolded I began to take a less literal view of her occupation and began to see through the  layers of symbolism and appreciate the relevance of her character. I eventually came to look upon this formidable lady and her big cats in quite a different light.

On arrival the first people to greet me were Jordis and Matt, I was a tad nervous and clumsily blurted out that I had brought a fur stole with a view to making my entrance ‘in character’ but felt I hadn’t quite got the ‘sphericals’ to carry it off. However on sight of Sue and Steve, without thinking I immediately wrapped myself in the stole and cried ‘Darlings – let’s get this show on the road!’ It seemed that the Tyger Lady was making an appearance whether I liked it (and her) or not… and at that point I most certainly didn’t!

The weekend was packed full – and I mean packed, early starts, a full schedule and late nights made them rather long days (to confess, the late nights were in the pub, but hey they dragged me there – honest, it’s all Matt and Kevin’s fault!). So packed, in fact, that at the time I didn’t quite notice such a bond was forming, but form it did, I started hugging people – a lot. And the laughter, oh my, did we laugh, I recall dissolving into a helpless pool of giggles on Friday night! Without realising, it seemed a spiritual family had reunited and for me at least, the beauty of that reunion was in its natural, persuasive stealth… this gathering felt so very familiar and comfortable right from the very start.

And so to the Work.

Image by Matt Baldwin-Ives

As the story of the Pilgrims unfolded, so did our characters. I went to my room after each Ritual to write up some notes and sometimes lie on the bed for a few minutes (with that fur stole hanging nearby which, with no small amount of guilt, I own – but that’s another story altogether) musing on this feisty, fearless lady I was portraying. In particular I thought about the polarity of character traits, and whilst her character here was challenging and aggressive, these traits do have an opposite, positive aspect. I realised that there have been times when it would have been wise for me to encompass them – to have been more self-assured, confident and independent. I have also since  mused on the Circus connection, and apparently the word originates from the Greek ‘Krikos’ meaning ‘circle’, and an early Christian writer claimed that circus games originated with the goddess Circe in honour of her father Helios the Sun god. All rather interesting given that our ‘performances’ were at points around the Enneagram circle and the School’s birth was at sunrise on Sun-day under the watchful Eye of Horus.

Without effort and perhaps even without realising, we became increasingly drawn into the unfolding story, the challenges and interplay between the Troubadours, Keepers, Child and Pilgrims. There were many poignant moments, a personal one was when the King said some kind words to the Tyger Lady and kissed her hand. This gesture had touched me when I read through the script beforehand, but I wasn’t quite prepared for its effect within the Temple setting – frankly she melted, her spiky armour fell away and there she was – vulnerable but not weak, exposed but not defenceless – his gentleness and kindness had dissolved her ego defences and restored her trust in her true self, it really was quite beautiful.

On Sunday morning (after a whole 4 hours sleep, yes you know who’s fault that was!) I made my way down the Temple at 4.45am for the Vigil. I was heartened to see so many of us there at that crazy hour given our long journeys to get there, lack of sleep, another long day ahead and more travelling after that. Yet there we were, calmly, gently and in Silence we waited at the Temple doors.

I was the last to enter and walking towards Sue, who was sitting almost statue-like in a beautiful gown and veil, I was struck by how serene she looked. Indeed the whole room resonated with a gold flecked, diffused light and I felt as if I was stepping into another dimension, it was so still and pure… a sanctuary. When the time was right, Sue led everyone in total silence out of the Temple and through the sleeping, misty village which felt somewhat like the outer expression of an inner landscape, that of being ‘awake’ whilst surrounded by those who still ‘sleep’. The first light gently illuminated the undulating landscape but all was still grey, there wasn’t quite enough light to see the colours and in this I saw yet another analogy of spiritual awakening. As we passed the village boundary stone, a lamb came toward us and bleated several times – no one broke the silence but many smiled or gasped, recognising the significance of this little soul’s cries…. and another gift – a hawk flew overhead to complete the blessing.

As the sunrise grew closer and closer, Steve and Sue brought their School into being. Once we had all had passed through the gateway formed by them both (creating a wonderful piece of symbolism) we stood in silence, holding that moment, with only the sounds of the natural world about us. I felt so honoured to be part of it and on finding myself holding Dean’s hand – who’s role was that of the King – I instinctively returned his kiss in an expression of gratitude. Congratulations were offered, photo’s were taken and the Company meandered their way down the hill and through the village back to the Centre – no doubt with hot drinks and breakfast in mind! Benjamin and I loitered, arm  in arm we watched the glowing sun peep over the hill and rise up, its weak orange light slowly creeping across the rolling Derbyshire hills, chasing away those grey shadows.

The last Ritual that Sunday morning was potent. The story came to its climax and emotions ran high. Sue’s voice trembled as she delivered her last line and as she moved to stand next to Steve I felt a wave of intense emotion blast across the circle from them both – this was it – the final moments of the final ritual and the Silent Eye School of Consciousness was well and truly conscious in its own right…. a leap of faith and months of work, sacrifice and emotion were about to come to fruition. I’d managed to hold it together during Ali’s final, very moving, performance but now tears pricked my eyes and I had to take some deep breaths to compose myself as I prepared to take my  leave of the Temple. Once we were all gathered outside in the hallway and the Temple doors were closed behind us for the last time, there was a tangible energy of completion and release.

At last, the School was alive and its energies were now afoot!

With thanks to Steve, Sue and my Companions of that weekend for their gifts – of privately spoken supportive words, shared stories and knowledge, kindness, hugs, laughter and tears. Such fond memories, I treasure each and every one. And my, what a fine gathering of human, hobbit, elf and faery folk we made!

Katie /|\

ps. I was partaking of a cup of tea as I tweaked the final draft and just noticed what was on my mug, sometimes we need to be tyger – sometimes tigger. The trick of course, is knowing when to be which.