Shards of glass flew everywhere, surrounding my bare feet and covering the work surface with sparkling motes. The sun through the window lit the tiny fragments with incongruous rainbows. My hand, abused by a heavy day in my son’s garden, had refused to grip the slick surface. It was nothing much, a simple accident that would normally have passed by almost unremarked, save for the odd expletive. Instead, I could feel a knot tighten in my stomach, the pressure of tears demanding release behind my eyes as I ordered the dog to her bed to protect her paws. The mythical ‘stiff upper lip’ began to quiver and I felt about as steady on my feet as a jelly.

Even as the tears came, I could not help laughing at myself. It was ridiculous to get so upset over a broken glass.

As I started to clear up the mess, though, I realised that was not the true cause. Weeks of imposed tension had finally found a safe outlet and the floodgates opened as soon as the chance was offered. You cannot weep, moan and rage against necessity… rather like pulling a bad tooth, you have to get on with it, whether you like it or not, whether you want it or not, no matter how uncomfortable, inconvenient or upsetting it may be. You squash those ‘negative’ feelings and remind yourself how much worse the situation is for so very many others… which adds a measure of guilt to the fermenting brew of emotions you try not to acknowledge.

But beyond the smile you wear, the humour with which you doggedly rise to each new challenge, or the surprising ‘silver linings’ that present themselves… like finding that ‘rush hour’ is just you on the road… life, at the moment, is not okay.

Continue reading at The Silent Eye