Well, you might have noticed the two-legs has been a bit quiet… she had to go to the vet, the one with the knives… and we four-legses know that’s never a good sign. Some of my boy dog friends can attest to that! So, she packed me off to stay with my friends for a couple of nights… and you should have seen the state of her when they finally let me come home. Not a pretty sight! And the little whimpers and moans…she sounded like a sick cat…
She says the two-legs vets do stuff like this all the time, so I’m not to worry, but it does get to you after a while. When I’m not well, she strokes my ears and lets me have the sofa. Yeah, I know I always have the sofa anyway…but when I’m poorly, she actually lets me have it.
So, I got to thinking ’bout what I could do to help her feel better, and I thought I could make a list in case any of my friends need to fix their two-legses. ‘Cause, you know, it isn’t always easy to tell with a two-legs… if they have wet noses, it usually means they are poorly. Not like us.
First, as soon as they let you near them, you need to find out where the problem is. The most efficient way of doing that is to sit or stand on them. Remember that this is for their own good. Just like they tell us when they give us the flea stuff. A well-placed paw, as long as it has your weight behind it, will make them yelp. The louder they yelp, the closer you are to the source of the problem. It is probably best to jump on that spot for a time or two, just to make sure… but if they start saying those words they are not supposed to say, you can be pretty sure you’ve found the right place.
Next, you need to make sure they stay alert. Person’lly, I find a soggy tennis ball in the face works wonders with mine. Breathing on them close up seems to work too. There must be some magic in dog-breath…she says it is better than smelling salts.
Make sure they eat. The best way is to look thin and hungry… that gets them into the kitchen every time. You just have to sit with your legs tight to your body, suck your cheeks in and do the puppy-eye thing. Works a treat…and usually for treats too. They’ll remember to eat while they are in the kitchen… but to make sure they don’t overeat, you must be prepared to help them out.
Exercise… that’s important. They need to keep their blood moving. Tennis balls are good for this too. Half an hour playing fetch should do it. Especially if you make them do the fetching. I find it useful to hide the ball under furniture, where I can’t get it…that way she gets some bending and stretching in too. On the other hand, you shouldn’t let them do too much and if you can help them around the house, that’s always good.
Fresh air is good for them…and in winter it keeps their temperature down too. If you manage to get them to open a door, just sit in the gap so they can’t close it. Chase a few pigeons too…that gets their lungs working when they shout you to come in. The two-legs, not the pigeons.
Whatever you do, don’t panic. They are pretty good at getting better as a rule… they just need a bit of love and encouragement. If all else fails, try wandering round looking miserable. This is foolproof. They suddenly start concentrating on you instead of what the vet did to them. If you can manage the odd sigh when you look at the leash, that usually kickstarts them and you can pretty much guarantee a walk next day…which is really good for them.
But probably the most important one is cuddles… they can be as
selfsuffishant stubborn as they like, but cuddles will get them to rest. If I get her on my sofa, snuggle up and keep her feet warm, she’ll go to sleep. This is good… but if you are worried they are sleeping too long, either have a word with a pigeon or go for the soggy tennis ball again.
My two-legs should be up by now, so I’ll be back on duty shortly. She must have slept well ’cause she said I wore her out yesterday… which I take as a compliment to my nursing skills.
I hope she’s feeling better though, trying to fix a two-legs is hard work!