Notes from a small dog – How to fix your human

Well, you might have noticed the two-legs has been a bit quiet… she had to go to the vet, the one with the knives… and we four-legses know that’s never a good sign. Some of my boy dog friends can attest to that! So, she packed me off to stay with my friends for a couple of nights… and you should have seen the state of her when they finally let me come home. Not a pretty sight! And the little whimpers and moans…she sounded like a sick cat…

She says the two-legs vets do stuff like this all the time, so I’m not to worry, but it does get to you after a while. When I’m not well, she strokes my ears and lets me have the sofa. Yeah, I know I always have the sofa anyway…but when I’m poorly, she actually lets me have it.

So, I got to thinking ’bout what I could do to help her feel better, and I thought I could make a list in case any of my friends need to fix their two-legses. ‘Cause, you know, it isn’t always easy to tell with a two-legs… if they have wet noses, it usually means they are poorly. Not like us.

First, as soon as they let you near them, you need to find out where the problem is. The most efficient way of doing that is to sit or stand on them. Remember that this is for their own good. Just like they tell us when they give us the flea stuff. A well-placed paw, as long as it has your weight behind it, will make them yelp. The louder they yelp, the closer you are to the source of the problem. It is probably best to jump on that spot for a time or two, just to make sure… but if they start saying those words they are not supposed to say, you can be pretty sure you’ve found the right place.

Next, you need to make sure they stay alert. Person’lly, I find a soggy tennis ball in the face works wonders with mine. Breathing on them close up seems to work too. There must be some magic in dog-breath…she says it is better than smelling salts.

Make sure they eat. The best way is to look thin and hungry… that gets them into the kitchen every time. You just have to sit with your legs tight to your body, suck your cheeks in and do the puppy-eye thing. Works a treat…and usually for treats too. They’ll remember to eat while they are in the kitchen… but to make sure they don’t overeat, you must be prepared to help them out.

Exercise… that’s important. They need to keep their blood moving. Tennis balls are good for this too. Half an hour playing fetch should do it. Especially if you make them do the fetching. I find it useful to hide the ball under furniture, where I can’t get it…that way she gets some bending and stretching in too. On the other hand, you shouldn’t let them do too muchΒ  and if you can help them around the house, that’s always good.

Fresh air is good for them…and in winter it keeps their temperature down too. If you manage to get them to open a door, just sit in the gap so they can’t close it. Chase a few pigeons too…that gets their lungs working when they shout you to come in. The two-legs, not the pigeons.

Whatever you do, don’t panic. They are pretty good at getting better as a rule… they just need a bit of love and encouragement. If all else fails, try wandering round looking miserable. This is foolproof. They suddenly start concentrating on you instead of what the vet did to them. If you can manage the odd sigh when you look at the leash, that usually kickstarts them and you can pretty much guarantee a walk next day…which is really good for them.

But probably the most important one is cuddles… they can be as selfsuffishant stubborn as they like, but cuddles will get them to rest. If I get her on my sofa, snuggle up and keep her feet warm, she’ll go to sleep. This is good… but if you are worried they are sleeping too long, either have a word with a pigeon or go for the soggy tennis ball again.

My two-legs should be up by now, so I’ll be back on duty shortly. She must have slept well ’cause she said I wore her out yesterday… which I take as a compliment to my nursing skills.

I hope she’s feeling better though, trying to fix a two-legs is hard work!

Much love,

Ani xxx


About Sue Vincent

Sue Vincent is a Yorkshire-born writer and one of the Directors of The Silent Eye, a modern Mystery School. She writes alone and with Stuart France, exploring ancient myths, the mysterious landscape of Albion and the inner journey of the soul. Find out more at France and Vincent. She is owned by a small dog who also blogs. Follow her at and on Twitter @SCVincent. Find her books on Goodreads and follow her on Amazon worldwide to find out about new releases and offers. Email:
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107 Responses to Notes from a small dog – How to fix your human

  1. barbtaub says:

    I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been sick. And my little dog sends her sympathies to Ani. We hope you’re on the mend and feeling better soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ritu says:

    Aw Ani! You do a great job of looking after your two-legs!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. FlorenceT says:

    Well Ani, good job and hope your two-legs are feeling better and betterer! ❀


  4. Hi Ani, I hope your Two Legs is feeling better soon. πŸ™‚


  5. Adele Marie says:

    Dante and me and Becca are sending all our paw and heart love to your two legged. We know with you looking after her, she will be better soon. We sends much much love. xxxxxxxxxxx

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Cathy says:

    Wishing you better x

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Ruth says:

    Get well soon, Sue πŸ™‚


  8. jenanita01 says:

    So sorry to hear you’re under the weather, Sue. Get better soon, okay?


  9. Victo Dolore says:

    I am so sorry you had to be cut on! But I am glad you are hime and I wish you a speedy recovery. πŸ™‚


  10. scifihammy says:

    This is hilarious and exactly sums up what happens when you need to recover from the ‘vet’. πŸ˜€
    Get better soon!


  11. macjam47 says:

    Ani, I’m glad you are taking good care of your two-legs, but don’t spoil her too much.
    Hope you feel better soon, Sue.


  12. Thanks for the tips, Ani. Hope you can get her back to normal… Well, what passes for normal for these humans… Soon. Lots of licks, Lilie


  13. You’re an excellent nurse Ani. Keep up the good work and maybe more treats and walks will soon be coming your way (and you get to keep the couch. I’m not allowed at the moment, coz the couch isn’t ours). XX Maggie


  14. bobcabkings says:

    Ani, we two-leggeds really can be so stubborn about taking care of ourselves and then getting all self-pitying about it, a wise dog has to use every trick to help.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. memadtwo says:

    Keep up the good nursing Ani!


  16. I do hope you are mending well and feeling much better soon. Sending my love, xo


  17. Lyn Horner says:

    Ani, you are wonderful nurse. I’m so glad your two-legs is feeling better, no doubt thanks to you.


  18. I am so glad you have such a wonderful nurse. I hope you are mending well. 🌼🌼🌼


  19. It sounds just like home. We actually have two special tools for moving ball from under tables and other furniture. Garry has gotten VERY good at it.

    I hope you are beginning to feel better. I hate recovering from surgery. I’ve done it so often and maybe, with luck, will never need to do it again. Nothing is as reviving as that wet, slobbered tennis ball! Especially when pushed right under your nose. It’s so … DOG.

    Be well, friend. Be better than well.


    • Sue Vincent says:

      Thank you, Marilyn. Yes, the soggy ball always works… and they can always walk all over you if all else fails. And they do.

      Quite why they take such delight in hiding balls for us to find, though, is beyond me… especially when they always ‘tell’ us where they are…


  20. Colleen Chesebro says:

    Feel better, Sue. I’m glad Ani is taking good care of you. I’m sending healing energy to you, my friend. ❀


  21. fransiweinstein says:

    Sue, with such a thoughtful, caring and expert nurse how could you not do well?? Hope you are feeling better. Take care.


  22. willowdot21 says:

    Your are doing a great job Ani love from Ruby (guide dog retired) πŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œ


  23. Rae Longest says:

    Hope you are feeling fit and spunky again soon!


  24. Absolutely priceless – and I hope you’re better soon Sue


  25. Oh you are a good nurse dog Ani. I love the tip about placing your paw with all your weight behind it in several places until you hear the yelp that tells you where the pain is!!!!
    Keep giving your two-legs lots of cuddles and keep her feet warm so she can rest and get stronger. Give her my love too, and hope she gets better soon. xx


  26. Eliza Waters says:

    Glad you’re on the mend, Sue. Ani sounds a lot like an Army nurse. πŸ˜‰


  27. noelleg44 says:

    I hope you are healed soon, Sue. I love that Ani feels she has to pamper you, although her idea of pampering is quite unique!
    To Ani: good dog!


  28. ksbeth says:

    and you are the perfect nurse, ani. tell the two-legger that we all hope she feels better soon )


  29. Widdershins says:

    Sorry to hear you were down, but glad to hear you’re on the up … with a little help, of course. πŸ˜€


  30. Denis1950 says:

    What a wonderful and caring nurse you have Sue. Keep looking after her Ani, maybe a bone in bed tomorrow morning.


  31. Helen Jones says:

    Hope you’re feeling better, Sue – good thing you have Dr Ani in the house πŸ™‚


  32. Jennie says:

    Aww… Ani does a great job.


  33. dgkaye says:

    OMG Nurse Ani, you are just too cute!!!!!!!!!! ❀ xoxo


  34. Pamela Morse says:

    I am reblogging is very funny and wonderful.


  35. Pamela Morse says:

    Reblogged this on mermaidcamp and commented:
    A Dog’s View Of Human Health Care

    Liked by 1 person

  36. I trust you are feeling better? This is one of the best, funniest poems I have ever read. Of course, it’s even better when you have dogs! Love the pictures.


  37. You must have had an operation, Sue. I hope you are recovering well. Ani is very cute as always.

    Liked by 1 person

  38. Great advice, Ani. Please send our hugs to your two-legs. You can keep one yourself if you like. She’ll never know (unless our two-legs tell her). 🐢
    Lots of waggly tails,
    Toby and Austin

    Liked by 1 person

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