I’d been gardening all day and had nipped into town on the way back from a trip to the garden centre to pick up a few things, calling at one of the more up-market stores to look for a brooch to wear with an evening gown; I was hosting a dinner for the Countess who was patroness of the organisation for which I was working. I wasn’t buying, just seeing what they had before making a decision. The store’s security person followed me every inch of the way. And the supercilious sales assistant did no more than watch from a distance with an eagle eye. It didn’t bother me… I had been playing in the dirt all day and was not a pretty sight. I couldn’t blame them… I was not their usual calibre of client!
I found exactly what I needed but thought I would shop around. No luck though, as I searched for the next few days. So, after a business breakfast in the town one morning and dressed as usual in tailored suit and heels, nicely coiffed and duly painted as required in my official capacity, I called in at the store to buy it. There was, of course, no sign of security and the supercilious saleswoman attended to me with a saccharine smile.
And it made my blood boil.
I had not cared that they were understandably careful as I browsed in my scruffy and distinctly grubby gardening jeans; but the change in attitude was palpable in my work clothes… suddenly I was a valued customer and it was borne in upon me just how much we are unconsciously trained to judge by, and react to appearances.
I did have to chuckle, though; the scruff in the gardening clothes is far closer to the real me than the corporate creature in the suit. That was a few years ago now. A couple of years later I was in London at a spiritual workshop. The beggar on the street looked hungry and I put a few coins in his hand. Of course my colleagues may have been right… I may have been fuelling a drink or drug habit. “You shouldn’t give to beggars.” “I never do.” Such were the comments. I said nothing, we each have to go with our hearts and gut feeling on that one… but I was thinking only of the old saying… ‘there but for the grace of God go I’.
I’ve been there; it isn’t nice. Not for long, but long enough. A night on the streets and homeless would have been long enough. Picking up the leftovers from the floor when the market has gone soon reduces you to one of those invisible people on our streets. You become invisible even to yourself. Only need has a presence. And shame.
Over the past couple of days several articles have been brought to my attention. One was a study looking at the effects of poverty on cognitive function… even the relative poverty of the type that affects so many, where each day is a struggle to make ends meet and the standard of living falls significantly below the accepted norm of a society. In the UK alone at present 3.5 million children are classed as living in poverty… and that means the rest of their families are too. . The study makes interesting reading and shifts the focus from blaming the poor for an inability to escape poverty to explaining why it might be so. If their hypotheses are correct it is easy to see how the cycle is perpetuated.
Another thing that struck me was the video a friend posted of an experiment with a homeless gentleman. That too is worth watching and it is what made me think back to the saleswoman and her unctuous smile.
I wonder what she would make of the Countess. She lives close to my village and I see her often in the village shop, a tiny little old lady dressed in the faded clothes reserved for gardening, a headscarf tied over wispy white hair and a pocket full of the buttons she collects for the charity shops. The lens through which we see and judge our world is not always as clear as we might like to think.
Sue Vincent's Daily Echo 
Intriguing Video, I would have helped them both or him either way as it were. I wonder why the people were more willing to help the suit version? He was nice and personable either way, funny how the poor version was looked down on. It makes a statement that’s for sure!
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It does, Joe. And another that the bearded homeless guy was willing to help the ‘businessman’ too.
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I believe the bearded homeless guy would have helped either of them… He had a heart of gold! It’s a shame that the homeless guy would help the business guy and most business guys would just ignore or be rude to the homeless guy. I think maybe it was a gift to the homeless guy to be asked by the business guy. Maybe it humanized both of them! It did in a way in my book… I bet the homeless guy felt good helping another human being and seeing that even those that have sometimes don’t have…. Maybe Jesus does walk among us 🙂 as the saying goes
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That’s a good point, Joe, that it helped both of them and I think it does work just that way. Thank you.
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I reblogged your post with a note, thank you Sue, you are awesome!
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Thank you for that, Joe.
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You are welcome thank you 🙂
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Reblogged this on Iamforchange's Blog and commented:
I was quite taken with sentiment of this post and must say the video at the end say’s so much about our world. I want to say thank you to Sue, and all of you for being you and making a difference in our world. We all need to keep being the compassionate human beings we are as we are changing our world and making it a better place for all we share it with… I carry a few extra quarters every where I go dollars when I have them how about you… Got a quarter to help a man get a cup of coffee or a bottle of water. It’s only pocket change yet it can help change our world and certainly the quality of a fellow human beings life! Namaste!
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Becoming a naturist (nudist) opened my eyes to the status associated with clothing. When it is willingly stripped away personalities meet personalities…no suits or skirts, no stockings or ties…just people meeting people. That is one thing that fascinates me about the lifestyle.
We have a large homeless population here in Florida and we just recently has a teacher pledge to go homeless for a month to draw attention to the crisis. A video was made in support of the “Random Acts Of Kindness campaign.” It is an effort to bring awareness and encourage people to see street people as humans with needs and not scourge. You might want to take a look at the video. It’s called Cardboard Stories.:
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Naturism has that advantage, I believe. It is the principle behind religious robes, and uniforms too… though that doesn’t work where there is choice of quality or newness and can, in fact , be counterproductive.
Thank you for both the reblog and the video, which highlights graphically how much we judge and misjudge on surfaces alone.
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Reblogged this on S.K. Nicholls and commented:
Sue always has such a way with words. She shares her experience with being seen as less than. I urge you to read, view the video and see the Cardboard Stories in the comments.
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Very interesting. It is amazing how much people are judged by their appearance.
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…and of course, we are always judging, unconsciously for the most part, on auto-pilot.
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I really liked that. I get hit up a lot since I live in an urban environment or at least hang out in one before work. Yesterday, I was in a car and I pulled up to a light and the gentleman started talking to be about the light up the street from where we were and he said that there he managed to get about $7 from two men, one a five and the other two dollars. I reached into my wallet and gave him a $10 bill. After viewing the film, I realized such an event was an opportunity.
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I remember reading something as a teenager that eally struck me… it was about beggars in India and the writer mentioned the service they provided, allowing others to show kindness and learn how that feels… and in doing so find an opportunity for growth within themselves.
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Excellent post, Sue – and I quite agree. xxx
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xxx
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Beautifully shared. Bless your heart for this heartfelt piece. Love it!
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Thank you, Gina.
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Excellent post, Sue!! Very effective and life-changing!
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Thank you, Ellen.
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