Lord of the flies? A tale of the unexplained…

fly (1)

Technology has been letting me down left, right and centre… losing work to crashing computers, locked out of various sites for no reason I can find…phone running slower than a little old lady in traffic and the back-up laptop refusing to cooperate. Everything is taking far longer than it should and I am finding it increasingly frustrating. So a deep breath is in order before I roll my sleeves up and sort things out.

So, I’m off on my travels… northwards for the monthly meeting and a short break over the weekend. I know it hasn’t been long since I was last there, with the workshop and all, but since coming back the days have blended one into another. Most days I don’t even know what day it is any more and the nights are both short and wakeful or short and I’m sleeping like a dead thing. Which might explain it, I suppose…

Now, before I go, I like to make sure things are organised. You know, housewifely stuff. So … I wake to a room full of flies. Not the small ones either… but the great big bluebottles that lumber round, just too quickly to do anything about them.

Nor are we looking at the odd, illegal immigrant that takes up temporary residence and who, after a day or two, learns to answer to the name of Fuckov. I’m not even talking two or three either. That, you might consider normal as the temperature rises.

IMGP1286

No, we are talking twenty or so of the big buggers, all crawling across my net curtains, with more on every window of the house, except, for some strange reason, the living room.

And it happens every year.

The first time, I panicked. The house, being full of teenagers at that point, was a minefield of possibility, with who knows what lurking under beds and in those nether regions where odd socks go to die. Armed with a black bag, a supply od valium and full haz-chem gear, I tackled the boys’ bedrooms, like it or not.

Nothing. Well, no, that’s not strictly true… there were plenty of things. Many I don’t even want to think about. But nothing that justified a plague of biblical proportions. It had to be the attic. A dead bird maybe? It would have to be the size of a flamingo for all those flies, but… Tying back my hair to keep the spiders out, I climbed the ladder.

No, nothing there either. The chimney was still in use, so there was no way anything could be dead in there… and the guttering was cleared. It was a mystery. They had to be coming from somewhere.

Of course, I like open windows… maybe they were just coming in? I cleared them all out and closed the windows and doors. No sign… mystery solved…

Except, next morning, they were back.

fly (2)

I had a week of that. I cleaned and cleared every nook and cranny… and found no trace of their origins. To be fair, for that quantity, you’d need more than a mouldy burger forgotten under a teenage bed… you’d need a whole corpse. And every year since then, there has been a short, unpleasant period of battling with flies, ushering them out the window to go and fulfil their purpose as Nature’s disposal team.

And when do they show up this year? Yep.. just as I am going to be away… Typical!

fly (1)1

About Sue Vincent

Sue Vincent is a Yorkshire-born writer and one of the Directors of The Silent Eye, a modern Mystery School. She writes alone and with Stuart France, exploring ancient myths, the mysterious landscape of Albion and the inner journey of the soul. Find out more at France and Vincent. She is owned by a small dog who also blogs. Follow her at scvincent.com and on Twitter @SCVincent. Find her books on Goodreads and follow her on Amazon worldwide to find out about new releases and offers. Email: findme@scvincent.com.
This entry was posted in Humour, Life, Photography and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to Lord of the flies? A tale of the unexplained…

  1. Éilis Niamh says:

    Oh, I agree, that’s really strange. Maybe they’ll disappear before you get back? 🙂

    Like

  2. davidprosser says:

    Sounds like you have one of the seven plagues of Egypt there. I wonder if they’re hatching somewhere , though that seems unlikely if they’re coming out full grown.Maybe you need to invest in one of those blue light bug zapper things. Before you leave, ask them to pack their bags and go.
    xxx Huge Hugs xxx

    Like

  3. They lay eggs in the crevices of the window frame, Sue. Learned this from an expert pest chappie

    Like

  4. TanGental says:

    Cluster flies! We have them in our place in Suffolk. I’m always attacking the main bedroom as that Is where they appear. Since the windows are sash I imagine they breed in e frames.

    Like

  5. jenanita01 says:

    Very mysterious, and dare I say the word, ominous. Has to be a reason, there always is, just finding it is the thing. I wish you luck!

    Like

  6. We have the same problem at our house in South Wales, but fortunately it only occurs in the bathroom. No idea where they come from and I’ve sprayed everything with fly killer, but still they come. However, it usually only seems to happen when Spring arrives with the first sign of some warm sunshine. The sun shines directly into the bathroom and I’m thinking that has something to do with the eggs hatching. Yuk!

    Like

  7. Dale says:

    Oh, I’m really sorry but this is hilarious! (Well the writing of, if not the subject!)
    That is indeed a menace. That said, look at the bright side, it only happens once per year and does not last all year long…

    Like

  8. This is a real problem but your writing has made it an enjoyable read…

    Like

  9. It’s big black ant season hear. At least they don’t fly, but man, they are FAST.

    Like

  10. here. I do KNOW the difference. My fingers apparently do not.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Maybe if you call in pest control once, they can tell you the source and you’ll know next time how to control the menace on your own. It sounds a bit complicated.

    Like

  12. Ali Isaac says:

    Unfortunately, with a farm behind us which has the HUGEST pile of cow dung in the yard… permenantly! … and with cattle in every field around us, we are plagued with flies all summer long. I have to say that nowadays, if they venture into my domain, they face the risk of getting whats coming to them. All she-creatures defend their lairs from intruders. I am no different. This year however, I’m going to try natural herbal deterrents at doors and windows. Its worth a try; nothing else has worked.

    Like

  13. noelleg44 says:

    Mmmm, a mystery, for sure. I think Ali might be on the right trail – something outside. Is there a neighbor who fertilizes every year about the same time – maybe with horse poo?
    We have big black ants!

    Like

  14. Eliza Waters says:

    Just the *thought *of where they’ve been makes me cringe! Maybe there are farms and manure close by? They are obviously hibernating in your house, just like the ladybugs do in ours. Even with air sealing our attic and basement with foam, they are still coming in. I wish you good luck!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.