An earful of toothpaste.

I’ve stuffed my ear with toothpaste.
I gave up on other stuff,
But a mozzie in the earhole
Is the outside of enough.

I thought the things had finished,
Buggered off to hibernate,
But this voracious blighter
Seems as if it’s running late.

I heard the whine… ignored it…
Because, if you remember
Summer’s well and truly over
And we’re almost in December.

I’d thought myself quite safe now…
Be a while before they’re back…
But no, the damn thing got me
With an aerial attack.

My ear, of course, as happens,
When the mozzie comes to tea,
Immediately blossomed
Like a scarlet peony.

The antihistamines don’t work…
Not pills, nor putting cream on,
It just swells up all virulent
And it itches like a demon.

The toothpaste is a last resort,
Not pretty, but effective,
Though as an ear adornment
Spearmint seems a tad defective.

Mosquito bites in winter
…Or at any time of year…
Are bad enough, but honestly
…Right in the bloody ear!

I had revenge, I have to say,
And no, I didn’t swat it.
It flew across the small dog’s view
So she just snapped and got it.

And so in spearmint misery
I’ll just sit here and itch,
And write the mozzie’s epitaph,
Put simply, “Death’s a bitch.”

Ani winks

About Sue Vincent

Sue Vincent is a Yorkshire-born writer and one of the Directors of The Silent Eye, a modern Mystery School. She writes alone and with Stuart France, exploring ancient myths, the mysterious landscape of Albion and the inner journey of the soul. Find out more at France and Vincent. She is owned by a small dog who also blogs. Follow her at and on Twitter @SCVincent. Find her books on Goodreads and follow her on Amazon worldwide to find out about new releases and offers. Email:
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25 Responses to An earful of toothpaste.

  1. Ali Isaac says:

    Wonderful, just wonderful and so funny!


    • Sue Vincent says:

      One can see it isn’t your ear, Ali 😉


      • Éilis Niamh says:

        Ah but Sue I was also just about to comment and say this was funny! So I decided to add that thought to the similar conversation already in occurrence, instead. Very well written and lovely, and brought on a smile. Seriously, as I’ll be a year older in two days time and am not totally happy about it, I needed a good reason to smile. So, sorry you are feeling so miserable from the bite, (no fun!, and why do they have to have such an irritating sound on top of it all?) and here’s to Ani for getting rid of the bloody thing (meant literally.) Wish my dog would do that! 🙂


  2. That was funny. Hate mosquitoes, but never been bit in the ear. Worst was the tip of the nose for me. I had to laugh at the title too because my son once tried to be silly by brushing everything, but his teeth with his toothbrush. Got the nose, ears, forehead, chin, and hair.


  3. Fortunately, in our dry climate, mosquitos are moderate, and with our diet high in green chiles, garlic and other spices, the mosquitos we have generally leave us alone. Then there are visitors — friends who either eat bland foods or maybe they are seen as new blood by the buzzing little vampires — they are mosquito magnets. So all the sprays and mosquito bombs must be deployed when we have visitors.


    • Sue Vincent says:

      I get the little blighters even in Englad these days… never eally used to though central France was an interesting experience. Lemons lined up on window ledges, mosquito lozenges burning constantly… did they help? No. At least this is a little rarer!


  4. Very funny! But not the bite…good going, Ani. Saved your mistress from another bite.


  5. That was hilarious! Toothpaste was always my Grandma’s remedy for everything that ails ya! 🙂


  6. So funny…not for you though! Bit of tea tree and/or lavender will see you right 🙂


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