Today there will be a two minute silence, an act of Remembrance. How many will hear it?
“‘Sound!’
‘Quite. Do you realise that the word silent and the word listen are comprised of the same set of letters arranged in a different order?’
‘And what can be gained from listening to the silence I wonder?’
‘Well, nothing actually because you can’t listen to silence you have to listen in silence. Try it!’”
Heart of Albion: Tales from the Wondrous Head
Outside the world sleeps, birds are silent, there is no noise from the road in the pre-dawn darkness. I have to get up. It was the silence that woke me. It often does.
The kettle is on, filling the kitchen with prophetic, protective noise. The fridge hums and the computer whirrs. The dog whimpers and chases birds in her dreams, snoring occasionally. I am grateful. It is, for me, a blessing to have the white noise of life around me. It is closer to silence than the cessation of noise.
Don’t misunderstand… I love peace and quiet. I adore the stillness of nature broken only by the rustle of leaves and grasses. I crave silence. But silence is beyond me.
I cannot remember what it sounds like.
With millions of others, I suffer from tinnitus. And I choose the verb advisedly.
Most people are aware of tinnitus, a ringing in the ears. It is estimated that one in ten people will suffer from it. It can be a buzz, a chirping, whistle or whine… low or high pitched… one ear or both, constant or intermittent… though the latter may have more to do with how we cope with it. In most cases there seems no physical problem that can be addressed by doctors, though it can be a symptom of more serious conditions and should be checked.
Frequently it is a result of constant or excessive loud noise, or of neurological damage…often caused by violence in one form or another. The latter is probably the cause in my own case and it was one of the first bits of information Nick managed to convey after the stabbing…long before he could speak or even use the alphabet board… that his sight was affected and his hearing was masked by this new sound. Many soldiers or people in war zones who have been exposed to bombardment suffer from it… and that is what made me write today. It is a small, but very insistent part of the invisible damage of conflict.
Perhaps it sounds really minor, and most tinnitus sufferers don’t talk about it… they will, in fact, avoid anything that brings it to their attention. Sometimes that is not possible.
In the normal scheme of things tinnitus is seen as a minor annoyance rather than a serious health problem and is generally dismissed with a shrug of the shoulders. But just think about it for a moment… unless you are a sufferer yourself… in which case I apologise for bringing your attention back to the noise. Wiki lists the methods of torture… I checked… and includes the use of sound, saying:
“Sound (extremely high volumes, dynamic range, low frequency, high pitched noise, intended to interfere with rest, cognition and concentration).”
Yep… tinnitus does just that. It is an inescapable, constant, permanent application of sound at, in my case, high pitched levels. Want to know what it sounds like.. for me at least? Those of a certain age may remember the single note broadcast after the BBC test card when it was still black and white… a single, continuous note without breaks…. If you don’t remember that, click here for a video of a more recent version… it takes seconds…wait until the ‘L’ flashes top left of the screen with a longer note…that one. But it doesn’t change or stop. Ever.
“Tinnitus can be extremely debilitating, affecting a person’s ability to work or cope with normal life activities. People with tinnitus may suffer from:
Extreme distress (this is common)
Depression
Frequent mood swings, depression or anxiety attacks
Tension, irritability or frustration
Poor concentration
Sleep problems.
Thoughts of suicide are common when a person is in the early stages of tinnitus.”
It also makes you feel sick. I have that ‘test card’ note and another, slightly lower pitched note. They do not make for harmony.
My son has mastered the art of associating the cessation of noise, lights out and tinnitus with the relaxation that precedes sleep. I envy him. Myself, I find I do not allow the mind to rest except in sleep… even meditation, for me, must be ‘active’ rather than a passive clearing. For the time my attention has been focused on the condition while I write this, the sound has taken precedence, dragged to the surface of consciousness by attention and leaving me feeling nauseous.
Yet tinnitus is a minor problem compared to many of the scars, visible and invisible, left by conflict upon those whose lives are ravaged by it. It is a common one and one very many people can relate to, which is why I have chosen to highlight it here.
If you keep the silence of Remembrance today, think about the invisible damage, the hidden scars as well as the visible… the grief of loss, the horror, the fears… the nightmares, PTSD, shattered faith and confidence… and so many other scars that are not seen or are effectively masked from view beneath the veneer of everyday life.
For me, for my son, for millions of others, silence simply does not exist. It is a memory we can no longer recall.
For millions worldwide, so is peace.
Sue Vincent's Daily Echo 
Incredibly moving, Sue, and a timely reminder of the hidden shards in many broken people. Society DOES tend to dismiss that which it cannot see. ‘You LOOK all right!’ seems to be as far as many people are prepared to go. Thank you for highlighting this – and the ‘listen’ ‘silent’ non-identical twins!
xxxx
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It does… and like icebergs what is visible on our surfaces may be but a fraction of what we are beneath. xxx
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I am old enough to remember but tuned in to the link as a reminder and it sounded terrible. I’m so sorry you have to live with that, and with the memory of what caused it. xxx
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You learn to ignore it most of the time. But to be ‘robbed of silence’ as William Shatner put it, is sad. Thank you for taking the time to click through and listen. Oddly, that means a lot.
xxx
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Dear Sue, needless to say, this is a very touching post…. I do feel for you…
I hope you don;’t think it presumptuous saying what I’m about to.
It could help to take magnesium. Magnesium is often deficient in our diet and it serves over three hundred different functions in the body. However, taking it orally often doesn’t work, as it goes straight through before the body absorbs it.
If you could get from a health food shop a bottle of magnesium oil, and you measured out twenty sprays into the palm of your hand and rubbed it into your arms, legs wherever you want , three times a day, you could find it helped the problem. This is three times as much as I use for my problems, but U get that this is what you need. ( And I may be wrong)
The oil transports the magnesium into the body, and the body then takes it to wherever it’s needed.
I use it for restless legs, a but my digestion has improved since taking it, and various other conditions.
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Thank you for the thoughtful and helpful reply. The post was more an illustration of a very common yet invisible damage rather than a personal moan… but I am aware of the ongoing studies linking magnesium deficiency with tinnitus.
I am happy to up the intake of a mineral we frequently under ingest, though as the damage is trauma-based I’m not too hopeful.
Still.. won’t know unless I try, will I? 🙂
Thank you.
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Sue
your reply was a real gift to me, as it validated what I I had felt. I’m not a professional, so was unaware of the studies showing links between tinnitis and magnesium.
So your telling me this has validated my methods of divination !
I’m sure you’ve tackled the trauma, but the body is always the last to heal, so maybe this would help..do .hope so…
best wishes
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Again, thank you… by ‘trauma’ I meant merely physical injury which has affected the spine..and thus the nerves.I’m not sure a lot can be done with that in itself, but I’m happy to try 🙂
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Thank you, Sue, for sharing about tinnitus; it has helped me to understand what it must be like for one of my loved ones. It’s always a good thing to learn how to be more compassionate to the suffering of others.
Blessings ~ Wendy
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It is a much misunderstood thing.. simply because it is so common and seen as a minor annoyance rather than a threat to health… and in the grand scheme that is true, of course. Like most things, it can feel different from the inside of a problem.
Thank you, Wendy.
Sue x
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Long ago, I tricked my mind into accepting that the constant ringing I hear because of tinnitus is actually crickets chirping. That’s a much more pleasant thought and, occasionally, I buy into that deception.
I hadn’t thought about “silent” and Listen” having the same letters. Clever. You do need to be silent to listen attentively to others. A thoughtful post to consider the invisible – and the visible – scars on Remembrance Day, Sue.
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It sounds like you have a far better way of dealing with it than me, Judy 🙂
The credit for that particular piece goes to Stuart, my partner in literary lunacy… he notices these things 🙂
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Hats off to Stuart as well! About the ringing, for some the noise is intolerable. I heard that was true of William Shatner. So I’m grateful that I’m easily duped (by me). 🙂
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I just try to refuse to pay it any attention. Soon as I think about it, it gets really intrusive.
Stuart is a heck of a writer and a joy to work with… but don’t tell him I said so 😉
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Reblogged this on ram0ram note book.
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Reblogged this on The Linden Chronicles: The Wolf's Moon/The River and commented:
Interesting information a hearing condition called tinnitus from Sue Vincent
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I missed this post Sue. I’m aware of the condition and you’re right, I don’t think we can truly imagine. I remember this summer where we were staying the place had metallic walls and that meant a lot of noises would vibrate and be amplified and just a simple clock ticking would get on my nerves.
It’s very interesting to know that such different methods can work (or not).
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It’s one of those conditions where you are pretty much prepared to give anything a try. Relaxation, meditation and CBT seem to have the most effect overall, but they are really only helping people cope, not addressing the problem which is a constant for so many.
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One of the hidden disabilities that people live with. It makes me sad that people have to endure this. Keenly expressed, Sue.
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Thank you, Cynthia. There are far worse things, but it isn’t pleasant.
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An informative and moving post, Sue. Thanks for sharing… Thoughts and prayers for many.
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Thank you, Bette. It is such a common thing and seldom understood. It affects around 10% of the population on a persistent level, and severely impacts on the lives of many of them
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Gosh Sue, that’s awful. I’m sorry to hear you cannot hear complete silence, something many of us would take for granted. Thanks for sharing the awareness. And Happy New Year again. 🙂
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It is the one thing I really miss, Debby.
Now… New Year starts here … have a good one 🙂
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You too! 🙂
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🙂
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