All change

It doesn’t feel right yet, switching off the alarm clock before I go to bed, but I could get used to it easily enough. The alarms didn’t go off, because I hadn’t asked them to and the novelty of not being dragged from my bed by their screeching is one I appreciate. For the past seven years, it is that ear-assaulting noise that has started my day, seven days a week, apart from my time in the north and the occasional research trip. Today, however, my services are not required.

The past few weeks have been busy ones. While both I and my younger son have been moving and getting settled into our respective new homes, my eldest son has been clearing and decluttering his home prior to leaving it. Nick has mentioned his plans to see something of the world and is busily making his preparations. We’ve worked long hours every day in house and garden, creating space for the decorators to get in and prospective buyers to appreciate his home. It is all about making changes at present.

The long hair has gone, along with a mountain of possessions he no longer feels he needs and the lingering shadows of the past are being banished, one by one. The confidence is back and the smile seldom leaves his face as he speaks of the trip to Sicily they are taking in autumn and the African adventure they have planned. And that ‘they’ is the biggest change of all… and the one responsible for Nick’s smiles. Nick and Em will be travelling together…and not just around the world.

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I’ve watched my son fight his way back from hell over the past few years. I’ve seen his determined refusal to accept anything less than full recovery as an option. I’ve seen too his gradual realisation that happiness does not depend upon erasing the effects of the past, but in accepting them as part of the journey to now… a now in which he has found both himself and his joy.

I’ll miss him. We share a lot every day. We’ve had our moments of grief, frustration and anger, but because we survived them and the extraordinary circumstances of the past seven years, we have been brought closer than most. That is a true gift, especially after coming so very close to losing him completely. We’ve shared joy too, and moments of triumph, from the first, tentative movement of a thumb to the awesomeness of the triathlon. Every so often, I choke back tears, realising the extent of the changes to come, but the tears spring from a joy that smiles to see him so happy and full of hope as he moves towards a new phase of his life with a beautiful blonde holding his hand and his heart.

You can never know what the future holds, you can only accept the gifts of the moment and move forward in trust, knowing that whatever happens has value and purpose. And in hope… a star that can shine for any one of us and guide us through the dark places to a brighter horizon.

Today, the sun is shining and my services are not required. Soon I will no longer be my son’s carer, but just his Mum again, something I hoped for but, for a long time, never thought to see. Soon, I will be waving Nick and Em off on their adventures and eagerly awaiting their virtual postcards. Soon I will be looking for a new job and a new direction for myself…and if the universe doesn’t mind, North sounds good…

About Sue Vincent

Sue Vincent is a Yorkshire-born writer and one of the Directors of The Silent Eye, a modern Mystery School. She has written a number of books, both alone and with Stuart France, exploring ancient myths, the mysterious landscape of Albion and the inner journey of the soul. She is owned by a small dog who also blogs. Follow her at scvincent.com and on Twitter @SCVincent Find her books on Goodreads and follow her on Amazon worldwide to find out about new releases and offers. Email: findme@scvincent.com
This entry was posted in Life, Love, Nick Verron, transformation, travel and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

97 Responses to All change

  1. I wish you all well

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  2. Mary Smith says:

    Oh, Sue what a wonderful post to read this morning. I knew Nick was planning to travel but not that it would be quite soon. Fantastic to hear about Em. Oh, I feel quite emotional and weepy.
    And I’m sure the universe won’t mind you moving north!

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  3. Diana Young says:

    Ahhhh! Wonderful!

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  4. Ritu says:

    Aw Sue!!! I’m so happy Nick is doing what he wanted…and for you to be mum again, rather than carer, as you said. I know you’ll miss him, but he has his wonderful adventure to live, and you can start a new one too!!!! 😚

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  5. Judy Martin says:

    Oh what wonderful news. I am so pleased that Nick is going off to live his dream, and even more so that he has a lovely young later to share his adventures with.
    It must be an emotional time for you now Sue, on so many levels, but you and Nick have got a closeness that not many are lucky enough to share, despite the tragic circumstances that brought you even closer.
    I wish Nick and Em well on their travels and hope to hear how they are doing, and I wish you well too as you start on your new journey xxx

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  6. Oh, what a wonderful post to read on a morning where so many unknowns face our family.. Wishing Nick and Em the joys of the whole world. And, Sue, what a wonderful phrase: “…accept the gifts of the moment and move forward in trust, knowing that whatever happens has value and purpose.” I’ll try to remember that. And good luck with your own new life.Jx

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  7. merrildsmith says:

    Wishing you and your family the best of luck!

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  8. willowdot21 says:

    Wonderful just so inspiring!

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  9. What a beautiful post from a wise and compassionate mother. I wish you and your son all the best on your journeys.

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  10. Life picks us up, shakes us gently, and says “Time for change!” Revel in the certainty of uncertainty. Sniff the wind and follow it; the big adventure continues. β™₯

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  11. Helen Jones says:

    The arrow flies once more, Sue. How very wonderful – I’m so pleased for you, and for Nick πŸ™‚

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  12. I can only imagine the conflicting emotions of pride, concern, love all churning around. But it’s all good and it is hard to imagine a better outcome for everyone concerned. Congratulations. To new relationships, and moving forward into an unknown … but great … future!

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  13. Darcy says:

    I had to de-blur my eyes halfway through so I could read the rest. ❀️ Go Nick!!!!!

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  14. Running Elk says:

    Too excited on Nick’s behalf to be normal… He’d better be posting pics of his travels!! πŸ˜€ xx

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  15. Widdershins says:

    So, that’s why we haven’t heard anything from the lad of late!!! Heh, heh, heh … πŸ˜€ … What wonderful news, for them and for you.

    I wish you all the Northiness your heart could desire! πŸ™‚

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  16. Sue I wish both you and Nick along with Em all the best in the world.. God only knows how much you all deserve it.. Love and the very best of well wishes to you all
    Love Sue

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  17. Shadeau says:

    Oh my, Sue–this got me choking on sobs.

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  18. jenanita01 says:

    So glad to hear that Nick’s new adventure is about to begin. I know he will be taking a lot more than good wishes with him, he is a perfect example for the rest of us!

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  19. What wonderful adventures await you both, Sue. So lovely to see both Nick and you about to take such a big step in both your lives. Sorry to hear about the sobs, but I trust they are of happiness after all that has happened. A new chapter is about to begin.
    Love to you both.
    xx

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  20. Happy for you and him! Like Hugh says a new chapter begins! Yay!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  21. dgkaye says:

    A beautiful quote Sue. And so happy for Nick moving on with his plans to spread his words. I know it will hurt when your baby bird first leaves the nest, but the universe will open up new beginnings for both of you. Enjoy your new job. ❀

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  22. Dalo 2013 says:

    This is so cool ~ and the feeling Nick has I can remember from my days of prepping for travel that ended up defining much of my soul. And it excites me to see one from a younger generation taking the same path ~ even more so, when understanding the path he has had to take the past few years and with you Sue also making it all possible for him. Amazing and for you, for while you will be missing him, a new world will open up. Cheers to a great week ahead.

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  23. Such great news, and always amazing to see his progress. You must be a bit sad, but incredibly proud. Wishing you nothing but wonderful new adventures for yourself, Sue. πŸ’˜

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  24. Eliza Waters says:

    Not just a new chapter, a whole new novel!! πŸ™‚
    Dreams beyond dreams coming true. So happy for Nick. Hang in there, Mum. ❀

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  25. Diane Taylor says:

    Sue, a beautiful post about transition but one, I understand, you are ready for. Waiting for postcards – so symbolic of your son’s leap into his own adventure/future.

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  26. I’ve said it before and I have no problem saying it again…What A Star and a true roll model Nick is. His journey thus far has been beyond amazing and he is now embarking on the second chapter, (third?). I truly wish him all the best that life and love can offer him and wish him a wonderful and joy filled adventure.

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  27. Such a wonderful post, Sue. Very inspiring! πŸ™‚

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  28. Tina Frisco says:

    Such a stirring post, Sue. Learning to live in the moment is an ongoing challenge. My best wishes to you and all the family. Hugs . . .

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  29. Reblogged this on Musings on Life & Experience and commented:
    Sue’s update on things.

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Wow, Sue. I’m all choked up. What a journey for both of you. And the future looks so amazingly vast and bright. I’m so happy for Nick. Life is indeed strange and beautiful when we put our hearts and minds into it, which he has done, is doing, with flying colors. Enjoy your own journey north. πŸ™‚ The image is perfection.

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  31. kirizar says:

    I loved the image you selected to accompany the sentiments–especially the phrase “the beginning is near.” Congratulations on getting here.

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  32. greercn says:

    Oh Sue! I am so very moved by your writing and honesty. And I’ve been reading Nick’s blog and seeing his perspective on the same events. Your writing is very moving and I am grateful that I discovered your blog, thanks to you “liking” a movie review of mine. You are amazing.

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    • Sue Vincent says:

      Thank you. You mentioned Asterix, an old favourite in both English and French (though the French is always a sharper wit), so I was almost obliged to read your review πŸ™‚

      Nick’s story is as dramatc as any you might review in a film though…

      Liked by 1 person

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