Morning misanthropy…

“Oooh, you look well!” She beams you a chirpy smile across the yard, halting you in your progress with the heavy load of rubbish for the bin. You force the pained grimace into more acceptable lines, unwilling to scare the nice old lady.

Why is it that you only ever hear those words when your hair is wild, you wear no make-up, you’ve had no more than three hours sleep and have just fallen down the stairs? When you have cursed the alarm clock that makes you crawl back upstairs to turn off its insistent clamour two hours after you reluctantly rose to start a day you could wish you had missed. When the bathroom scales say there are several alien pounds of flesh you were not, until this moment, acquainted with…and which have no call to have invoked squatting rights on your hips when the budgie eats more than you do. When, in fact, you feel that roadkill is probably more attractive and certainly has more life in it than you…

“It’s probably the extra weight…” says your boss, who is also your son and can, therefore, afford to level such insults offer such consolation with impunity.

The little, white haired old lady who wouldn’t harm a fly is innocently putting you through a meat grinder as she squints short-sightedly at your face with all the intensity of a mosquito zeroing in on its supper.

“Have you been on holiday?” Visions of warm, white sand and the tang of Mediterranean salt are dredged from memory… No, that’s not a sun tan… that’s weathering from walking an all-too-energetic hound at stupid o’clock in all weathers. You listen with polite envy… even if a package holiday to a crowded resort-with-organised-activities-and-line-dancing is your idea of hell.

“Never mind,” says the evil and filial genius, “you’ll get a day off next week…” he omits the required 4am start the day before that means you’ll be a zombie through the day off….

“Have you hurt yourself?” she asks solicitously, looking at the splinted appendages. You mumble something incoherent while she recounts the horror story of her brother’s hip replacements and a friend’s amputation…

“Cheer up,” grins the boss. “It could be worse….”

When we’re out of coffee? I don’t think so….

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About Sue Vincent

Sue Vincent is a Yorkshire-born writer and one of the Directors of The Silent Eye, a modern Mystery School. She writes alone and with Stuart France, exploring ancient myths, the mysterious landscape of Albion and the inner journey of the soul. Find out more at France and Vincent. She is owned by a small dog who also blogs. Follow her at scvincent.com and on Twitter @SCVincent. Find her books on Goodreads and follow her on Amazon worldwide to find out about new releases and offers. Email: findme@scvincent.com.
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41 Responses to Morning misanthropy…

  1. Empathise with everything you say, Sue. I always have the suspicion that people can see those extra pounds I’ve put on when they say I look well and are gleeful because they’ve lost a ton of flab. Last week i went for my asthma check-up and found I’d lost an inch in height and gained a stone in weight since the last went (and that’s only in the last year) Carry on like this and I’ll be a splodge on the floor eventually!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Sue, you’re so funny!!

    Like

  3. Oh what a horrid start to the day Sue, I have brothers that like to point out unwanted weight gain (men do not get it that we are well aware when we put even an ounce on, and do not need to have it pointed out)! Hope the day gets better for you 🙂

    Like

  4. Mary Smith says:

    I hope your day improved.

    Like

  5. Running Elk says:

    MORNING!!! 😀

    Like

  6. jenanita01 says:

    Just love the way you take everything (and I do mean everything) in your stride, Sue…

    Like

  7. stevetanham says:

    Reblogged this on stevetanham and commented:
    More from the ‘twins’ . . .

    Like

  8. Francesca Smith says:

    From experience, many bring out the misanthrope within, to then question why one gives them the death stare. Very well written!

    Like

  9. Ali Isaac says:

    Oh dear! 😢 Hope things improve, and quick! Hope you are recovering from your fall. Xxx

    Like

  10. El Rolyat says:

    Sorry Sue, but I laughed at this (mostly because I can relate!).

    Like

  11. fransiweinstein says:

    Ouch. Hope tomorrow’s a mych better day.

    Like

  12. A while ago, everyone was telling me how well I looked. Now they’ve stopped – I must REALLY look rough!

    Like

  13. Oh boy, oh boy! As for the ‘boss’, let me deal with him!

    Like

  14. hahahahahahahahaha!!!

    Though I hope your day gets better, it made for some hilarious reading 😉

    Like

  15. Eliza Waters says:

    Why are Mondays always so trying? 😉

    Like

  16. noelleg44 says:

    And I thought I had had a bad start to my day! Look on the bright side – maybe she DOES see you as looking well. Use her imagination, and feel better! Great chuckle here, Sue!

    Like

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