Tears for a fish

Posted on July 31, 2015 by Sue Vincent

I arrived with my arms full of shopping early this morning, so for once I didn’t stop to feed the fish before going in to make tea for my son. I did, however, glance over at the infirmary tank. Round Fish was in his usual place and with his usual posture in the corner of the tank. But even from here, through the opacity of the plastic and with dodgy vision, and I knew. He was gone.

There is something that has nothing to do with the infinitesimal movement of gill or fin. Some indefinable quality. The lights have gone out and life has fled, leaving only the body behind. Those who have seen death know its ‘feel’.

He had looked better… Healing had begun, the scales were beginning to go back into their place, the swollen body had begun to regain its shape… and his eyes were still bright. It was the same body. Yet something was gone and only the shell remained.

I wept as I buried him gently amid the flowers. For a fish? No, for a fellow creature who had suffered and whose story had, in some way, mirrored my son’s journey. There is little hope for a fish with dropsy. There had been little hope for my son, deep in a coma with appalling damage to his brain… a brain that continued to bleed and swell, causing ever more damage. We had been given no hope… except, just a glimmer of ‘maybe’.

So Round Fish was more than just a fish… he was more than himself. The gifts we are given can come from the smallest of things. I whispered this to the damp little body as I laid him in earth, thanking him for his gifts and sorry for  being unable to do more than make him more comfortable in his last days. The last touch of water on his scales before the earth took him was the salt of tears.

I wonder if fish can swim amongst the stars?

fish

Unknown's avatar

About Sue Vincent

Sue Vincent was a Yorkshire born writer, esoteric teacher and a Director of The Silent Eye. She was immersed in the Mysteries all her life. Sue maintained a popular blog and is co-author of The Mystical Hexagram with Dr G.M.Vasey. Sue lived in Buckinghamshire, having been stranded there due to an accident with a blindfold, a pin and a map. She had a lasting love-affair with the landscape of Albion, the hidden country of the heart. Sue  passed into spirit at the end of March 2021.
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62 Responses to Tears for a fish

  1. newsferret's avatar newsferret says:
    July 31, 2015 at 12:36

    What I like is you kept us updated, for the rest all sadness, but you tried your best even if it was only a humble fish. No wonder your son recovered so well thanks to your care.

    Liked by 1 person

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  3. Karen's avatar Karen says:
    July 31, 2015 at 12:42

    A fellow creature – indeed. I wish that more human beings started having a little respect to other living beings. I am certain that you made this creature’s life more bearable. RIP, little one.

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  4. Lucy Brazier's avatar PorterGirl says:
    July 31, 2015 at 12:53

    Rest In Peace, Round Fish x

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  5. El Rolyat's avatar El Rolyat says:
    July 31, 2015 at 13:00

    Poignant and moving.
    Swim swift and free Round Fish.

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  6. Patrick Jones's avatar Patrick Jones says:
    July 31, 2015 at 13:02

    Awww…he will swim with the stars 🙂

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  7. House of Heart's avatar Heartafire says:
    July 31, 2015 at 13:05

    Incredibly moving courageous lady!

    Liked by 1 person

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  8. Mary Smith's avatar Mary Smith says:
    July 31, 2015 at 13:10

    I’m all teary-eyed reading this and telling myself, “He was a fish – and not even a fish you knew.” But, as you say, he was so much more than just a fish.

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  9. Judith Barrow's avatar judithbarrow1 says:
    July 31, 2015 at 13:10

    Swimming through the stars is a lovely thought, Sue. I wept as well. Thinking of you burying him – brought back my memory of carrying our Cavalier in her favourite blanket, across the lawn to where we buried her under the tree, two months ago. She joined our first dog, Jethro, the hamsters, gerbils, guinea pigs, canaries, fish there – we’ve had many pet funeral processions across that lawn.Jx

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  11. Judy E Martin's avatar edwinasepisodes says:
    July 31, 2015 at 13:20

    Oh, I am so sad reading this. You did your best Sue and at least made his last days comfortable and buried him with respect. I think he will be up there swimming with the stars.

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  12. Rowena's avatar roweeee says:
    July 31, 2015 at 13:35

    Sometimes we could only allow ourselves to shed those tears we would like to shed for a loved one by crying for something else and a pet fish is a worthy thing. I have actually experienced some of my hardest psychological reactions when I’m actually “better” tthan when I’ve been in the thick of it. Could address it all then and later have the grand cathersis.
    I’m sure your fish is swimming with the stars and enjoying the moonlight xx Rowena

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  13. Smorgasbord - Variety is the Spice of Life.'s avatar Smorgasbord - Variety is the Spice of Life. says:
    July 31, 2015 at 14:29

    I have wept enough tears this week for brave women, memories, lions, chicks and now a fish. I am on a hair trigger.. . XXS

    Liked by 1 person

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  14. Smorgasbord - Variety is the Spice of Life.'s avatar Smorgasbord - Variety is the Spice of Life. says:
    July 31, 2015 at 14:31

    Reblogged this on Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life and commented:
    When something has touched our hearts it is so sad when they leave us.. this week for me has brought up long buried memories as well as tears for brave women sharing their stories.. then there was Cecil the lion, day old chicks care of Jo Robinson and now this..a fish I have never even seen but who gave some form of solace and inspiration.. Get the tissues out and head over to Sue Vincent…

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  15. noelleg44's avatar noelleg44 says:
    July 31, 2015 at 15:27

    I’m so sorry Round Fish didn’t make it, but feel good that you cared for him and did your best. I have a terrible time with stories where animals die and seeing dead animals on the road often moves me to tears. I’d like to think he is swimming amongst the stars!

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  17. masgautsen's avatar masgautsen says:
    July 31, 2015 at 20:47

    My condolences.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  18. Gigi Sedlmayer's avatar Gigi Sedlmayer says:
    July 31, 2015 at 23:47

    What a moving story. Rest in piece, round fish. You will never forget, as I will never forget as our Blacky, the white cat, died. Keep him in mind, Sorry to hear about your son. He too, bill never be forgotten.

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  19. alibaliwalker's avatar Ali Isaac says:
    August 1, 2015 at 01:20

    Rip little fish xxx

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  20. macjam47's avatar macjam47 says:
    August 1, 2015 at 01:27

    Very heartfelt story. Pets leave their mark upon our hearts.

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  21. Eliza Waters's avatar Eliza Waters says:
    August 1, 2015 at 02:11

    Oh, poor sweet Roundfish. You did your very best for him and gave him a kind burial. It is sad when death comes visiting. May his body become a beautiful flower in time in the garden and his spark, a star in the sky.

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  23. socialbridge's avatar socialbridge says:
    August 1, 2015 at 09:43

    swim among the stars
    glistening and shimmering
    love is never lost

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  25. Tricia Sloan's avatar threehandsoneheart says:
    August 1, 2015 at 10:55

    I’m sorry for your loss. It is never easy to say goodbye, and this one was especially difficult.

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  26. Chatter Master's avatar Chatter Master says:
    August 1, 2015 at 14:49

    Compassion is beautiful.

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  27. Suzanne Joshi's avatar Suzanne Joshi says:
    August 2, 2015 at 14:20

    Thanks for letting your readers know what happened, Sue. I would have been wondering. Round fish’s suffering is now over. That’s always something to help us in sadness.

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  28. Alicia Butcher Ehrhardt's avatar Alicia Butcher Ehrhardt says:
    August 3, 2015 at 04:39

    We felt the same when Fred – who had been beautiful – left us. We tried EVERYTHING, even joining online goldfish forums.

    I Understand your sadness – I hope there is a fishy heaven.

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