I woke this morning to a little bit of magic. A number. 2010. It is, in a lot of ways, a magical and life changing number for me. Let me explain…
I’d had a particular presence online for a few years, writing and teaching in the one area where I had both confidence and conviction, on esoteric subjects. Looking back I can see how the closed, safe environment of the forums suited my need… and I was needy on so many levels. The only public writing was an occasional columnist for the Spirit Guides website. Oh the public face of corporate life had always been able to appear confident enough and I could fight for any injustice or cause for others. But to have any faith in me, myself, was beyond me. Being invited to teach was a surprise. It began a slow shift in perception. It seemed that perhaps I had something to offer that could be of use, and that was a surprise. Putting thoughts unspoken into words clarifies them, makes you re-examine them, discarding things long accepted blindly and seeking the heart of half-seen ideas. You learn a lot when you teach… students are the best teachers.
I’d learned a lot teaching some of the local youngsters to paint too. They were often fragile, as teenagers can be behind the bravado. Showing them they could do something they had thought impossible, thought themselves incapable of achieving, mattered to them. Of course, the same thing applied to me, and from verbalising that doctrine of possibility I was, myself, obliged to listen. Bit of an eye-opener that.
In July 2009, with the attack on my son, I began to write every day. Letters and emails; a journal, updating the friends, known and unknown worldwide who lent their prayers and support to my son as he lay in the coma. Life had changed. How much I had no idea.
I had to learn to find and draw upon the reserves buried deep in all of us and I found my self image changing. Still far from confident I was, in many ways, in a dark place at that time. Suffering PTSD as a consequence of the attack on my son, clinging to a relationship that eroded more of me every day… and with my permission too… completely lacking in self confidence.
A weekend workshop in Tintagel in the spring of 2010… yes, there’s that number… was the catalyst for a completely life-changing journey. Me, the little mouse, hiding in corners and too shy to approach people, was thrust into a hotel bursting with people and a ritual that played out symbolically the healing of the deepest of wounds. I did not have to approach people, they knew me through my son’s story and I was seldom alone. I found it surprising.
As is the way with such rituals, and following a truly magical moment on the Thursday night where a white haired Lady called fire from heaven and I met the eyes of two women in recognition and love, what was seeded that weekend began to grow. I met another pair of eyes there too, and had I but known it the wheels had begun to turn. Then a chance encounter on a staircase was the arrow from a flaming bow that kindled something, a slow smouldering fire ready to leap into flame.
In April 2011 I thought I’d try this blogging thing. I had been doing a lot of writing privately. I created this site… very basic… and posted a poem just to see if I could work out how. A month later there were two articles. Then nothing. Silence. I forgot about it. Who, after all, could possibly want to read anything I’d written? I was right too as far as the stats went! So the writing stayed within the privacy settings of friends; a closed book, except for the controlled environment of carers’ forums, where there was anonymity , and the ongoing project with Gary Vasey and the Mystical Hexagram.
A year later, in May 2012, I began to share some of my son’s story. This time, driven by the need to support a campaign, the blogging was more regular and there was a post every few days. The campaign was for my son… and it had been instigated by Steve, with whom I had been working as part of the SOL (Servants of the Light) admin team as a way of giving something back for the incredible support the members of that School had given to my son. Steve was starting a new School and asked me to help with some artwork, and suddenly, it seemed, I too was part of that School and the Silent Eye was born.
Once more the blog had a purpose and by this time I was writing most days. And people, incredibly, were reading. My confidence had grown, the destructive relationship was ended, my son was in a home of his own and I was soon to have the house to myself as the last of the boys left home. And I was happy. Actively and truly happy and I had found a fierce joy in living.
With the beginnings of the School I met Stuart again… we had met briefly on one of Steve’s workshops, but barely knew one another. We talked most of one night through and then an impromptu adventure in the hills started a journey that has led to a small shelf full of books between the three of us. Datura Press published the Hexagram book. Sticking my whiskers out of the lifelong mousehole in some surprise, I found I was a writer and loving it.
Life shifted gear again with the official birth of the School in 2013, and by our first birthday we have gone global with students on four continents and we have been honoured to be invited to be involved with some wonderful projects. The original tentative premise of the Silent Eye has grown, melding what the three of us bring as individuals and what we are given to create into something beautiful that changes lives. It has certainly changed mine.
I write every day. In fact, most of my time is spent at the computer when I am not at work, with the books, students and things for the School. I have shared my joy in the landscape, my friendships and laughter. I have told of the griefs and mistakes. I have written fantasy, fact and speculation, and opened my heart on the pages of this blog. And it has changed me, allowing me to finally grow into myself and begin to know who I am. The world is a mirror, but you have to take action to look into it and see yourself, warts and all, before you can begin to see. I may exemplify the ‘starving artist’ in many ways, the past few years have held many griefs, hiccoughs and problems, I have looked, and continue to learn, through writing about life what life should and can be; I have looked in that mirror, cringing at what I saw… and I continue to look and learn.. and hopefully learn how to grow beyond the fears and weaknesses. I may never change the world, but it has changed me. Writing has changed me.
And I have never been happier in my life.
This morning I woke to 2010 followers… 136 countries, over 10,000 comments and 70,000 views. Numbers do not really matter as a rule, but this one did. That is 2010 people. People who have changed my life for the better and opened the doors of adventure for me.I have found friends, shared stories, tears and laughter and learned of the wider world from other writers across the world.
What can I say except…
Sue Vincent's Daily Echo 
A radiant, honest and lovely post, Sue. Thank you for sharing your journey with us, both today and back through the years. I love reading your posts. Congratulations on your 2010 in all senses! Here’s to the next 2010, and the next Gathering of the Esoteric Clans. xxx
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Thank you Alienora… though I think I had the best evidence of what can be achieved in my inbox this morning xxxx
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Great to hear of your Journey, all of it…and good to witness some of that blossoming as one of the readers of your blog! It’s great, too, that you have a community that is supportive and interested in your work, thoughts, and journey of life. Here’s to ‘2010’, and all v best to you!
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Thank you, Karen! It is, after all, the people that make this beautiful 🙂
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& so admire your courage in actually starting a blog!…. (strangely enough, I’ve been afraid to do that, in spite of not nearly as much fear re: public speaking/lecturing, et al… people have asked ‘don’t you Tweet’ (no!..just seems too ‘selfie’ to me, etc… ugh!) or, ‘do you have a blog?’…. (well, no….!) Maybe it can be v difficult, sometimes, for women’s voices to be fully expressed again, after certain events (let alone heard)… !
So, ‘good on you!’ for doing just that! You’re a lodestar for many of us out there, and yes, I suppose there are good people out there who are are genuine about their spiritual path…. Blessings for your future…and looking forward to your future blog posts, hope it goes well
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I had no idea when I started blogging that it would become so much a part of my life… so much so that it is now a family by-word and my son will cock an eyebrow and say he can see a blog post coming on…
I can understand what you mean about finding a voice after certain events… there have been a good many in my own life that silenced me with fear. Finding that voice was the beginning of healing in many ways.
Thank you… and blessings to you.
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Well deserved! Congratulations and thank you for sharing your beautiful light with us. xo
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Thank you Alethea xxx
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Such a beautiful and inspiriting story, Sue. Best wishes and warm hugs as the journey continues, WG
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Thank you WG… here’s to the next chapter 🙂 x
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Here’s to a next chapter filled with light, love, and magic 😉 XX WG
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Editing as we speak 🙂 xx
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😉 Big storm on the way here, so I’m shutting down the computer for a while. A great 2 days out in the garden planting- finally! Lots of lavender in the ground today. Hope things are better with Nick. Not online much lately, but keeping you both close in thoughts and prayers. Love and light, E XXX
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Stay safe in the storm. Rain here all day after some lovely spring days. All is well here.. thank you xx
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Inspiring Sue, and so wonderfully open.
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Thank you, Don
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This is Marvelous 🙂 As usual….I feel like I keep repeating myself 🙂 LOL
~Happy Friday!~
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Happy Friday, Morgan 😀 x
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Pingback: Oh now… | Daily Echo
oh, sue -what an amazing transformation you have undergone. you are the true definition of a phoenix and i am honored and pleased to be one of the 2010, who are touched by your spirit that comes through in your writing ) beth
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You’ve been with me a long while now, Beth… thank you for that! x
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maybe i should check out one of your books, did not realize i was following a published poet:)
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The books aren’t poetry.. though there are poems in them… but please do 🙂
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dose not matter what is in them I like to read
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That’s probably just as well…. 😉
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yup, and i see you like my page. Little while ago i was looking at it observing it and thinking it is know good, thanks for liking it
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There’s some good stuff on there.
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thanks
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🙂
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maybe I am just to critical of myself lol
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Isn’t that the same for any artist? If we were ever satisfied, would we keep following that urge to create?
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hmmm, that makes so much sense never thought of it that way.
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Just keep chasing it…
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i have been even before now, just always wondered why i am never happy with anything lol which never made sense until now. Also thinking of creativity in another aspect since we are just humans, god is the ultimate creator wonder how he feels lol
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I think he must laugh a lot… humans, giraffes, duck billed playpus… maybe He doesn’t take Himself too seriously
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who knows
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I think He made laughter too… the universe is a joyous place, given half a chance
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god is a much wiser self existing entity than me, though i know I do have a hard time laughing at myself maybe i should try to be more like god lol
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I could go all philosophical about now… but I’ll just say thats not a bad idea 🙂
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well why don’t you?
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I am here for another hour
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*chuckles* I’m probably not… nearly midnight after a very early start again today..and with another tomorrow no doubt.
I don’t think there is any differentiation except degree between man and the Divine.. however you want to name It. I don’t think we have to be more like God, but to find the divinity within ourselves that is an inherent part of who and what we are. To find it and be conscious of it.
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I agree
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