It is, I am told, Mental Health Awareness week. Alienora Taylor wrote of her own experience in her blog today. I have chosen to repost the piece below. It can happen to any of us, for whatever reason.
For me it was the attack on my son. A mindless attack, for no good reason, that left him in a coma, close to death, expected to die, with a screwdriver rammed through his brain.
I didn’t realise how bad PTSD is till I lived through it.
Put a bone under too much pressure and it will snap. So can the mind, in varying degrees.
P.T.S.D.
The ripples from an event like this spread far.
One thinks of post traumatic stress disorder in connection with major tragedies, soldiers on the battle front, natural disasters.. but it gets even the least of us, quietly, and often goes unregarded.
For me, the nightmares started early. That first week. I woke screaming. After ‘watching’ every member of my family, ever person I have ever loved, be mangled, dismembered, flayed and left for dead in agony.
But that, one assumes, is normal under the circumstances, a normal reaction to the horror we were living through. How could it be otherwise?
But when, a year later, a whiff of the aftershave Nick used to wear makes the supermarket dissolve away yet again and leaves you back at his bedside in ICU, standing stock still, unaware of normal life, time travelling back to the point of horror, then you know something has to be done.
Flashbacks take you back ..not as in memory, but as if you are there again. You see, hear, smell, feel and experience what was, while what is fades from existence. It can happen once a blue moon, or ten times a day. You can’t see it coming and can’t escape it once it starts.
It colours every aspect of your life, leaves you afraid to sleep, destroys relationships and normality itself. And yet, you still have to function.
I wasn’t the only one affected. We are still suffering the consequences and damage this attack caused to us all and while we, as a family (or what is now left of it) continue to be blessed by my son’s impossible recovery, by the support of people like you, who read this, and by messages from all over the world, please don’t be fooled.
It still hurts like hell.
P.T.S.D.
Pillow-muffled screams.
Only another nightmare …
Scarred images in
Technicolor horror.
Trembling fingers
Reach for another cigarette,
Another sleeping pill,
Unable to forget.
Mechanical.
Always the gore,
The torture of loved ones;
Illogical imaginings
Correct in their essence.
Simple actions
Trigger the flashbacks…
Reality dissolved,
Engulfed and excoriated,
Strangled by memories
Silently screeching.
Dying daily,
Inside, quietly.
Seeking escape
Or understanding.
Ravaged by vision,
Dreading the dreams
Expecting the torment.
Remembering….
Sue Vincent's Daily Echo 
“It still hurts like hell.” I can feel this. I can understand and relate, though for different reasons. I admire your writing; what I have read is so spot-on that it resonates with me even though we live entirely different lives. That is powerful. I’m grateful to have come upon your blog, and I will certainly be a follower.
~Lyann
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Thank you, Lyann.
Not so very different, perhaps.. we are both women, with families that hold all their joys and heartaches.
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Absolutely 🙂 I wish for you all the joy your heart can hold and more.
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Oh, that is lovely! And joy is something I am very blessed with. Today my son, the one who was attacked, was waiting for me, dressed in a monkey suit… OK, he’s 28 and six foot.. but after the heartache, to find him thus, in his own home, waiting to speak on the phone to his new fiancée.. Well, it is, perhaps, as near a miracle as I could ever hope to see.
There are problems still and always will be… he cannot walk unaided, his speech is not perfect, his sight damaged.. but his mind and heart and laughter are all there, and he is happier in his new life than he ever was before the attack.
With such things, joy is inevitable 🙂
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Today of all days, that I come across this, when there is so much sorrow and tragedy with our Ct. friends and family and what you reposted is so timely, so valuable. Sending you a big cyber hug. And, thank you for visiting my site. I’m grateful for this sharing.
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The tragedy in your country has, I think, touched the hearts of the world. I am lucky and through this.. my heart goes out completely to those who still have to face it.
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Beautiful sharing here, Echo! So glad to be able to connect with your story, while also being able to glimpse into his present, graceful unfolding now. Seeing you surrendering to the journey and sharing the experience with such brave authenticity inspires me to add my little key hole glimpses from my corner to our collective human stories as well! X!marga
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Thank you, Marga. It is a brave journey my son has taken and one that has taught us a great deal. But everyone has a story, just as important, even if they are not always as vivid as my son’s. And all stories should be shared and heard with love. x
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Great post! So glad to hear your son is ok! As for PTSD the Somatic Experiencing technique created by Dr Peter Levine is the best thing out there. His book Waking The Tiger is a must read for anyone who has suffered trauma or full blown PTSD. I’ve seen the results first hand with myself and also family members, well worth checking out.
Good luck with your continued healing 🙂
Rohan.
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Thank you, Rohan. I will be sure to have a look for the book.
My son continues to heal and make progress and astound us all.. which is wonderful. As for me, I am grateful for that beyond measure, and grateful too for a small insight into what so many others go through for far more horrific reasons.
Sue
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