Reblogged from Barb Taub:

[Note: I’m trying to avoid headers referring to Christmas ‘going to the dogs’ or anything involving a combination of ‘Santa’ and ‘Paws.’ But it’s sooooo hard!]

Cats are to dogs what modern people are to the people we used to have. Cats are slimmer, cleaner, more attractive, disloyal, and lazy. It’s easy to understand why the cat has eclipsed the dog as modern America’s favorite pet. People like pets to possess the same qualities they do. Cats are irresponsible and recognize no authority, yet are completely dependent on others for their material needs. Cats cannot be made to do anything useful. Cats are mean for the fun of it. In fact, cats possess so many of the same qualities as some people (expensive girlfriends, for instance), that it’s often hard to tell the people and the cats apart.” P.J. O’Rourke, Modern Manners, 1983

Before I got married, I always had cats. I just thought of them as something you kept around the place, like the oven or your roommate’s boyfriend. The cats’ main functions were to keep feet warm in winter, to knock things off tables, and to throw up. (“Gosh, I’d LOVE to go with you to the all-night Albanian Film Festival, but my cat knocked that cheap bouquet you gave me onto the floor, drank the water with all that preservative meant to make your little carnations last longer, and now she’s really sick.”

via What the #cat and #dog want from #Santa… #Christmas #humor #pets