I’m having a great time on my Christmas holiday! Maybe not as many treats as I can usually
con convince her to give me… but who cares? I have met some lovely new friends and it is wall to wall playtime!
Not that I have forgotten about treats, but some people keep reminding me that if I get fat I won’t live as long or as well as I could. There is a balance to be struck here.
Person’ly, I think if she just fed me on proper fresh chicken and salmon every day… several times instead of twice… I might not need as many treats in between… But two legses have funny ideas about that.
Take my friend Hector Romulus, for example, who looks after H. R. R. Gorman… he’s been so good and he’s not really asking for much…
Much love, Ani xxx
I have been a very good boy – even my Treat Mama at the Dog Training for Bad Pups says I’ve improved very much. I’ve only bitten one puppy and three other dogs this year, and I’ve not drawn any human blood since last December. Some accomplishments I’ve had this year are letting strangers pet my hair instead of my teeth, learning how to kennel, doing loose leash walking most of the time, and having only vomit-related accidents in the house. Because I’ve been so very good, I thought I could ask you for some toys, Santa.
First off, I want some more of those dried rabbit parts. My mama won’t let me have them because she says I only get 200-250 calories a day, but I think fat dogs are cute and that I deserve these treats. I’ve had them at my friend Teddy’s house when his Mama wants me to stop biting Teddy. He’s my best friend.
Secondly, I want a new water buffalo horn. I’ve nearly depleted the one I have, and I need something with enhanced smelliness and musk.
Last, I would like a whole jar of peanut butter to eat at once. I understand that I will probably explode if I do this, but at least I will go out the way I want – filled with peanutty goodness and fatty arteries.
Your best and biggest boy,
About Hector’s Two-Legs, H. R. R. Gorman
I was born and raised in the Blue Ridge mountains of North Carolina, walking distance from the Tennessee border. I hunted, fished, and tended the garden to help my parents provide for our family, but I loved every subject in school. I knew my way out of my small community was through academics.
I then went off to college, became a chemical engineer, and married a nuclear engineer. I lived near San Francisco for 4 years, and I hated every moment until I gave up and moved back to North Carolina. I follow a pescatarian diet for environmental reasons but don’t enforce it on my dog, Hector.
Follow H. R. R. Gorman’s Writing Blog where you will find links to novella-length fiction and innumerable short stories