The lawn

Posted on June 27, 2016 by Sue Vincent

ani grass

The lawn will require attention,

Though a ‘lawn’ it has not really been…

It is more an uneven and ragged expanse

Alternating from muddy to green.

*

There are holes in which moles or fieldmices

Or voles may have made their abode,

There are hedgehogs and crickets,

Not flowers and pickets,

And even a resident toad.

*

I’m not stuck for manure,

 ‘Cause there are no fewer

Than dozens of cows in the field.

So I might plant some roses

To relieve our noses …

And see what the neighbours can yield.

*

I could dig the lot up and seed it,

But the small dog likes playing outside

And already bounds onto the sofa

Where she waits for the mud to have dried.

*

But even if I should re-sow it,

And fill all the holes in with muck,

It’s way too uneven to mow it,

And even the hover gets stuck.

*

I could start again and renew it

Get some turf on a roll, nice and neat,

But she’d just dig it up and re-do it

And still have the mud on her feet.

*

A deck or some paving would solve it,

But the price is well out of my range,

No idea what to do to resolve it,

But a flat lawn would make a nice change.

*

For a moment, I thought about plastic,

Then to mow it, there’s never a call…

But then maybe that’s just a bit drastic,

The English ‘do’ lawns after all.

*

But it takes quite a while to perfect one

‘Bout a century, or so they say,

And before you approve or reject one,

You must mow, roll and water each day.

*

Now, I don’t plan on dying tomorrow,

But a century’s too much to ask,

Though I do have to say it with sorrow…

I doubt I’ll be up to the task.

*

So I’m stuck with a lawn that has waves in,

Like a perm, or the sea for a boat…

I will just have to mow it or cave in…

Or alternatively… buy a goat.

goat

Unknown's avatar

About Sue Vincent

Sue Vincent was a Yorkshire born writer, esoteric teacher and a Director of The Silent Eye. She was immersed in the Mysteries all her life. Sue maintained a popular blog and is co-author of The Mystical Hexagram with Dr G.M.Vasey. Sue lived in Buckinghamshire, having been stranded there due to an accident with a blindfold, a pin and a map. She had a lasting love-affair with the landscape of Albion, the hidden country of the heart. Sue  passed into spirit at the end of March 2021.
This entry was posted in Dogs, Humour, Photography, Poetry and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

80 Responses to The lawn

  1. harulawordsthatserve's avatar harulawordsthatserve says:
    June 27, 2016 at 07:20

    Oh my goodness Sue, I love love LOVE this 🙂 Absolutely, a goat’s the solution! A lawn with waves in – a thing of beauty! Perfect, flat, even lawns are for…people who don’t have enough other interesting things to do with their time…or else they’re allergic to goats 🙂 Laughing hugs, Harula xxx

    Like

    Reply
  2. Ritu's avatar Ritu says:
    June 27, 2016 at 07:37

    This is fantastic Sue, you HAVE to get a goat!!!!

    Like

    Reply
  3. Richard Ankers's avatar Richard Ankers says:
    June 27, 2016 at 07:58

    This made me smile. 🙂

    Like

    Reply
  4. socialbridge's avatar socialbridge says:
    June 27, 2016 at 08:11

    Or even two goats, Sue?

    Like

    Reply
  5. Smorgasbord - Variety is the Spice of Life.'s avatar Smorgasbord - Variety is the Spice of Life. says:
    June 27, 2016 at 09:16

    Reblogged this on Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life and commented:
    Sue Vincent is a bit ahead of me on the moving schedule and having now has time to contemplate the state of the garden.. or more specifically the lawn.. Having had the pleasure of a goat in one of my gardens for a whole summer I can recommend.. however, do not put your half read book down when they can find it as you will never get to read the ending!!

    Like

    Reply
  6. Jaye Marie & Anita Dawes's avatar jenanita01 says:
    June 27, 2016 at 10:03

    Lawns can be a pain in the proverbial, and the gardening chore to beat all others, but… and this is a HUGE but, I love grass. Love to see it, walk on it, smell it, (and on a good day, even love cutting it)
    Just do the best you can, Sue, and jump on the bumps!

    Like

    Reply
  7. Mary Smith's avatar Mary Smith says:
    June 27, 2016 at 10:18

    I smiled at this, especially wondering how Ani and the goat would get on. Maybe a couple of sheep? Just start referring to it as the paddock then no one will expect a smooth, flat expanse of manicured lawn.

    Like

    Reply
  8. fransiweinstein's avatar fransiweinstein says:
    June 27, 2016 at 11:49

    Definitely a goat, although Ani seems quite happy with the wavy lawn. Hope your move went smoothly and you’re settling in.

    Like

    Reply
  9. vanbytheriver's avatar vanbytheriver says:
    June 27, 2016 at 13:32

    The goat…just perfect ! ☺

    Like

    Reply
  10. kirizar's avatar kirizar says:
    June 27, 2016 at 14:36

    Ode to the woes of a summer lawn!

    Like

    Reply
  11. noelleg44's avatar noelleg44 says:
    June 27, 2016 at 14:53

    LOL! I think a goat is a great idea, and Ani might find it interesting, too. One thought – you could have a service come out with a great heavy roller and roll the lawn – that should even it out some and make it easier to cut – although it looks quite yummy for a goat!

    Like

    Reply
  12. The Hopeful Herbalist's avatar The Hopeful Herbalist says:
    June 27, 2016 at 15:00

    Ach, who wants a lawn anyway? My sister-in-law suggests a Rescue Shetland pony instead 🙂

    Like

    Reply
  13. Angie's avatar Angie says:
    June 27, 2016 at 15:23

    A goat is an excellent idea! LOL. Goat milk, goat cheese, goat soap…or just a lawn mower.

    Like

    Reply
  14. Let's CUT the Crap!'s avatar Let's CUT the Crap! says:
    June 27, 2016 at 16:49

    Wonderful, breezy, entertaining poem. Made me smile, Sue.
    I hear park officials have used goats to keep the grass short and the program was successful. More cities are online as well. Along with the goats, there will be two or three police on horses keeping an eye on things. No mention was made of any accidents stepping into–you know… If I visited one of those parks, I can guarantee I’d land in a bit of muck. 😦 😀 😀

    Like

    Reply
  15. Judy E Martin's avatar Judy Martin says:
    June 27, 2016 at 19:24

    HaHA! Fantastic! I think you should get the goat Sue. 🙂

    Like

    Reply
  16. Carol Balawyder's avatar Carol Balawyder says:
    June 28, 2016 at 02:02

    I loved your poem and the photo of your dog! And the goat…:)

    Like

    Reply
  17. Eliza Waters's avatar Eliza Waters says:
    June 28, 2016 at 03:28

    Now that would keep the lawn in order and give Ani an interesting mate to chase after! 😉

    Like

    Reply
  18. Widdershins's avatar Widdershins says:
    June 28, 2016 at 04:07

    Ani and the Nanny (goat) … I can see it now!!! 😀

    Like

    Reply
  19. Marilyn Armstrong's avatar Marilyn Armstrong says:
    June 28, 2016 at 17:03

    I have been told you should get a llama. Because they eat just the grass, whereas the goat will eat everything else … and ignore the grass 🙂 On the other hand, a goat would be more fun than a llama, especially for Ani.

    Like

    Reply
  20. patriciaruthsusan's avatar patriciaruthsusan says:
    June 30, 2016 at 09:18

    This is great, Sue. I can just see the goat munching away out there. You don’t have a lawn, you have a grassy zoo for small creatures. 😀 — Suzanne

    Like

    Reply
  21. macjam47's avatar macjam47 says:
    July 10, 2016 at 20:59

    Get the goat! LOL.

    Like

    Reply

Leave a reply to jenanita01 Cancel reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.