As I was in dreamland last night, the ghost of Christmas future came to me with an offering that she would let me see what fate had in store for me, if I promised to stop beating my wife. I was prone to violence when she got me mad, or didn’t do what I told her to do. I have been known to hit her, kick her and I have even chocked her on a few occasions, but each time she got on my nerves, so she deserved it. It started on our wedding night, when I saw her sucking face with her cousin, who does that, so I smacked her around to get her back in line.

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