Image source Antigoni
Gentlemen, you may wish to look away now. Be warned. Consider it a ‘spoiler alert’ …
Ladies, I have a hankering for new knickers. In fact, you could say I have a need for them. Gone are the days when knicker elastic could be purchased by the yard and, with the deft application of a safety pin, be threaded through to replace elastic so tired it had given up and gone to sleep… frequently causing embarrassment or severe contortionism as you tried to unobtrusively hitch the offending garment back into place whilst smiling in sweet unconcern. No, these days the elastication is part of said garment and once it has given up the ghost there is little that can be done. It is either part of the garment itself… at which point the whole thing just sags … or is ‘bonded’ to the waistband… at which point you may end up going involuntarily commando.
In the early stages of its demise you may feel a certain freedom as the elastic relaxes… or even, for a brief and glorious moment, be convinced that the diet is working… but after a few such encounters with the loosening ties of decency, you have the awful realisation that something is about to give. The other option, where the elastic is bonded to the top hem, is all well and good… unless you pull a little hastily…and the stretchy stuff simply parts company with the body of the drawers.
Because, of course, we are not talking lingerie here…. Those fragile flimsies you need only breathe on to have disintegrate. I used to have a drawer… nay several drawers… full of the stuff. Insignificant scraps of satin and lace… tangas, thongs, shorts and silk confections à la parisienne… I even had G-strings (which I am sure must have been invented by a dentist, given their resemblance to floss) and something called a C string which looked more like an Alice-band to me… Would I choose to wear the stuff? Very seldom. I prefer something that a) actually fits the real curves of the female form and b) doesn’t make whatever I’m wearing look like a badly tied sausage.
Most of the lingerie was acquired as gifts. The first time one’s partner comes home with a tissue wrapped and perfumed box of silky gorgeousness, you are pleased… delighted… you may even be proud of him for going in there and actually buying it (even if the sizing is unrealistic). Rare and occasional gifts of this nature can be rather nice. Especially when his fantasies have been adjusted to your actual size. When, however, they become an occurrence so frequent as to be predictable, you begin to wonder… If he needs you gift wrapped …? Something other than the elastic has to go… and most of the lingerie went with him.
That was a long time ago and these days I buy my own. Now don’t misunderstand me, I like lace, silk and pretty things as much as the next woman… but…there appears to be an exponential price increase in direct disproportion to the amount of fabric used and to this my frugal soul objects. Nevertheless, a compromise can be reached whereby we find something both attractive and comfortable which doesn’t require a mortgage.
But, you see, I got to thinking… as you do… Knickers are important. And whether you wear briefs, thongs or full-blown bloomers, you need them to have certain characteristics. They are the foundation upon which any outfit is built and in order to look right you have to feel right first. Should we wrestle our forms into something designed for a sylph merely to please someone other than ourselves? Should we follow a fashion designed with starved models in mind in pursuit of the prevailing fashion? Or should we choose to create a foundation that feels right for us… one that fits our skin, suits both our shape and our taste; moves with our activities, changes with our mood and forms a suitable canvas upon which we can build the outer form with which we face the day?
My mother, always an attractive and elegant woman, gave me a superb piece of advice when I was young… go to the ballroom in warm boots; you don’t look attractive if you are blue with cold. The same thing applies to underwear…though I am not advocating thermals here. Just comfort. Unless you feel right, you won’t look right.
But it applies equally to the way we see ourselves… to the foundation we create for our personality and the way we often try and shape ourselves to meet the ideals, needs and desires of others. We can be really adept at fooling ourselves that we are that person too… just as we can convince ourselves we will fit in that little lacy number without looking like an overstuffed haggis… But if our own taste really runs to the simplicity of pristine white cotton and soft lace, why would we wear anything else? If we have a penchant for whalebone and lacing, why should we wear silk and ribbons? In the same way that we choose the right foundation for an outfit, we need to find the comfort and compatibility with life in our own skin. Working, you might say, from the bottom up.
Sue Vincent's Daily Echo 
I think I got stuck in 1980! Clever post! Chuckle…
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I may have dipped a toe in the 21st century…but beat a hasty retreat!
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LUV IT!..but what’s WRONG with an overstuffed haggis???…even if it is from the bottom up :):)
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On a plate, nothing Seumas… in a mirror? Hmmm… 😉
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Reblogged this on oshriradhekrishnabole.
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That made me laugh… thank you. The image you used has also been used as proof of global warming…
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😉 Yes, I have seen it used as such…
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Made me smile! 😄 but yes have noticed the application of lace doubles the price 😉
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And the subtraction of decent coverage trebles it 😉
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Too true! As one Glasgow grandma described it ” like two boiled eggs in a hankie!” ☺️
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Oh! I love that 🙂
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😀
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Well said Sue!
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🙂
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Reblogged this on Anita & Jaye Dawes.
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Ah, somebody who gets what I have been trying to explain to my female friends for quite some time 🙂 This was so brilliant I was sad when it was over. Thanks!
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Thank you, Daleen! I’m glad it struck a chord 😉
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Reblogged this on A Woman's Wisdom and commented:
Sue Vincent struggles with a g-string in this very funny post 🙂
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Sue, you are funny and relatable. I have several kinds of knickers depending on what goes over them. Yoga pants at home? Comfy briefs. Out to lunch or casual dinner in mid-rise jeans? Nice lace on top band of undies (what we in States call knickers) and silk rather than cotton. And for those special occasions when I must be all tucked and smooth in a form fitting dress of pair of nice trousers, nothing like spanx. They’re actually comfortable if you don’t wear them all the time!
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Ah spanx… those are the things you need a shoe-horn to get into… 😉
I like the pretty things… not quite ready for granny knickers yet… but i do like them to stay put when dressed and not put ripples in my curves 😉
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Got a good laugh out of this, Sue, and I couldn’t agree more! The other thing about the fancy underthings is that they scratch and itch. I once spent an entire evening trying to discretely scratch myself – must have been quite amusing to my date. As for spanx, I once got the pull on, full torso kind and discovered I had to undress to use the toilet. Sometimes bulges just have to be left alone!
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Curves, dear, curves. We never bulge 😉
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Sue, you go where Angels fear to tread.
Evelyn
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Well I doubt they’d be venturing near my underwear, Evelyn 😉
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Wicked woman – love this dearly
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Thank you, John 😀
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This is so funny! It gave me a good laugh to start my day.
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Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it. There is a sisterhood in sagging elastic….
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*gasp* my favorite subject!!! Wait a minute,,, you callin me vain cuz I wear my knickers on the outside?? 😉
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LOL… your Spanx remain forever fixed in my ‘best memories ‘ 😉 xxx
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I’ve always been a little suspicious of trying Spanx thinking that whatever they’re squeezing in is surely only going to pop out somewhere else – I may be wrong. Loved this post though Sue – think I’m stuck in the 80’s mind with the occasional dabble into more recent decades then like you a hasty retreat 🙂
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Ah, now that is exactly my position on Spanx… I’d want a full body suit just in case 😉
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In full agreement on that…plus…I’m never going to spend that much on anything that nobody is ever going to see… 😉
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If I was, I would want something prettier than beige elastic 😉
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Your mother certainly gave you good advice!
Your post got me thinking about frilly knickers that were part of tennis 🎾 attire back in the day.
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It had me thinking of the navy blue affairs we had to wear for gym 😉
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Comfortable shoes and underwear are the foundation of the good life. I don’t care how much money you have. if your panties are riding up or falling off, and your feet hurt, you can’t feel good. Money won’t help. I’m a passionate advocate for starting the day in comfort. We’ve got enough problems without adding to them.
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I agree, though I still like heels and lace too 🙂
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I’m a cotton girl but if it manages a wee bit of lace, lovely. Thanks for the 😊 Sue! And good luck with the hunt, one I hate!
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I have leanings that way myself 🙂
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So funny and so true! The suffering we women endure. 😉
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😀
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Really funny Sue while giving some good advice. I loved the cartoon of the clothesline. 😀
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Thanks Suzanne… I couldn’t help myself 😉
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Sorry. I’m a boy but I forgot to look away. I’ve never understood the Price v Fabric volume regime either. But spare a thought please for us boys. You see, we have to not only find a garment that is comfortable, but one which must also support our “stuff”. We’ve got extra bits you know, and haven’t got a clue what to do with ’em. Do we stuff ’em into something tight and risk prematurely ending the blood line, or give it all the freedom of the borough in which to dance around in gay abandon?
I’m beginning to wonder if David Beckham had a point!
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The stuffing of stuff is not an unfamiliar concept for women either. At least you don’t have to contend with the hoiking of underwires.
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