Looking at the wonderful photos I have posted of Nick lately, it is hard to imagine there is anything ‘wrong’ with him. He looks simply an attractive young man, happy, healthy and whole.

That is all one sees on the photos.

The reality breaks my heart every day.

Nick has come a very long way, surpassing all the predictions made by the medical professionals, since he was stabbed through the brain in 2009 in an unprovoked and random attack. And yet..

See Nick move and the lack of coordination becomes evident in the hesitant, imprecise gestures. Watch him stand and the lack of balance becomes obvious. Walking is impossible unless he holds on with both hands to something very stable. Then too, he cannot walk neatly, because of the coordination and balance problems. His home is discretely furnished with handrails and grab rails so that he can get around on his feet as much as possible. Some days the only way he can get across his living room is on wheels.

Show Nick something… and the damage to his eyesight cannot be ignored. He still has severe double vision, even after suffering injections into the muscles behind his eyes, even after surgery. And it is too severe to be helped with prismatic lenses. On top of that, the nystagmus, which cannot be treated, makes everything he sees bounce constantly. If he is tired, ill or stressed the bouncing gets worse.

Nick can write. He has taught himself to hold a pen and move it on paper. Yet his handwriting is so slow, laborious and painful, so shaky, such hard work that it is a real effort.

He can use a computer, of course, but only if the huge screen he uses, bigger than most folks’ TV, is set to magnify. It makes it laborious and difficult.

Speech is a constant battle. While Nick has managed to attain clarity, and miraculously retain all his gift of language and vocabulary, maintaining clarity in his speech is also hard work. As soon as he is tired it is slurred. We even had one woman tell him on the phone not to call when he was drunk.

All of this, of course, means that life is hard work for Nick in ways most of us cannot imagine. He cannot even carry anything from one room to another. Imagine how nice it is for you and I to bring a cuppa into the living room and relax in front of the TV after a long day. He cannot do that, and probably never will again.

All Nick’s days are long and hard… things we take for granted are a real effort for him and exhausting. Like walking from one room to another.

Nick has already had a good deal of surgery. There is more to come shortly. It won’t cure anything, won’t make him better. It may not even help. But he has to try.

So please, don’t look at the pictures and see just a happy ending.

It isn’t that simple.

See, instead, your child, your loved one, your partner… yourself. Ask yourself how you would cope. Imagine the heartache, the pain, the despair… and imagine how you would smile to hide it from the world.

Life doesn’t stop on the surface, its currents run deeper than we often care to look.