Written August 2010 in response to proposed legislation about sending people in to problem families… Our circumstances may have changed somewhat since then.. my stepson is a father a and he, his partner and baby live with me, my partner does not, as we did not survive the stress. Nick now lives in a home of his own. But the intrinsic problems caused by caring for a family member remain in this and thousands of other households throughout the UK. If what happened to my son is able to highlight some of the problems caused by the ripples of both violence and caring, then I am happy to share the journey.

There are, undoubtedly, those who sit on their backsides, take what they can get and contribute nothing. But I severely object to the generalisations portrayed in the press and the House of Commons.

I am currently the mother of a workless family, a ‘problem’ family with my hand in the pocket of the taxpayer. I do not work, my partner does not work, my stepson does not work, my son, recently moved into his own place does not work.

I am not actively looking for work. I am in arrears with my rent again, and I have a criminal record for non payment of council tax. My partner, my son and I have not worked for two years. My stepson has been doing a bit of casual work here and there. We claim every penny we can in benefits too.

And I could not exist without the local pawnbroker. Who have had ( and kept) every item of jewellery, including my grandmothers wedding ring, and everything of value I owned. They currently have my camera and will almost certainly keep that too. Anything they will not take went long ago on ebay. Including my clothes.

My social worker has been ordered onto defensive training so that she can put up barriers against empathy and understanding. She is in despair as she watches her lifetime of training become devalued. No more specialised social workers with specialist knowledge of brain injury, stroke, dementia etc… they are being phased out and  replaced with box tickers, who are cheaper. The previous social worker explained there is no point in adding comments to their forms in an effort to squeeze a modicum of veracity into them when the generalised questions don’t ‘fit’ as the forms are only read by computers.. that scan the tick boxes and ignore the rest.

Those of you aware of my circumstances know that until two years ago I worked. I had a damned good job, having worked my way up since I was 12. My partner, who also started work at 12 with a paper round, was working very long hours, as he has always done. My son was enjoying the financial fruits of being the best in his field. At the time my younger son was still at home and (shock, horror, working in a job he has been doing for years). We have all paid substantially into the system in tax and national insurance.

My eldest son was stabbed through the brain and it all changed.

My son was left paralysed, severely brain injured, in a coma, partially sighted, unable to walk. Therefore, in spite of the ATOS franchise’s letters declaring him fit for work, he lives on benefits. And regardless of the changes made to the system, will never work again unless his recovery continues its so-far miraculous progress.

I was ‘made redundant’ 364 days into my new job, when it became apparent that I would not be able to actually work at my job again. You wouldn’t believe how many people have suggested I sue for unfair dismissal. Is it unfair that a company that was already failing and who brought me in solely to address the problem, should save money by disposing of a staff member who is unable to contribute to the company?

My partner was similarly ‘laid off’ on similar reasons, particularly when he needed major surgery too. He is now struggling to address mental and physical health issues, largely ignited by the attack on my son.

My stepson is desperately looking for work that will pay enough for him to get a place with his pregnant partner (a student training towards becoming a teacher). They will not get a council property in time as there are too many people on the list. He was working, but a casual job was all he could get, where he is not entitled to a minimum number of hours a week, or even any work every week, he spends his time at my son’s home, with my partner, rebuilding the house and adapting it to fit the needs of my son and enable him to have some modicum of privacy and independence. The system couldn’t afford to do it, and we get fed up of hearing there is no funding available. Rather than sit on his backside and play on his playstation, he and my partner have spent the last 8 months working their proverbials off, every day, all day, to make a home for my son.

Me? Well, I fight the system (and generally lose as fighting crass stupidity is a losing game). I fight the eviction notices .. and pay the court costs. The last one was because of a system error that officially left us over £800 in arrears.. they were asking more in rent than we had coming in! I’m behind with payment of arrears on the council tax, I have a criminal record for non payment now, and an arrest warrant is already in place for me.

In spite of my own health problems, (which one of my doctors officially described as a living nightmare) I too was recently declared ‘fit for work’ by ATOS. Rather than fight the system yet again, having just won the previous year’s appeal, I took the advice given and applied for Carer’s Allowance. IF I care for my son a minimum of 35 hours a week, the government will pay me £55.55 a week. (Like most carers, 35 hours a week is ludicrous of course). But even at that figure, payment equates to £1.57 an hour ( which is £4.36 per hour less than the current national minimum wage). Of course, this also meant my partner had to relinquish his contribution based benefits and I had to claim for both  of us, topping up the carers allowance with income support. I did so and found our joint ‘income’ had halved get again, as we now get £81.36 a week between us. (Bear in mind that we were about to be evicted at this point for failing to pay £60.60 per week in rent out of this!).

I cannot claim expenses for driving to my son’s home, of course. My tyres have slow punctures and I cannot get them repaired. I get no help with keeping a car on the road, in spite of using it mainly for my son’s needs.

Direct payments are an option, of course, where my son could employ me to be his carer (at which point health and safety comes into play and I could not legally do half the things he needs). We have done the assessments and applications. We did them last year and had half of the application turned down (and nothing was done about paying anything at all). We have been warned there is even less available this year and the criteria even tighter. We expect little to happen. Yet the care I provide would cost the system, on its own figures, over £100k a year.

Nor are we alone. This is the standard nightmare for many thousands of people in similar situations, lumped together by the system to massage whichever group of figures the government (any of them!), requires.

If they want to send in smug do-gooders to teach me how to live my life, let them. I guarantee that they will learn more about reality than I will. It seems to me yet another way for the system to abrogate responsibility and blame the public for its failure, another way of giving the nanny state a mandate to look condescendingly on her children and say we are not fit to live.