Ten weeks after the attack, Nick had been admitted to the Oxford Centre for Enablement for Neuro -rehab. We had little idea of what to expect, but I was interviewed at the time to try and understand . This is the form I had to fill out prior to the interview.

Relative’s expectations and wishes interview

Patient name: Nicolas Verron

Interviewer name:

Date: 14/09/09

Name(s) and relationship(s) of relative(s) interviewed: Sue Vincent (mother)

What are your main concerns?

With regard to my son, Nick has made a miraculous recovery so far. His mind, memory, education, personality and lousy sense of humour remain intact. My main concern is the level of mobility and independence he will be able to regain. He has set his sights on 100%, which is a lot to ask for. He is still taking an interest in his customers and the contracts he was working on prior to the attack and wants to regain sufficient use of his body to return to work and marry.

How have you been coping?

As well as can be expected! Nightmares, flashbacks, depression, lack of appetite, sleep problems.. but as my son has been through a horrific and inexplicable attack, coma and all the subsequent rollercoaster rides, I would not expect anything else. My younger son is very angry, my partner varies between the extremes of absolute support and panic at the practical problems this situation engenders, my stepsons have been supportive. The situation has hit us all hard as a family at all emotional levels and we are trying our best to work through it together. We have not hidden the problems from each other, nor from Nick, but tried to talk and be honest about the impact on our lives and the altered focus this has necessitated.

Financially we have been decimated by the travelling, the expenses, loss of wages and bills that have had to be funded over the past ten weeks. I do not know if we can continue ‘coping’ financially much longer given the stress this is placing us under.

In the future, such as next year or on leaving here: What do you expect (your relative) to be like in the future? (Both in terms of abilities and how he or she will be as a person)

In terms of abilities, Nick has already regained some use and movement in all parts of his body. As we are only ten weeks from the attack, and given the extent and nature of the injuries, and the way his body reacted to them, what he has achieved so far is beyond our wildest expectations. Knowing my son, I would expect his determination to get ‘better’ and be the ‘best’ to carry him as far as his physical limitations will allow

Movement has returned, in some degree at least, to all parts of his body now… so he has something to work with at all levels. The latest major improvement is the thumb on his right hand, which he has been able to fold inwards, but was until the last couple of days, unable to bend outwards. He can now splay his fingers and thumb too, as well as make a fist … and he can beat all of us in an arm wrestling match!

He has a great deal of muscular strength all over, and it seems odd speaking of muscle ‘weakness’. However, it is a strength that lacks fine control and his balance is also ‘off’. Many of Nick’s movements are too fast and ‘jerky’, though this has visibly improved over the past few weeks and seems to improve daily. The right side droops unless he remembers to correct it, and the core strength needs work.

This is particularly noticeable when Nick stands with the turning board, or sits up unaided… not that I’m complaining! The fact he can do either at all is amazing! And yesterday I got a hug with BOTH arms. Today, (though I’ve only been warned so I don’t cry too much) he will give me a birthday card he signed himself, after practising with his brother for a couple of hours.

Physically, Nick still has a mountain to climb. He is still cross-eyed much of the time and has severe double vision, though both eyes have a good range of movement now. This in turn hampers his hand/eye co-ordination.. as well, of course, as forcing him to see two of me every day…  His left ear bothers him as he has tinnitus. His beloved hair still has a way to go before he can style it properly!

Nick can speak clearly now… and seldom shuts up! His speech itself is still not right, hampered by the locked jaw, which does not open very well or very far and by the weakened muscles of the right side. However, he can speak on the telephone quite clearly and certainly has lost none of his gift of the gab!

My son nourishes a deep ambition for beer and steak which is driving him. He can feed himself reasonably well, though things have to be cut up small to go through the locked jaw, and he objects to the bit of mess he makes when the co-ordination fails with a forkful. Still, he managed to go out on Saturday  for a picnic. The electric wheelchair that the Centre has given him has made an enormous change for him… though he will not go far unaccompanied because of his eyes and vision.

He has lost the dreaded catheter and takes himself to the bathroom now. He is able to help dress himself and shower.

Nick feels that the Enablement Centre holds a lot of hope for him… though he stubbornly refuses to accept that you are working him hard enough! He does get tired and needs to rest on the bed… but he’d keep going till he drops if you would let him, I think.

So, to answer the original question.. what do I expect of his abilities in a year’s time? Who knows? Whatever the physical limitations of the damage to the control mechanisms of his body allow him to achieve! Certainly I would expect the next 12 months to enable Nick to fine tune, adapt to and work around the problems he will face to gain a reasonable degree of independence.

How will my son be as a person? Frustrated till he beats this!

Whatever the team at Southampton did, they got it right. Nick’s mind is as clear as ever, his intellect, humour, memories and personality are all absolutely intact. His education remains, along with classical references that leave his brother looking blank! He can spell, use sophisticated language and do complex mental arithmetic with ease. His memory for business and his clients and their contracts is phenomenal. Nick seems to have retained all his abilities to organise, prioritise and process information too. Which is fine… but he’s running me ragged sorting things out for him!

He has not come through this unchanged, however… the sharp edges of the mask  behind which he used to hide have gone, broken away as he has reassessed his self and his life in the light of this terrible chapter. We have spoken of this. He has seen how stubborn pride has hampered him in relationships in the past and has deliberately healed many damaged friendships.

I expect Nick, having studied him quite closely and anxiously since he came back to himself, knowing the possibilities of personality changes, mood swings etc , to be Nick. If it has not changed him dramatically so far, I doubt that it will. I do expect frustration, anger, tears and grief at intervals. I cannot see how anyone could go through such a thing without reacting with a whole gamut of emotions at some stage, and we have had moments where the floodgates have opened.

In 12 months time, regardless of any physical limitations, I expect my son to be pretty much in charge of his own life.

Do you anticipate any problems with the house/accommodation/living arrangements?

Yes! Nick had a lovely apartment in Bournemouth where he worked. The apartment has been given up and he will, however, now come home to us. My home is, unfortunately, already full.

In order to accommodate Nick coming home, either one of our sons must move out ( and neither can afford to do so), or we will have to convert downstairs into a space for Nick.. or by some miracle find the funds and get the permission to build an extension. Either way, it will be crowded!

The doors, at 70cm, are narrow for wheelchair access, ramps would need to be put in place for steps. With his current level of mobility we would have to look at the downstairs option and this would also include turning the downstairs toilet into a wet room.. all with no money!

I imagine we would also need to look at things like the height of light switches, types of tap and door handle, as well as clearing back furniture to allow access with safety and make space for equipment.

What support do you expect him/her to need, and who do you expect to be giving it?

That, I think, depends entirely on what Nick can achieve for himself, and it is early days yet. In the first instance, I will be his prime carer at home, looking after day to day needs and problems. Any lifting can be covered by a couple of our sons.. we have four altogether between us, all over six foot.

Continuing support, once Nick is discharged home, I would expect from  OT in day centres, for instance. I understand there is a good ongoing programme of support for rehabilitation. Social Services may be able to provide help on a practical level and I have registered Nick again with our local GP.

Long term, however, the caring would fall to me and to the family. Given Nick’s progress so far, I would hope that he will eventually need minimal help with personal hygiene and feeding, which is far better for his dignity than have ‘Mum’ do things.

However, with this in mind, and as we desperately want to be able to bring him home for visits during rehab, I would like to be trained to be able to help him safely! Especially with transfers.

Are you concerned about any other immediate family members including children?

Yes. All of them. This attack and the fallout from the injuries has affected every member of the family. It may have been easier to handle had it been a car accident, or even a robbery.. but the mindless violence that has caused so much pain, damage and grief has appalled us all.

I am encouraging my younger son to see the doctor and trying to get him to open up about the anger and grief. It has impacted on his health too, magnifying small symptoms.. then making him feel guilty because Nick’s situation is so much worse. They are very close.

My stepsons have a problem with hospitals and are at war with themselves, wanting to ‘be there’ and unable to bring themselves to see Nick much. As ‘step’ brothers, there were family divisions before this, of course, but this has swept them away and welded us into a family, which brings both joy and the added grief of seeing a family member suffer.

My partner is working full time and supporting us all through all of this, carrying as much of the weight of the financial crisis we now face as he can. I have already alluded to this in an earlier question.

Is there anything else you think we should know about him/her or your situation?

You are probably aware that Nick was a highly successful, upcoming salesman with great charm and a bright future. He loves fast cars, hardcore music and the hardcore scene, computer games, expensive gadgets and grand gestures. He is driven by being ‘the best’ and has always felt he was only liked because of what he could achieve. This has made Nick reassess much of his previous thinking and he now realises that he has a wide circle of friends and family who love him regardless. He has always been self-sufficient and independent, proud, intelligent. Even arrogant, though the edges have now softened as he has re-evaluated his priorities in the light of his current situation.

So far, Nick has stayed determined and remarkably positive. Failure is not an option for him and I worry that should he hit a plateau where little progress seems to be being made, it will hit him hard. I have reminded him, throughout this that plateaux are part of the learning process where assimilation can occur, and that he will undoubtedly hit them. As my partner, Kevin, can only come once a week as a rule because of the long hours he is working, this provides a useful measure for nick to judge his progress.

Our situation is financially critical because of this attack and the practical considerations have been discussed elsewhere.

My own health is causing some concern also. I have a colonoscopy on the 16th Sept to remove polyps from the bowel and investigate the cause of persistent bleeding from the upper bowel, as well a very large mass in the liver which has to be removed in the very near future. My partner is due to have a knee replacement and my younger son is suffering severely.. but seeing the doctor on the 15th whether he likes it or not!

In terms of what I would like to have come out of the meeting, I would be grateful to be kept in the loop about progress, treatment and plans for Nick. I would like to be involved as much as possible without getting in the way! And where possible I’d like to be shown how to help him safely!

I would like to know what is being proposed regarding specific health issues such as the hearing problem, which sounds like tinnitus? Nick describes it as like having his ear filled with water followed by ringing.  What is being done about the locking of Nick’s jaw? This hampers both speech and eating for Nick. What .. and when… ( as Nick asks me frequently!) can be done about the crossed eyes and double vision? This impacts on his hand-eye co-ordination, perhaps his balance, certainly his ability to amuse himself by reading, using a computer or console or watching TV. It also annoys him because of his vanity.. he hates looking like this ( he sees it as worse, perhaps that we do!)It affects the way he handles the wheelchair too.

Short term, I know.. because he keeps telling me so.. Nick wants his right hand and his speech working better. Long term, I believe he has already informed physio that he intends to ‘walk out of here’.

A few weeks ago I prayed, hard, that Nick would open his eyes and hold my hand just one more time. For myself, I already have my son back, alive, well and with his personality, sense of fun and emotions intact. All I want for now is to achieve whatever it takes to make him happy.