25/7/2009

This entry is an update to those who were giving their help, support and prayers to my son.

Nick is settling into the high tech unit that looks like a storage place for corpses, very clinical and unfriendly, with regimented beds facing blank walls, and nowhere to put anything personal for them. I’m told he is likely to be moved three or four times in the next week or so.

Appallingly, they had been told little about the drugs he had been given so were unaware of possible withdrawal, and had also been told he was incapable of anything much apart from blinking…. a letter is winging its way to the unit he came from about their communication problems…

His chest and breathing are still so bad he may have to go back on the ventilator today. I hope not, he is trying so hard.

I appreciate all the help my son.. both of my sons.. have been blessed with. The doctors and nursing staff keep talking of miracles, and I know that the ‘intensive care’ Nick has had from all of you has to have made a difference. It feels as if I have the armies of the Light at my back and using me as a conduit to help my son. It is a beautiful, humbling privilege to feel our lives touched by so many hearts and minds.

The withdrawal from the drugs seems to be settling, though having discussed it all with his nurse, there are still times when he is obviously hallucinating. Amongst other things, Nick had been given very large doses of morphine and Midazolam for two weeks and that is a bad one to come down from it seems. A friend who had himself been in a coma and had to come back from the drug remembers seeing snakes crawling across his bed a week after waking, and he had not had this dosage. I can’t imagine the terrors Nick must be going through, with hallucinations as well as an unresponsive body. However, it seems to be dissipating now.

Nick looked better yesterday. The nurses had sort of washed his hair for the first time and it is nice to see him without so much matted blood there. I’m told they will let me cut it next week. He had half his hair shaved for the initial brain surgery and subsequent procedures.. and my son is very proud of his hair! I’ll have some explaining to do before I’ll dare take the scissors to it!

Nick is more aware with each day and his eyes were very much clearer again, more his own. His focus is better and he is exploring with his eyes, questioning the monitors and environment. His responses to the physical checks were surer, crisper, and the fog seems to be lifting. He is getting upset at his lack of ability to communicate and his understanding seems better as the fogs lift. He burst into tears when I told him we had to leave last night, clinging to my hand. He did so again, after we’d calmed him. So we joked for him, laughed at silly things, and asked him to let us know he was ok with us going till morning. He gave me a thumbs up sign!

I managed to get at least ten foot from the bed before I broke up.

An angel with a red Mohican, fluffy boots and a pink bikini-thing, and her boyfriend, who would make Swarzenegger look like a stick-man have just poured Alex out of their car half an hour ago, at around 6am. The angel is Nick’s best friend and her boyfriend the sweetest of people. They kidnapped Alex and took him to the Global Gathering music festival yesterday, to let his hair down and let off steam. The ‘hardcore’ music community have closed ranks around my sons and Alex met some of the top DJ’s in the genre yesterday, who have been sending unique CD’s and messages to Nick to help him get well. These people have a real sense of kinship with each other and have been wonderful, supportive and protective.. yet many of them are the type whose look would frighten your granny. We have found surprising gentleness and love in many places through this.

Even in dark places, it only takes one small spark to bring Light and this has opened the doors of heaven to let such beauty stream out.

Alex, Jay, DJ Gammer & friends at Global Gathering 2009