Oh vanity, thy name is Man,
Not always Woman, as we’re told,
You primp and preen impartially:
To save us all from looking old
(You order us to diet too,
On soup and salad, hot and cold).
How do we suffer your demands?
Well, there’s a tale that must be told…
My son went to the barber’s shop,
A Turkish place that’s all the rage;
His beard, a biblical affair,
Was long enough to suit a Mage.
The eyebrows were quite overgrown,
His hair was from another age…
He’d take the plunge and have it cut,
A brand new look to turn the page.
Next day, I saw the full effect,
He came back looking fresh and clean…
The hair was short, the beard well trimmed
But rather pink where hair had been.
He’d lost ten years, I have to say,
He almost looked, once more, a teen.
But, as he told me what they’d done,
He looked quite queasy, rather green…
They’d used a blow-torch in his ears
To singe away all lurking hair,
They’d waxed his nostrils inside out
Till not a whisker lingered there…
He’d never heard of ‘threading’
But his eyebrows are now neat and spare…
Then doused pink skin in alcohol
As well as trimming beard and hair.
Now, I might sometimes cut my hair,
Might one day wax a leg or two,
And threading’s easy with the knack,
To leave your skin all clean and new.
But blowtorching my ears? On no,
That’s something I will never do!
And as for waxing nostrils, well
You’d have to hold me down with glue!
He is not forced to suffer, no,
He does this voluntarily,
And not content with suffering…
To add insult to injury…
This salon, staffed by sadists,
Are not offering their skills for free…
After he’s toasted, waxed and plucked,
He’ll go ahead and pay their fee!
Oh, vanity, thy name is Man…
At least one of the men I know…
And though he calls it ‘grooming’,
He’s been groomed in ways I’d never go.
So if the hair upon my head
Would, like his locks, decide to grow,
I’ll stick to DIY routines
And give myself a ‘cut and blow’.
Sue Vincent's Daily Echo 
Oh my, Sue!! A blowtorch? I’d be running and screaming from there!! 🔥🤣 Such a great poem! ❤️
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I know, me too! And he actually pays for this?? 😀 Thanks Dorinda .
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Thank you!! lol
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Ah, but did he know that’s what they would do? I can’t imagine them advertising the torching, they’d never get any customers!
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He did…and the place is always busy!
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Nowt so strange as folks…
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That’s always true 😉
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Hilarious but frightening too
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Vanity, eh? 😉
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We will be back to white wigs etc soon. X
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Nothing would surprise me….
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😂
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I’m almost glad my youth is behind me. What are they like, these days! I suppose we had our funny ways too – mostly very long hair and high heel boots. 😁
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I remember it well 😉
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Oh My Goodness!! I’ve heard of “threading”, though I can’t imagine why women do it…as it’s somewhat painful I’ve heard (but so is waxing, etc). I shudder to think what the cost of all your son’s “improvement” totaled. What an experience! Bless his heart ❤
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Threading isn’t too bad…and the cost was that of a simple haircut…at least in monetary terms 😉
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Oh that’s a relief! 🙂
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🙂
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I’d be very nervous about the blowtorch and there’s no way I’d let anyone inside my nostrils!
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Especially not with hot wax!
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A blowtorch? I’d be terrified. Yes, vanity thy name is man. This story definitely was suited to a poem. Well done, Sue.
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Thanks, Jennie… they still use cutthroat razors there too. I’m surprised health and safety let them operate these days!
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Wow!! 😳
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Ha! What a poem, what a tale, such a truth told.
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It made me cringe when he told me about it…
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A brilliant poem, Sue, and very amusing. Blow torches indeed! Help…. xx
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I know… doesn’t bear thinking about! xx
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Haha, Sue, you are right, the men do more stuff to themselves now than we do.
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And they think we are strange 😉
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My face now hurts from sympathetic pain.
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I’m not surprised.
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What a fun write his torturous day at the barber inspired!
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I couldn’t believe it when he told me about it 😉
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Unbelievable, what will be next?! The blow torch sounds rather dangerous!
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I’m surprised they are allowed…!
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Definitely wouldn’t pass fire safety codes here!
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Can’t see how they do here either!
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Very clever and funny Sue.
(I get taken to my wife’s hairdresser, sit down and do as I am told. It’s a lot simpler)
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After hearing what my son submits to, I can’t say I blame you 😉
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😌…. I know my place.
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Good man 😉
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😄
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Ouch! When I want my hairs to shed
On my face or round my head,
I am now quite sure that I
Will stick to my DIY!
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That was my thought too 😉
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Funny and a bit frightening too… You captured it well, Sue! ♥
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I’m just glad I wasn’t there to see it, Bette 😉
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My eyes started to water as I was reading
… When I was a rather naive young thing out alone in a big city for the first time in my life, I came across a reference to a similar form of torture. This was in the halcyon days before the AIDS epidemic took so many beautiful young men from us way too soon. Come the yearly gay mardi-gras extravaganza in Sydney, all the lads would head to the waxing clinics for what was colloquially known as a ‘crack-sack-and-back’ wax.
Being a lifelong lesbian and, as I mentioned, innocent to the ways of the world, it took me a few discrete questions to decipher the meaning of this strange ritual, but when I did my eyes watered then too! 😀
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I remember my eyes watering when I first heard about that too…and the various feminine versions are no beter … 😉
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You described it well Sue. Horrible torture. At my age, hair is scarce in particular body parts saving me from these horrific rituals. When my son gets his hair cut and beard trim he becomes a young man again. The beard makes him look much older while hiding his beautiful features.
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I have a fondness for beards…they add dignity. But this particular beard really was of biblical proportions… the newly trimmed one works wonders. 🙂
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Such a fun poem…couldn’t imagine waxing my nostrils and using a blowtorch in my ears😀. The plucking hurts enough😊
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I wouldn’t fancy it myself…and he was pink in places that made me cringe for days afterwards 😉
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Ha ha…did he get to read this poem😀
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I rad it to him 😉
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