I despair of my two legs sometimes, I really do.
“But,” she said, silencing my objections to the pigeon who had invaded my airspace, “you are a bird dog… ” This is true. It is in my genes… so none of it is my fault. “And anyway,” she said, “it will make a nice change… give you something else to watch instead of the fish while I’m out at work.”
At the risk of sounding as if I come from the current generation of two-legs’ pups… OMG!
Granted, she’s been out much longer than usual lately. But… does she think I need anything else to do while she’s at work? Is it not enough that I patrol the hallway to protect it from the mailman? Or that I police the aquarium…’cause, you know, some of those fish can get a bit carried away sometimes. ‘Specially the new one with the bristles on its nose… there was actual fighting in there yesterday… even though she assures me it is a peaceful fish! She should see what goes on in there if she doesn’t feed them early enough!
That’s without having to make sure there are no spiders lurking, no foxes or sleepy hedgehogs wandering around in the garden and no rabbits under the hedge. And if she has forgotten that the cows will be in the field over the back fence any time now, I haven’t!
So, when she goes to work, I normally settle down for a nap, keeping my eyes on the glass garden door, ears on the front door and a weather eye on the fish. It is the only rest I get! And what does she do? Brings me a ‘present’…
Now, if it had been chicken or a new ball or something, I wouldn’t mind. Well, okay, she brought me chicken anyway. And I have loads of new balls. But it’s a matter of principle.
Why, I ask you, does she think I need a bird feeder?
Is it not enough that next door have feeders out for the little blighters? Or that she already hangs stuff in the bushes for them? ‘Pparently not.
The little colourful ones are okay. The sparrows can get a bit cheeky though… we have one that chirps at me from the corner of the roof all the time. Just goading me. But the pigeons were bound to arrive… and they did. Can’t abide ’em myself… though she seems to like them. If that wasn’t bad enough, a whole flock of starlings came in to feed on the scraps as soon as she had gone.
Hundreds of them! What’s a lone four-legs to do? Well, I did my best. And what do I get for my trouble when she comes home?
“Oh, Ani! I’ve just cleaned all the nose-prints off the windows!”
I tell you, I was exhausted!
Then she had the cheek to say it was all my idea! Well, she may have said ‘fault’, now I come to think about it….but if she is going o leave suet balls and coconuts in the trees, is it my fault that the wind blows them down? And I was not eating the bird food exactly… I was just cleaning up the garden for her… you wouldn’t want suet balls all over the garden, now would you?
The only good thing about it is that she came to sit on the sofa with me for cuddles and we watched the birds together. She told me all about them and how much she likes seeing them and she went all gooey and snuggly on me. So I s’ppose I’ll just have to put up with them. Well, most of them. Not the pigeons. At least when she’s home.
The things we do for love, eh?
All I have to say is that there had better be plenty of treats in the cupboard…