I just wanted to get a quick shower
But decided ablutions can wait
There’s the spider from hell in my bathtub
He’s the size of a small dinner plate.

He was fine when he lived in the kitchen,
And I coped with him out in the hall…
But the bathroom’s a different matter
I don’t like him in there at all.

I’d hate him to go down the plughole,
For one thing, he’s too fat to fit!
Inadvertently stepping upon him?
I wouldn’t like that, not a bit!

Just supposing he goes for the popcorn
And then leers at me over the tap?
Or he fancies a snack more substantial?
I’d be out of the bath in a snap!

But this morning, he’s once again missing,
Now I worry where he’s gone to hide
As I shake out the folds of the towel
Just in case its in there he resides…

I don’t want to be watched in the shower,
By something with more legs than me…
I’m not sure which is worse to be honest,
A watcher or one I can’t see…

About Sue Vincent

Sue Vincent is a Yorkshire-born writer and one of the Directors of The Silent Eye, a modern Mystery School. She writes alone and with Stuart France, exploring ancient myths, the mysterious landscape of Albion and the inner journey of the soul. Find out more at France and Vincent. She is owned by a small dog who also blogs. Follow her at scvincent.com and on Twitter @SCVincent. Find her books on Goodreads and follow her on Amazon worldwide to find out about new releases and offers. Email: findme@scvincent.com.
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49 Responses to Spyder

  1. a vacuum cleaner is the solution IMHO

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sisyphus47 says:

    Superb! πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Susan Scott says:

    aaaarrrggghhhhh …

    Liked by 1 person

  4. quiall says:

    haha Loved that! I have been held hostage by an arachnid! Still have nightmares.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Eurgggghhhhhh! I don’t like spiders ANYWHERE!!!! πŸ˜²πŸ˜²πŸ˜²πŸ•·πŸ•·πŸ•·πŸ•ΈπŸ•ΈπŸ•Έ

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Erik says:

    See, now, I’m the guy who β€” morning, noon or middle of the night β€” will capture a spider in a glass with a card over the top, and either let it outside if it’s warm enough or move it to the stairwell or another out-of-the-way location.

    I figure they’re just doing what they’re programmed to do. They look how they look. They move how they move. And like us, they just want to live. Even a bite is instinct, nothing personal.

    I suppose I’m a bit of a hypocrite where it comes to mosquitoes, though I do hold the same philosophy. I’m not sure whether my slapping them on my skin is 100% intentional or reflect. But even that makes me feel a bit sorry. I always think, “I just ended a life.”

    I think something is wrong with me. ;/ But I suppose it’s not the worst form of crazy one could have.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sue Vincent says:

      You are talking to a woman who will move the attachment points of a spider’s web in the garden so it doesn’t get walked into. I don’t kill things if I can help it… they all have a purpose and we share the same source of life. I even feel guilty using bleach and disinfectant…

      But mozzies, I can understand…

      Liked by 1 person

    • Erik says:

      When my sister and I were 8 and 10, we had a huge field out at the back end of our property, approaching the woods beyond. The grass was taller than we were. One day, we took an adventure out into the field, pushing our way through the amber stalks. It wasn’t until we stopped somewhere in the middle that we noticed the movement all around us: hundreds of these:


  7. bobcabkings says:

    The spiders in my bathroom are small,
    Not great hairy beasts like yours.
    Up the wall they run on their strings
    When I start the shower,
    Avoiding the fate of the drain.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I would have to leave my house entirely if I had a spider that size in it. Those wolf spiders terrify me and always have. Ewwww. Shiver.


  9. I seem to recall another spider poem in your history, Sue. This is a wonderful spider poem, but no thank you, not in the shower!


  10. willowdot21 says:

    Eeeeereeeeeerk!! Can’t Ani help ? πŸ’œπŸ’œ


  11. Eliza Waters says:

    Yikes! I wouldn’t been able to sleep until I put it in a container and carried it outside. πŸ˜‰


  12. Haha! Great poem! πŸ™‚


  13. Reminds me of how I felt when I lived in south Texas, checking shoes, towels and sheets…..


  14. dgkaye says:

    I would have disposed of him long before I let him escape from the tub LOL πŸ™‚ xx


  15. Widdershins says:

    What is it with spiders and showers? There’s nothing there to eat. Perhaps it’s the moisture .. perhaps they just like freaking out their human housekeepers. πŸ™‚


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