Notes from a small dog – How to fix your human

Posted on September 11, 2017 by Sue Vincent

Well, you might have noticed the two-legs has been a bit quiet… she had to go to the vet, the one with the knives… and we four-legses know that’s never a good sign. Some of my boy dog friends can attest to that! So, she packed me off to stay with my friends for a couple of nights… and you should have seen the state of her when they finally let me come home. Not a pretty sight! And the little whimpers and moans…she sounded like a sick cat…

She says the two-legs vets do stuff like this all the time, so I’m not to worry, but it does get to you after a while. When I’m not well, she strokes my ears and lets me have the sofa. Yeah, I know I always have the sofa anyway…but when I’m poorly, she actually lets me have it.

So, I got to thinking ’bout what I could do to help her feel better, and I thought I could make a list in case any of my friends need to fix their two-legses. ‘Cause, you know, it isn’t always easy to tell with a two-legs… if they have wet noses, it usually means they are poorly. Not like us.

First, as soon as they let you near them, you need to find out where the problem is. The most efficient way of doing that is to sit or stand on them. Remember that this is for their own good. Just like they tell us when they give us the flea stuff. A well-placed paw, as long as it has your weight behind it, will make them yelp. The louder they yelp, the closer you are to the source of the problem. It is probably best to jump on that spot for a time or two, just to make sure… but if they start saying those words they are not supposed to say, you can be pretty sure you’ve found the right place.

Next, you need to make sure they stay alert. Person’lly, I find a soggy tennis ball in the face works wonders with mine. Breathing on them close up seems to work too. There must be some magic in dog-breath…she says it is better than smelling salts.

Make sure they eat. The best way is to look thin and hungry… that gets them into the kitchen every time. You just have to sit with your legs tight to your body, suck your cheeks in and do the puppy-eye thing. Works a treat…and usually for treats too. They’ll remember to eat while they are in the kitchen… but to make sure they don’t overeat, you must be prepared to help them out.

Exercise… that’s important. They need to keep their blood moving. Tennis balls are good for this too. Half an hour playing fetch should do it. Especially if you make them do the fetching. I find it useful to hide the ball under furniture, where I can’t get it…that way she gets some bending and stretching in too. On the other hand, you shouldn’t let them do too much  and if you can help them around the house, that’s always good.

Fresh air is good for them…and in winter it keeps their temperature down too. If you manage to get them to open a door, just sit in the gap so they can’t close it. Chase a few pigeons too…that gets their lungs working when they shout you to come in. The two-legs, not the pigeons.

Whatever you do, don’t panic. They are pretty good at getting better as a rule… they just need a bit of love and encouragement. If all else fails, try wandering round looking miserable. This is foolproof. They suddenly start concentrating on you instead of what the vet did to them. If you can manage the odd sigh when you look at the leash, that usually kickstarts them and you can pretty much guarantee a walk next day…which is really good for them.

But probably the most important one is cuddles… they can be as selfsuffishant stubborn as they like, but cuddles will get them to rest. If I get her on my sofa, snuggle up and keep her feet warm, she’ll go to sleep. This is good… but if you are worried they are sleeping too long, either have a word with a pigeon or go for the soggy tennis ball again.

My two-legs should be up by now, so I’ll be back on duty shortly. She must have slept well ’cause she said I wore her out yesterday… which I take as a compliment to my nursing skills.

I hope she’s feeling better though, trying to fix a two-legs is hard work!

Much love,

Ani xxx

 

About Sue Vincent

Sue Vincent was a Yorkshire born writer, esoteric teacher and a Director of The Silent Eye. She was immersed in the Mysteries all her life. Sue maintained a popular blog and is co-author of The Mystical Hexagram with Dr G.M.Vasey. Sue lived in Buckinghamshire, having been stranded there due to an accident with a blindfold, a pin and a map. She had a lasting love-affair with the landscape of Albion, the hidden country of the heart. Sue  passed into spirit at the end of March 2021.
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107 Responses to Notes from a small dog – How to fix your human

  1. barbtaub says:
    September 11, 2017 at 06:20

    I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been sick. And my little dog sends her sympathies to Ani. We hope you’re on the mend and feeling better soon.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  2. Ritu says:
    September 11, 2017 at 06:32

    Aw Ani! You do a great job of looking after your two-legs!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  3. FlorenceT says:
    September 11, 2017 at 06:41

    Well Ani, good job and hope your two-legs are feeling better and betterer! ❤

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  4. Lynette d'Arty-Cross says:
    September 11, 2017 at 07:28

    Hi Ani, I hope your Two Legs is feeling better soon. 🙂

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  7. Adele Marie says:
    September 11, 2017 at 07:49

    Dante and me and Becca are sending all our paw and heart love to your two legged. We know with you looking after her, she will be better soon. We sends much much love. xxxxxxxxxxx

    Liked by 1 person

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  9. Cathy says:
    September 11, 2017 at 09:19

    Wishing you better x

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  10. Ruth says:
    September 11, 2017 at 09:26

    Get well soon, Sue 🙂

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  12. jenanita01 says:
    September 11, 2017 at 09:57

    So sorry to hear you’re under the weather, Sue. Get better soon, okay?

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  14. Victo Dolore says:
    September 11, 2017 at 10:59

    I am so sorry you had to be cut on! But I am glad you are hime and I wish you a speedy recovery. 🙂

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  15. scifihammy says:
    September 11, 2017 at 11:47

    This is hilarious and exactly sums up what happens when you need to recover from the ‘vet’. 😀
    Get better soon!

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  16. macjam47 says:
    September 11, 2017 at 12:43

    Ani, I’m glad you are taking good care of your two-legs, but don’t spoil her too much.
    Hope you feel better soon, Sue.

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  17. Victoria Zigler (@VictoriaZigler) says:
    September 11, 2017 at 14:33

    Thanks for the tips, Ani. Hope you can get her back to normal… Well, what passes for normal for these humans… Soon. Lots of licks, Lilie

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  18. pensitivity101 says:
    September 11, 2017 at 14:38

    You’re an excellent nurse Ani. Keep up the good work and maybe more treats and walks will soon be coming your way (and you get to keep the couch. I’m not allowed at the moment, coz the couch isn’t ours). XX Maggie

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  19. bobcabkings says:
    September 11, 2017 at 15:08

    Ani, we two-leggeds really can be so stubborn about taking care of ourselves and then getting all self-pitying about it, a wise dog has to use every trick to help.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  20. memadtwo says:
    September 11, 2017 at 15:24

    Keep up the good nursing Ani!

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  21. Alethea Kehas says:
    September 11, 2017 at 15:30

    I do hope you are mending well and feeling much better soon. Sending my love, xo

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  22. Lyn Horner says:
    September 11, 2017 at 16:04

    Ani, you are wonderful nurse. I’m so glad your two-legs is feeling better, no doubt thanks to you.

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  23. watchingthedaisies says:
    September 11, 2017 at 16:06

    I am so glad you have such a wonderful nurse. I hope you are mending well. 🌼🌼🌼

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  24. Marilyn Armstrong says:
    September 11, 2017 at 16:26

    It sounds just like home. We actually have two special tools for moving ball from under tables and other furniture. Garry has gotten VERY good at it.

    I hope you are beginning to feel better. I hate recovering from surgery. I’ve done it so often and maybe, with luck, will never need to do it again. Nothing is as reviving as that wet, slobbered tennis ball! Especially when pushed right under your nose. It’s so … DOG.

    Be well, friend. Be better than well.

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    • Sue Vincent says:
      September 11, 2017 at 17:36

      Thank you, Marilyn. Yes, the soggy ball always works… and they can always walk all over you if all else fails. And they do.

      Quite why they take such delight in hiding balls for us to find, though, is beyond me… especially when they always ‘tell’ us where they are…

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  25. Colleen Chesebro says:
    September 11, 2017 at 16:39

    Feel better, Sue. I’m glad Ani is taking good care of you. I’m sending healing energy to you, my friend. ❤

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  26. fransiweinstein says:
    September 11, 2017 at 16:50

    Sue, with such a thoughtful, caring and expert nurse how could you not do well?? Hope you are feeling better. Take care.

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  27. willowdot21 says:
    September 11, 2017 at 17:58

    Your are doing a great job Ani love from Ruby (guide dog retired) 💜💜💜💜

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  28. Rae Longest says:
    September 11, 2017 at 18:35

    Hope you are feeling fit and spunky again soon!

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  29. Lucinda E Clarke says:
    September 11, 2017 at 19:20

    Absolutely priceless – and I hope you’re better soon Sue

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  30. Judy E Martin says:
    September 11, 2017 at 20:30

    Oh you are a good nurse dog Ani. I love the tip about placing your paw with all your weight behind it in several places until you hear the yelp that tells you where the pain is!!!!
    Keep giving your two-legs lots of cuddles and keep her feet warm so she can rest and get stronger. Give her my love too, and hope she gets better soon. xx

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  31. Eliza Waters says:
    September 11, 2017 at 21:53

    Glad you’re on the mend, Sue. Ani sounds a lot like an Army nurse. 😉

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  32. noelleg44 says:
    September 11, 2017 at 22:05

    I hope you are healed soon, Sue. I love that Ani feels she has to pamper you, although her idea of pampering is quite unique!
    To Ani: good dog!

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  33. ksbeth says:
    September 11, 2017 at 23:33

    and you are the perfect nurse, ani. tell the two-legger that we all hope she feels better soon )

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  34. Widdershins says:
    September 12, 2017 at 00:35

    Sorry to hear you were down, but glad to hear you’re on the up … with a little help, of course. 😀

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    Reply
  35. Denis1950 says:
    September 12, 2017 at 07:02

    What a wonderful and caring nurse you have Sue. Keep looking after her Ani, maybe a bone in bed tomorrow morning.

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  36. Helen Jones says:
    September 12, 2017 at 07:21

    Hope you’re feeling better, Sue – good thing you have Dr Ani in the house 🙂

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  37. Jennie says:
    September 13, 2017 at 01:14

    Aww… Ani does a great job.

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    Reply
  38. dgkaye says:
    September 13, 2017 at 02:19

    OMG Nurse Ani, you are just too cute!!!!!!!!!! ❤ xoxo

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  39. Pamela Morse says:
    September 14, 2017 at 16:43

    I am reblogging this..it is very funny and wonderful.

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  40. Pamela Morse says:
    September 14, 2017 at 16:44

    Reblogged this on mermaidcamp and commented:
    A Dog’s View Of Human Health Care

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  41. purplepeninportland says:
    September 15, 2017 at 22:18

    I trust you are feeling better? This is one of the best, funniest poems I have ever read. Of course, it’s even better when you have dogs! Love the pictures.

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  42. robbiesinspiration says:
    September 17, 2017 at 17:58

    You must have had an operation, Sue. I hope you are recovering well. Ani is very cute as always.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  43. Hugh's Views and News says:
    September 18, 2017 at 15:57

    Great advice, Ani. Please send our hugs to your two-legs. You can keep one yourself if you like. She’ll never know (unless our two-legs tell her). 🐶
    Lots of waggly tails,
    Toby and Austin
    xx

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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