Worple the Cantankerous was, for many years, a fringe gremlin, tolerated but not taken seriously by the elite troublemakers of his breed. His ideas, based around simple old-fashioned biting and scratching, were deemed outmoded in the new digital, orthodontic-led mastications that modern mischief makers thought relevant to a globalized community that thrived on gratuitous irritations via social media. ‘It doesn’t have to bleed to make the pain real’ had been Dweeble the Oblique’s winning motto and with his shiny neat dentures and moisturized scales he appeared to be the epitome of what an over anxious, over tired, over rated world wanted from their annoying little monsters.

Then came the crash, the new reality and a call from a more traditional gremlinisation of society. In an effort to appear fair Dweeble, now confined to pissing off the redundant elite with sanctimonious bleatings about how it wasn’t his fault, and his supporters proposed an election for a new Supreme Gremlin; and someone had the even better idea to suggest, purely for balance of course, that one of the old school be included in the scratch-off.

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